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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To buy DD some more new shoes?

25 replies

mysteryfairy · 02/05/2008 14:46

My DD is six. I only get her ready for school on a Friday - it is normally DH as I leave for work earlier Mon to Thurs. Today it's sunnyish so for the first time this year she is wearing summer uniform. DD was very distressed because she does not have over knee white socks (yuk) like everyone else. She also got distressed because for the first time she needed to wear her new school shoes - the last few weeks she's been wearing out her winter boots. She was party to choosing the shoes (from a restricted range and no clarks/startrite), but now says they are horrible, not like everyone elses shoes and they make her feet look big and ugly. Shoes are the fourth pair down on the left in this link: www.skuffsandskruffs.co.uk/products/school_girls.html

I sent DD to school in last year's Lelli Kelly sandals with reassurance that we can go shopping for some shoes and knee socks later. This on the basis that I can remember how awful it was being forced into something different than everyone else (although in my case it was startrite and knee socks I wanted to avoid rather than aspired to, lol) and for the sake of a few pounds don't want her to feel the same.

DH is less than impressed and says DD should learn that sometimes you just have to make do with what you have and rise above the pressure...

AIBU to feel school shoes (and socks) are a very sensitive subject and we should do our best to minimise the distress they cause?

DD is not spoilt or grasping in general and whilst shoes are not cheap they won't make a significant impact on our budget.

OP posts:

TheHedgeWitch · 02/05/2008 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

windygalestoday · 02/05/2008 14:49

i think tbh its daft to buy her new shoes when they fit her and are imo v cute -knee socks id allow but not new shoes theres not much longer left really til the summer hols so i think im with your dh.

FAWKEOFF · 02/05/2008 14:51

i would be a bit pissed if i had just spent £50 on a pair of shoes that my daughter flatly refused to wear.

seeker · 02/05/2008 14:52

I'd do the socks but not the shoes. It doesn't matter if you can afford them or not - it's the principle of the thing. She's got shoes that fit her and she helped choose - she should wear them.

sparklesandnowinefor6months · 02/05/2008 14:52

Yes children do have to 'learn to make do' with things, mine certainly have to! but i think you should buy the shoes and socks for your DD i would much rather send my child to school knowing that they are comfortable with their apperance than worrying that they look different

Kids can be horrible to each other and will pick on anything should they be inclined too, i remember it well!

seeker · 02/05/2008 14:54

Have youi had a look at what all the other girls are wearing. I have learned to be very suspicious of "But everyone else is....."

onebatmother · 02/05/2008 14:55

It's wrong, but I think I'd do it too, if her upset continued for a few days. DH is right - kids do need to learn to rise above the pressure, but we all have vivid memories of feeling 'different' and part of me thinks if you can prevent that, why wouldn't you? There are going to be lots of things that you can't prevent, no?

sparklesandnowinefor6months · 02/05/2008 14:57

lol seeker mine try that one 'but everyone else stays up til XX/goes to McDonalds for tea every night/has new DS games every week/etc'

they do try don't they

onebatmother · 02/05/2008 14:57

oh that's different though, surely?

onebatmother · 02/05/2008 14:58

Original poster

mysteryfairy · 02/05/2008 14:58

Am going to pick her up in half an hour so will weigh up what everyone else is wearing although I think there is an element of truth in what she says as the girls in her class seem to be very conventional - all have the same Next outfit on at parties etc.

I would never normally back down over anything like this but I just remember so clearly the misery of every summer clarks only having one style in a D fitting and it was the most hideous disgusting thing ever and I was mortified to wear it.

I love the Angulus shoes, but what if to DD they are like the clarks horrors of thirty + years ago and I'm inflicting that same misery on her?

OP posts:

mum2taylor · 02/05/2008 15:04

I think the fact that she liked the shoes to begin with, but only now dislikes them because her friends are wearing others means that you should have made her wear them, she may now think that she can turn on the tantrums every time someone in her class has a pair of shoes that she takes a fancy to.

Original poster

mysteryfairy · 02/05/2008 15:08

I'm not sure how much she did like the shoes to begin with - there was restricted choice, we were in a hurry, she is eager to please... think she might just have agreed because I was happy with them, but then regretted it when the reality of wearing them to school came along.

