To Feel like a terrible mother

[Slowhorses1]

2 kids 8 and 10. Both so lovely but also very high energy, and the youngest in particular is incredibly demanding. During the holidays I just feel like I haven’t got it in me to respond to every one of their needs and demands.

Im knackered. I just want to sit in silence. I’ve organised presents and shows and ice skating and play dates. I try everyday to do something with them each. But it never feels enough.

Then I get snappy and grouchy, and DS in particular is being quite sensitive at the moment. Now I’m lying in bed feeling awful and like I’m failing them. I don’t shout out them, annd obviously tell them all the time how much I love them, and how proud I am of them. But what does it count for if I then spoil it by getting annoyed with them.

I want to be a fun, lovely mum all the time. One of those gentle types who, even when annoyed, speak to their kids in kind gentle tones. Or maybe they don’t even get annoyed in the first place. I feel so sad that they might grow up thinking that I was hard on them or no fun.

You sound like a nice mum that is just struggling to juggle it all. We all have our moments, don’t beat yourself up OP. It’s all fine.

Ow OP I can really relate to this today. You’re not on your own x

Sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Ice Skating, play dates etc no wonder you’re exhausted. Maybe just dial it down a little and spend some relaxing time at home together.

We all feel like crap parents sometimes … and life means you can’t always be jolly and fun.

Don’t sweat it.

I think it's okay for your kids to learn that you have limits.

When I feel as you describe I tell my DD10 that I'm feeling grumpy and I need some space. She responds by telling me that it's okay and mums have feelings too. I think as long as you stay calm and tell them before you snap, at their ages they should understand fairly quickly that sometimes you need a minute.

You sound like a great mum, OP. Don't beat yourself up.

I think we entertain our kids too much these days and kids expect their parents to preoccupy them when they're bored. It's ok to want time for yourself. Take that time and tell them not to bother you for X amount of time (harder said than done, I know)

You're not a bad mum. It's good for kids to be bored sometimes - they'll figure out something. At 8 and 10, they can read, play a game, watch some TV, draw, craft, kick a ball in the garden - you dont need to entertain them all the time.

You sound like a great mum. But, you are putting far too much pressure yourself . It's good for kids to learn that you are a person with feelings too. It's ok to need some quiet downtime for yourself. Just tell them that and they are old enough to entertain themselves for a while. I love just having pyjama days sometimes and my kids do too. We just all watch movies or play video games and don't go out at all. We don't even have to be together all the time. I'll go off to my room and read or they will go off and play in their rooms too sometimes. It's just a chilled do whatever you like day.

How are you today OP?

Nobody is fun all the time. You sound like you are putting too much pressure on yourself to create fun every day. Let them make their own entertainment for a couple of days.

You’re aware of your temper so you aren’t a bad person. Just try and rein it in and apologize if you aren’t nice to them (as you would expect back).

Sounds like you’re doing ok.

I would love to be one of those mums too...I thought I would be until youngest hit about 2.5-3...then it's all been downhill from there to be honest 🤦‍♀️ so you're doing alot better than me at it!
I raise my voice/shout feel angry and stressed,frustrated and intolerant waaay more than I would like to (especially at a certain time of the month!) But, I'm just not a placid, laid back, calm sort of person (and DH and DDs aren't either!) I've realised i can't change my personality or try to aim for unreasonable expectations... all I can do is try to do the negative stuff less often and reduce the triggers.

We are still a close family unit with strong loving relationships....we have plenty of positive moments that balance out the difficult ones, and we hold our hands up as parents when we have handled something badly or behaved unfairly, and show our kids we own that, which I think is key.