Smoking

[Mummystrawb]

hello,

looking for some advice with concern over my 1yo being exposed to secondhand/third hand smoke.

my baby will be going to my in laws a day a week when I return to work soon but I’ve noticed when we’re at their house their son/daughter will stand at the door having a cigarette with all of the smoke blowing back into the house where my baby is. I mentioned this to my boyfriend to suggest he approach the topic with his parents but he was obviously not going to volunteer to have this conversation. How do I get across to them how important it is that they close the door and smoke outside so she isn’t exposed?

I also have an issue with his relatives who smoke touching her face when they have cigarette smoke on their hands. I feel like they’ve done it for so long now it would be tricky to mention it, but I feel so guilty when they do it.

lastly, most of his side of the family smoke in their homes, so obviously all of their clothes/belongings have a strong smell of smoke, all of the toys/books they have gifted her for Christmas really stink of smoke, but I know my partner will say I’m being unreasonable if I was to get rid of them. Is there a way to properly clean them so that the chemicals won’t be harmful to her?

thanks.

I'm with @Msrachel on this.

Your baby should feel happy and comfortable while in their care, not breathing in second hand smoke and I too say this as an ex smoker.

Be clear with your bf either he speaks to them about the smoking or dc doesn't go there. Would you trust them to follow your wishes

Spending time is a privilege.

Being the unpaid childcare is a favour.

I'm surprised you need that explained?

Either way, if you're going to insist on them caring for your child and your DP isn't going to speak up, you need to learn to communicate your feelings or change the arrangements.

No. If this was a dangerous dog situation would you say that? Free childcare so put up with the danger going on? You might say put up with it but I wouldn’t. I’d say when my child is there no secondhand smoke and wash hands afterwards. If the family are too stupid and/or just don’t care to put the infant before smoking then finding other childcare would be necessary.

I wouldn't send my child to a smokers house for any childcare.

I've had recurrent bouts of pneumonia as an adult and was diagnosed with asthma quite late and I can't prove it at all, but everyone smoked inside our house and being around it now even as an adult makes my chest tight and wheezy and gives me a migraine and my sons eczema plays up when he is in contact with second and third hand smoke too.

Your child's health is far too important. More important than any quality time, privilege or favour they're offering.

Your baby's health trumps MIL's feelings

If you're having free childcare, you can't dictate that smokers stop smoking, or that unhygienic people become hygienic, my point is whats more important to OP? childcare or standards, you can't dictate how a house runs when you're getting free childcare. So it's safety or money..

edit: I vote safety BTW.

Is it that you just want them to close the door? I honestly can't see why you just don't ask them to do that. Seems very straightforward. They are outside freezing their arses off, it's not like waves of tropical heat are blowing out keeping them toasty. If you can't speak to them use a nursery or CM.

So money is the only thing you think can create a safe childcare environment. If you had a person smoking in your home close to the child you were looking after you’d only say not to smoke whilst the child was with you if you got cash? How sad. I’d prioritise the kids needs and parents wishes.

Bin the gifts. I wouldn’t let my kid touch or play with them. Your partner should be more concerned about his child’s health.
If they want to spend time with her they can visit her at your house another time. You need to put her first! Get a child minder or nursery for the day. Their feelings do not come before your child.

Sorry but yes.

In what way is it a favour? It doesn't benefit the OP in any way.

Oh stop being argumentative.

Of course money isn't the only thing creating a safe environment 🙄

But if OP is wanting to send her child into a household where multiple people smoke, and I bet not all of those people relish having the child there, much less changing their routines to accomodate. I was referring to cash as in pay for proper childcare rather than try to bribe the household... but you knew that.

If they are smokers they are unlikely to be bright enough to stimulate baby enough anyway. Nursery is much more educational and healthier than being around such a bad e ample.

I am vehemently anti-smoking

But that is one of the most ridiculous things I've read on here

OP, you won't get the stink out of clothing/toys. Nicotine is sticky, it's resistant to detergents and you'll still smell it anyway.

I wouldn't be sending my baby there, they'd be going to nursery - important to socialise with other children, etc. as a reason. Meet in-laws in non-smoking venues as suggested by other posters.

Childcare is a massive favour, not ever a privilege though, as PP have pointed out.

🙄

This whole thing is so precious, I actually think I may have grown up on a different planet to a lot of mumsnetters, life will be very hard if anyone worries about things like this, I mean Jesus, try being a kid in the 1980s, even the bloody cat smoked indoors 😂!

I agree with this.

What will you do OP at age around 2 and your toddler is walking along the pavement/in the buggy with all those car exhausts belting out?

As for "washing your hands before touching the baby" how do you think they will ever build up any immunity?!

Presumably the hand washing is to limit the baby's exposure to third hand smoke - e.g., from the residue left on the smokers hands (which includes nicotine, arsenic and a host of other toxic chemicals). Exposure isn't going to build up a baby's immune system to those, just potentially damage their health.

I'm a smoker, don't have kids but do have pets. I smoke outside, wearing something over my inside clothes, then wash my hands when I come back in - all to limit the pets' exposure. I think its a very reasonable ask in the context of a baby.