OP posts:

Original poster

mysteryfairy · 02/05/2008 15:11

She really is not the tantrumming kind. Loads of children in her class have those weird clarks shoes with toys in. She has admired them to me and exclaimed over them, but it wouldn't cross her mind to aspire to those - she knows that would be hopeless!

I tried to explain to her big clumpy shoes = thing fragile looking legs (therefore good thing) but then realised this is NOT a good message for a six year old!

OP posts:

nooka · 02/05/2008 15:12

I know where you are coming from having had similar experiences as a child, but the shoes you have chosen are lovely and one morning upset wouldn't be enough to make me promise to procure my dd whatever she wanted. I wonder if it had been your dh taking her in she woud have said anything? I only say this because my two try things on with me that they would never do with dh, and vice versa. I guess it's a balance. You don't want her to feel upset about being different, but you also don't want her to demand things on the basis of "everyone else has them" all the time. You are now in a tricky position as you have promised the new shoes without knowing if this is a real upset or not. For example my dd often has "proxy" upsets when she will present as being really upset about something and then I ask if that's what has really made her sad and she will then tell me about something quite else that for some reason she didn't feel she could talk about.

shouldbeworking · 02/05/2008 15:17

I'm absolutely astonished that a 6 yr old is that bothered about what she's wearing on her feet. My dd couldn't have cared less at that age. Only in the last year or so (she's 11) that she's really shown any interest and even so has very wide feet so has to have what ever in the shop fits her.
Personally I couldn't afford to discard a perfectly good pair of shoes just because dd didn't like them anymore and if my dd had been in on the choice of them she would have to wear them.

Original poster

mysteryfairy · 02/05/2008 15:17

If DH had taken her she would have been in Winter uniform - he would never have the initiative to make the switch!

OP posts:

DarthVader · 02/05/2008 15:27

Why not buy her some sandals and let her wear them now, presumably you are going to buy some soon anyway?

Or get some Clarks for £25 and let her have those for school with the Angulus for out of school?

If the money is not an issue I wouldn't make this into a massive deal.

My 8 year old dd couldn't care what she or anyone else wears to school but I think that all kids are different.

misdee · 02/05/2008 15:29

get the socks but not the shoes.

mummydoc · 02/05/2008 15:30

at 6 years of age my dc do not get a choice in the matter, they are allowed to choose "school " shoes from the selection in the shopI deam appropriate and then they wear them

Original poster

mysteryfairy · 02/05/2008 15:52

I have picked DD up.

Not everyone is wearing white knee socks. There are also white ankle socks, grey knee socks, grey woolly tights... DD has white ankle socks.

DDs new shoes are definitely somewhat clumpier than what the other girls are wearing though. However the slighly too small (but open toed so hopefully no harm done) sandals she eventually went in in were definitely even more conspicuous... Will try having another chat and maybe get her to model the Angulus shoes for grandma/my BF/some other random people to admire and big up.

She has got some new summer sandals already (needed for a family party this weekend), but they are lime green, flowery and slighly OTT for school.

OP posts:

CountessDracula · 02/05/2008 15:54

Are they meant to wear short socks in teh summer or long?

Original poster

mysteryfairy · 02/05/2008 15:58

Her school isn't that precise unfortunately. Her older brothers have a very strict uniform code and tbh that's easier to deal with even though it involves DS2 in wearing shorts and woollen knee socks all year round

OP posts:

madmuggle · 02/05/2008 19:50

I'd tell her to go to hell, wearing the shoes she already has

2GIRLS · 02/05/2008 22:00

The shoes are lovely, but I'm surprised that she is allowed to wear them to school don't the school say black shoes only? Well, probably not since you bought the shoes I suppose!

But I think that most girls are aware of what they look like at that age and they are aware of being different and they are old enough to have those feelings.
So even though it's so annoying and yes, she should learn to make do with what she has, if money's not the issue I'd get her some other, cheaper, shoes fro school.

The shoes you already have are lovely, they can be worn out of school, without looking like school shoes.

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