To think they might come?

[Usedphone]

The preface is that we don't have a lot of friends, but we do like to host.

So a couple of months ago I thought of hosting a proper NYE party. I invited three couples (two of them historically don't get along, but can tolerate each other if enough people are around).

DH was supposed to invite at least 2, 3 couples plus his sister.

DH didn't end up inviting anyone (maybe he'll tell his sister) and of the ones I invited one thanked me, one confirmed and one has confirmed (kind of). So the ones who have confirmed are the ones who don't love each other.

When asked for confirmation, they said "we'll still come if it's still happening" but out of transparency we said only the other couple has confirmed. They never replied back. So my DH thinks they'll make up an excuse, I think as it's technically still happening they'll come, even if they end up excusing themselves fairly quickly.

This all sounds a bit complicated for what should be a relaxed get together at your home?
perhaps unwise to invite two couples who (at best) tolerate each other in public…
I’d plan to be very flexible at this late stage - too late for trying to get definite confirmations?

maybe send a vague and pleasant group message reminding guests they are welcome. Ask them to bring a bottle. In your position I’d get a load of frozen food that won’t go to waste if people dont turn up…

Why don't you just ask them? How can anybody on here know?

I don't understand why you don't just ask them? A quick text is all it takes to say you're confirming numbers for catering

I think your message saying only one other couple had confirmed sounded like you were about to cancel! So they were saying yep they still planned to come if you were still going ahead.

Just text back saying “oh yes still definitely going ahead, see you then!”

Why are people so vague? I just don't get this.

Ring them and ask if they are coming as you need to know for the food/nibbles.

I wouldn’t want to spend the evening with a couple who I actively dislike and vice versa, that sounds like a hellish way to ring in the new year.

Ring them and ask

As an aside, it's not a good idea to invite people who don't get on with each other to a small house party.

Why didn’t your DH invite anyone? Just laziness/incompetence?

If I were one of the other couples I would be pretty annoyed about being invited to a “party” which turned out to be a very small gathering of people I don’t even like…

Why won’t your DH invite anyone? That’s weird,

Shyness? He preempted that they wouldn't come anyway so didn't invite them.

His sister is more of a complex situation.

I think he just sleepily agreed to invite them without thinking beyond it.

Last year one of the couples held one of this type of parties and people came and went and it was only us in the end.

This is pretty bad planning on both your parts then. Why not phone the couples and see what they say?

We never call them! We only text / message .

One has definitely confirmed, it's the second one that left it vague (as in they didn't reply after our clarification).

Anyway, I won't deny it was terrible planning . I definitely go through more "positive" phases in life when I really want to make an effort to socialise but then I become disinterested.

This is a disaster waiting to happen.

Contact both couples and tell them that you've unfortunately had to change plans due being ill / your cats are looking depressed / you've heard there's an imminent war with Norway / you just don't feel like it.

You will probably hear sighs of relief from both directions

Ok well I have to say you’re taking it much better than I would! If my partner says he’ll do something then I do expect him to do it. Your husband left you in a pretty awkward situation.

I don’t think small gatherings are a problem per se (I actually prefer them to parties!) but small gatherings with people you don’t like aren’t much fun. I think you were right to be transparent about the situation with the couples. If you want to know for sure, perhaps follow up with another text or give them a call to confirm?

I’d just be calling round saying ‘sorry we’ve come down with x bug so New Years at ours is off unfortunately ‘ . I can’t imagine anything worse than being stuck in a house with 2 couples who actively dislike one another , that’s not a party it’s a chore .

I think I'll definitely confirm with both. DH thinks both might cancel knowing who's coming.