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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to leave a NYE party early?

39 replies

4pmfireworks · 30/12/2024 03:52

Friends have sent a fairly casual invitation: "We're having a pot luck on NYE. Welcome to join!"
I would quite like to go, but would not want to stay until midnight. Is it rude to go and leave at about 10? Is it rude to say that's my intention?

Edit to add: the invitation is to myself and my husband, and we're both quite keen to go but leave early. If that's rude, we'll make a believable excuse and not go.

OP posts:

Agix · 30/12/2024 03:54

I'd ask them first. Say you really want to come say hello but you already have plans you need to keep for midnight, so will have to leave around 10 and if thst will cause any issues.

Original poster

4pmfireworks · 30/12/2024 03:56

Is there a difference between leaving early for other plans and leaving early to go home to bed?

OP posts:

araiwa · 30/12/2024 03:58

A new year party where you don't stay for new year seems a bit shit and pointless

Original poster

4pmfireworks · 30/12/2024 04:02

araiwa · 30/12/2024 03:58

A new year party where you don't stay for new year seems a bit shit and pointless

It doesn't to me. I would go, chat to friends, enjoy the food and the company, and not feel obliged to hang around until the clock ticks over. But if that's rude I won't go. I suppose the clock ticking over isn't very important to me. The new year for me begins the next day when I wake up and it's a new year.

OP posts:

PeloMom · 30/12/2024 04:05

4pmfireworks · 30/12/2024 03:56

Is there a difference between leaving early for other plans and leaving early to go home to bed?

To me going to bed IS a plan so ‘have plans’ covers it. No one needs to know what the plans are.

Madeinsuffolk · 30/12/2024 04:06

I would have no problem with this. Perhaps take a pot as well so it’s not like you are just going to eat and run, if you contribute to the party I see no problem. Be honest and say you just can’t stay up that late but want to celebrate with them.

Hazelville · 30/12/2024 04:08

I’d tell them in advance that you’d love to come for a couple of hours but won’t be able to stay until midnight. Just that really.

Ozmumofboys3 · 30/12/2024 04:13

I think it's fine, I agree that just say you're looking forward to coming over for a couple of hours at such and such a time.

I hate NYE for this exact reason, there's the expectation to stay till midnight. We're having friends over with children (we also have children) and I'm glad that we've all been open that we're not intending to drag it out till midnight. They'll be coming early evening and likely leave by 10pm. It'll be lovely and I'm looking forward to it.

Happyhappyday · 30/12/2024 04:21

That seems totally fine to me… I don’t stay up late. I would probably say, love to come, I’m a bit rubbish and go to bed early but we’d love to be there until at least 10 and will bring xxxx. Don’t see a problem with that!

Zonder · 30/12/2024 04:25

Absolutely fine. Just say it sounds great but you know you won't make it to midnight so you'll come for a few hours and ask what you can bring.

Dustyblue · 30/12/2024 04:33

I don't think it's rude to leave before midnight. Really, it's a party like any other party.

I've been invited to a "Bush Dance" and believe me, I will not be staying until midnight! Think I'll be saying, if I am asked- "Sorry I need to get home to see my 8y/o before bedtime".

Won't be keeping him up until midnight either. Unless he wants to watch the fireworks.

Dontsparethehorses · 30/12/2024 04:35

I think saying you have plans is more rude- implies you have a better offer for the actual midnight part. I also think it’s fine to leave early! Mainly because I be will be doing the same OP! 😂

Lurkingandlearning · 30/12/2024 04:38

4pmfireworks · 30/12/2024 03:56

Is there a difference between leaving early for other plans and leaving early to go home to bed?

I think saying you’re leaving for other plans for that night would be really rude, like you are graciously fitting them into your social whirl.

Saying you want to leave early is fine. If you need an excuse say you have to be up very early the next day.

The only way I could see it being a problem is if there’s only a handful of people going and you leaving would make a dent in the numbers and party atmosphere. So maybe ask before you accept the invitation

olympicsrock · 30/12/2024 04:46

Just be honest and seee what they say

Original poster

4pmfireworks · 30/12/2024 04:54

Agree that it could be awkward if there are small numbers. Perhaps we'll go and if it seems fine to leave we'll invent a mild child-related reason to leave, but if it would be awful to leave we'll stay.

And if we do go, of course will take a pot, booze ec.

OP posts:

Selttan · 30/12/2024 04:59

I did this one year - my friends could not have cared less. I didn't plan it - it got to 11 and I was tired and wanted to go home, so I did.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/12/2024 05:02

"We'd love to! However, fair warning.....we seem to have turned into a pair of old farts (when did that happend?!) so probably wont last until midnight! See you Tuesday!"

MrsLJH · 30/12/2024 05:12

As a person hosting a similar type of party this year it really wouldn't bother me at all ☺️ I have already had at least 2 say they will pop in for a couple of hours but won't be staying until midnight.

BettyBardMacDonald · 30/12/2024 07:07

Zonder · 30/12/2024 04:25

Absolutely fine. Just say it sounds great but you know you won't make it to midnight so you'll come for a few hours and ask what you can bring.

This. It's no big deal.

They may even be relieved.

BettyBardMacDonald · 30/12/2024 07:09

Dontsparethehorses · 30/12/2024 04:35

I think saying you have plans is more rude- implies you have a better offer for the actual midnight part. I also think it’s fine to leave early! Mainly because I be will be doing the same OP! 😂

Actually etiquettely speaking it's perfectly correct to drop into multiple parties on a single evening, especially NYE. Assuming they aren't seated dinner parties.

There's no insult to the host.

Jifmicroliquid · 30/12/2024 07:10

Me and my friends do early New Year. A few drinks and celebrations and then we finish at 10pm and go to bed. It sounds weird but it works for us. None of us like late nights.

cordeliavorkosigan · 30/12/2024 07:14

I've had a few NYE parties and don't mind at all when people do this. Happened most times we've hosted. Since you know in advance, I think it's polite to say when you reply that you prefer to head to bed earlier and might not be able to stay, rather than just leaving. Agree with others that's better than saying you have other plans (like a better offer!) for later especially since you don't.

Stopsnowing · 30/12/2024 07:14

I have friends who invited themselves to mine for the early part of the evening because they had a real party to go to! I also fancy having a few people over for a low key gathering but not staying up til midnight as get too tired. It is fine - just ask them.

Droppit · 30/12/2024 07:36

Had to Google what pot luck meant in this context.
Was initially thinking some kind of partner swap soiree.

Lostinmusic22 · 30/12/2024 07:38

It could kill the atmosphere stone dead if it’s a small dinner party, I would try and stay to midnight, and leave immediately afterwards.

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