To have believed my son?

[threeforagirlfourforaboy]

Shorthand title - I am not sure how to deal with situations like that.

I took my children to a small soft play centre in a pub (wacky warehouse!) I was in the baby bit with my toddler and there were two other children in the main bit, plus my DS(4)

Next thing I know I heard a scream and one child comes out sobbing clutching his face. He was with his older sister who said my ds had hit the child in the face.

I tried to talk to DS about it but the acoustics were terrible and he clammed up so took him to the toilets and tried to find out what happened. DS adamant he hadn’t hit the child. I tried to find out if it had been an accident or a game gone wrong but all I got was that he hadn’t done it.

I didn’t want to leave purely on the say so of another child so I believed DS.

WIBU? It would be out of character but it would also be strange for another child to entirely fabricate a story. I can’t really hover over DS all the time with two of them and I wouldn’t have thought I’d have to at his age. Just wondering what others would have done.

Also, I didn't read the OP properly.

I didn't realise that your child was the only other child in there. There were 3 kids in total.

Of course he's done it! Otherwise, what you are suggesting is that the kid has either voluntarily whacked himself in the face, or that his sister did it, whilst simultaneously boy was being comforted by her.

So, yes. With that rather significant piece of information, you know full well your son hit him, because it can't have been anyone else.

So all you needed to ascertain was how that happened, what are you doing even entertaining that he didn't and then going along with that? Not great OP, not great.

4 years old is too young to be left unattended

I think it's important he tells the truth so he didn't need to go home unless it was a proper hard smack but he needed to be honest. Be careful of saying my child wouldn't do that, they can surprise you. Praise any incidents of telling the truth and remind him that if he doesn't tell the truth you won't be able to believe him next time.

Sounds like he definitely did hurt the girl, and definitely hit her.
I also don't agree that at 4 you don't have to watch them so closely in soft play areas.

What mystery 3 children in a play area 1 gets smacked and starts screaming, their sibling is comforting them and taking them to their parent. Both children say OP's son hit the screaming child.

There's no mystery - to cause that much pain that a child is crying means it hurt and was hard. Regardless of whether or not it was an accident OP should have made her son apologise and should have taken him out the play area for lying!

Soft play can be an absolute nightmare, I have seen full grown adult mums have an actual fight in a soft play. I was attacked by a child once who grabbed me by the throat, the child had additional needs and was left to their own devices by a parent who was not anywhere near their child, the staff said it happens often with this child and family in there. I have seen kids following other kids to taunt them, games turning into fights, all sorts. They are literal battle grounds. I wouldn't read too much into the situation, the soft play areas are a school of hard knocks sometimes and a normally mild mannered child can be hyped up, over stimulated and pushed to their limits. Your child is 4 so just coming out of the small kid stage and it gets rough in there for the bigger kids!! I hate soft play and avoid it like the plague now for these reasons but sometimes needs must and you end up in one and these things will happen.

There are way too many variables for you or anyone to be speaking in such certain terms. Perhaps the OPs child was spinning around with their arms out and they made contact with the other child's face, perhaps they were almost falling over and their arms flailed and they made contact with the other child's face, or perhaps it was malicious. Either way the older sibling and the child who was hit weren't inaccurate with their description. However I know my children for the longest time wouldn't have seen anything other than a malicious and intentional strike as 'hitting' If they'd struck me whilst dancing or something they wouldn't have called that a hit. They do now with a bit of life experience, but the OPs son is 4! So going on the op saying it would be out of character, why wouldn't you give your child some benefit of the doubt until you could get their side of the story? I've benefited far more from my parents showing trust in me than instantly jumping to the conclusion I'm a liar. I'm assuming the op knows her kid. If he was the kind of kid to lie and hit then wouldn't have been a post about it. Also some children can be lightly brushed and scream blue murder whilst others can be walloped in the chops and keep on running. Amazed anyone would see it as black and white and speak with the level of certainty you have.

A 4 year old is school age! A 4 year old knows if they've made contact with another person. They also know the difference between a lie and the truth. If a child isn't sensible enough to play around others without invading their personal space they shouldn't be playing unsupervised.
The OP said that he didn't want to be removed from the soft play.

Sure :)

What a ridiculous comment and high standard to have of someone who is only 4 years old. Gonna assume that poster has never once backed into someone, gestured and accidentally touched another person, stood on someone's foot or anything of that sort. Otherwise perhaps now they've done the sensible thing and made sure they're forever supervised from now on.

No I have obviously accidentally bumped into people, has have my children. But I and they always apologise.
The problem here was he lied about it. And then he was rewarded for the lie by being allowed to carry on playing and not being made to apologise; when the OP clearly knows he's lied!
But if he's going to hurt someone, not apologise and lie about it he clearly isn't old enough to be unsupervised in a soft play area!
By believing her child didn't hurt/hit this other child she's saying the child that was screaming in pain was lying - how would you feel if your child came to you screaming in pain because another child had hit them and their parent basically said "your child is a liar they aren't really in pain"

Agree with pp, it isn't so black and white

Child a is doing something and in doing so makes contact with child b. They may not even notice (my 4 year old could easily do something like stand on my foot and be oblivious if she's in the zone of dancing or something
Child b has been hit in the face and definitely noticed, as it hurt a lot
Parent asks child a if they hit child b, child a says no because in their mind they didn't...

In this scenario and many others like is,.noone is lying. Child b is obviously hurt, child a needs educating that just because you didn't intentionally strike someone in the face it doesn't mean you didn't hit them. It happened, and in that scenario we say sorry and make amends and that's how to be a better person. Writing off a child as a liar and a bad person is awful adulting. It's an opportunity to talk to them, work out what happened and teach them something surely?!

I.m not saying that's what happened, it's impossible for me to categorically say that as I wasn't there. However you seem to be able to speak with certainty like some sort of psychic detective which unless you know all the children in question to have a good assessment of their character and were a witness to the incident is pretty preposterous. If you can't even fathom there are possibilities other than the way you've seen it then I see no point in furthering this discussion. Would be a total waste of time to try and reason with someone who is apparently incapable of the skill.

Honestly think that's the best decision, lost too much energy on this one already. What's done is done, even the OP has clocked off

Have a lovely new year