Boyfriend Has Ex’s Phone Number?

[Nottoosure1]

I’ve been in a relationship for nearly a year (12 months at start of January).

My boyfriend still has his ex’s number saved in his phone, when I asked him about this he said “I can delete it, if you want me to”.

He also had her birthday in his diary for 2024 (which is understandable as we met in Jan 24 so I can’t complain about that) but if he has her birthday in his diary for 2025 is that unreasonable?

I know for a fact she has messaged/called him a few times during the year, about her family etc.

I’m not sure if I’m being sensitive or if this is unreasonable behaviour?

I should add they were together for around 5 years, no children together and not engaged or married.

Perhaps they are still friends? Many people break up amicably and remain in touch.

Do you have reason to suspect anything suspicious?

I wouldn’t worry to much about him having her phone number.
I’d probably be a little annoyed if he wrote her birthday in his new diary but is it written or electronic?

Do you trust him?

Well I’m still good friends with a few of my exes and it would be a real problem if anyone I dated had an issue with that! Do you trust him or not?

He isn’t very nice about her so they’re definitely not friends. I feel he maybe ‘isn’t nice about her’ because he’s secretly still got a thing for her.

I guess different people have different takes and some people like the whole “let’s be friends” thing.

However for me personally I think if you don’t share kids and a house and there’s nothing to sort regarding belongings etc then there’s no need to keep in touch.

My ex husband was “friends” with a number of his exes, but then if we argued etc would bring them up or pop out to meet them for a “catch up” … it was disrespectful and interfered with our relationship (hence being divorced!) So in my view there’s no need.

I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing and I would try not to worry that much.

Are you concerned that he still holds a candle for her and is hoping they will get back together?

He would have actively had to go and delete her number, which probably never occurred to him. Also he might have just got an annual reminder on for birthdays so didn't actually put next year's in himself. Again it probably wouldn't have occurred to him to delete it until it pops up.

How did you find out both of these?

He definitely isn’t friends with her. He has actually been quite nasty about her at times; so I don’t understand why he keeps her number/birthday in a written diary.

I think you are being a touch sensitive. I’m very happily married and have been for the last 30 years but still speak regularly to my boyfriend from when I was 18. People remain friends. It’s nothing suspicious :)

I don’t think I’ve ever deleted a phone number. Every ex I’ve ever had is more than likely in my phone.

Just block her number from his phone 😂😂

DH's ex came to our wedding. Her address is in our family address book. We went to her first and second weddings. DH and I have been together for 35 years.

I bumped into an old bf in a coffee shop in about 2006. We swapped numbers and had a chat a few days later. I deleted his number. When I changed phones a few years later and transferred my data, his name and number popped up. I deleted it. It happens every time I change phones.

Sorry but for me this is insane. I don’t regularly talk to any of my exes but I keep their numbers.

1 - I have loads of numbers in my phone!
2 - if they messaged me I’d rather know who it was
3 - wtf is wrong with having someone’s phone number?! I can still remember my childhood best mate’s number, why would that be an issue?

Well, it seems all dramatic to go to the effort of scribbling out their names.
I have exes stored in my phone, their birthday comes up from how they are set up as a contact. A total nonentity, and I would expect someone new to give it the same amount of thought as I do (I.e. not enough to ever get round to deleting!)

Have you given your partner your phone so he can go through all your contacts?

The classic "don't like them, but still in touch". This changes my stance.

A bit of a red flag. Not just with partners and theirs exes, but anyone who doesn't have nice thing's to say about someone, but happily takes their phone calls for a chat, is a bit off in my opinion.

One of two things is happening here,

Your gut is right and somethings up - is this relationship worth it?

Or,

You don't trust him anyway - again, is the relationship worth it?

You deserve to be with someone who doesn't give you second thoughts or make you feel like "something is up". Don't settle for anything less x

I agree. If someone is saying “my ex is horrible / crazy” etc etc but then quite likes a chit chat with them its a bit off.

Men don't go off deleting everything after a relationship ends the same way women do.

My DP still has numbers even the odd photo in the depths of this devices. He doesn't use the numbers, nor does he look at the photos, they just exist. If it made me uncomfortable he would be fine with deleting just like your boyfriend said.

Birthdays in calendars these days are harmless, you add something in and usually click 'recurring every year'

1,463 contacts in my phone.

DH’s ex wife is a good friend and godmother to DC.

How do you what’s in his phone and diary, r u snooping, if so stop that!

Finally a sensible post on Mumsneet.
Betrayal or another experience can often lead to PTSD this is why people give advice not to speak to exes. What people need to do is go treat the PTSD and not view interactions with exes with suspicion...
That must be exhausting.

I think you just need to wait and see. If someone still has a thing for someone else it will come out eventually.

Just watch how he treats you. If there are any other red flags then don’t ignore them.

Dont go down the path of telling him what to do because then you won’t get to see how he will handle it.

So he hasn't actually put her birthday in his 2025 diary?

He offered to delete her number of you preferred. But as he has said she's messaged a few times across the year that's probably why he hasn't.

I mean I have loads of numbers saved that I no longer use. I just don't bother deleting them all.

I don't have any exes numbers on my phone, they're exes for a reason.

I have to keep in touch with my ex because we have children together though I'm 90% alienated, and even then, I've got a separate phone number for him/them - boundaries.

Personally I'd think it a bit odd, wouldn't describe myself as insecure, but, would feel uncomfortable by it.

No kids no house together, no ties, no need for contact.

I never delete numbers - too lazy! Don't overthink it.