Moving house no support

[Singlemummm]

Hi everyone, il try to keep this short as a lot has gone on so here I am posting on here for advice and help I just don’t know which way to turn my head is scrambled, I’m a single mum of one, no family or support my dad passed away 2023 he was all I had, I spoke to my family a little bit when my dad was alive but there was absolutely no support what so ever so I cut the contact to protect my mental health, it was making me ill. My daughter doesn’t see her dad or his side of the family she’s never met them, So it’s just us. I’m wanting to leave the area and start fresh it’s mentally draining me here, it’s not fair on my daughter having an unhappy mummy, I’m so worried of moving I think it’s the moving process of doing it alone with no help and very little money, I no it needs to happen but I can’t stop thinking how am I possibly going to do this alone, how am I going to afford removals and new flooring at the new propertie etc I have no idea how I will do it and afford it and I can’t get a plan in my head because I’m overthinking everything too much I just can’t think straight, it’s been a rough year it’s hit me hard everything that has happened. Can anyone give me any good tips or know of anything voluntary that can help me please? I’m sure there’s lots of people in the same position of being alone with no support, how did you do it? Thanks for reading

Do you own or rent your current property? Are you planning on remaining local? If you don’t have a huge number of possessions ‘a man with a van’ and some helpful friends would probably be the cheapest way to physically move.

As regards costs for work on a new property, it would depend on what needs doing and how long it would take you to save up - are you working?

What is going to change if you move? Will it make your life better or just be the same life different house?

Are you able to build bridges with any family or child's Dads family? If Dad isn't around what about Paternal Grandparents etc?

Moving house is expensive so set a savings goal and hand tight until you have the funds available.

Are you wanting to move to a cheaper area of the country to live OP? It makes sense if you have no support where you live to make a fresh start somewhere else. A lot of towns have groups you can join to make friends. As previous poster said a man and a van for hire is probably your cheapest option. It's actually best to pack things in smaller boxes if you can because if you use larger ones they get too heavy to carry. You can go on Neighbours and ask if anyone has any packing boxes you could have. You could ask if anyone was free on X day and could help you to carry boxes out to removal van. About flooring vinal is quite cheap and you can buy a room size rug for living room and DC bedroom if you can't afford carpets.

i Moved from the area my daughters dad and his side of the family live for safeguarding reasons so contacting them is a no go. And too much has happened with my family I moved back to my family town shortly after having my daughter to support my father and and his illness as he had nobody, I was hoping to have a close relationship with my family but they wasn’t interested I felt like a burden and a nuisance, you could tell they never wanted to help or be around us, too much has happened with my family nothing will ever change there. A move would be great as where I am living is close to extended family whom again we don’t speak so it’s awkward and my anxiety is through the roof, constant dirty looks. I’m in a small town so constantly bumping in to them is just an extra stress I don’t need.

I rent from the council, I am wanting to move area, I have two close friends but they live far away. I am currently unemployed at the moment as my daughter is 3 and I have no childcare help so once she is properly in school I can focus on a small part time job

As preparation to move, you could try to whittle down your possessions - sell old baby clothes/outgrown toddler clothes/ any maternity wear you still have at the back of your cupboard in bundles on Vinted. It might make you a small amount of cash and it will make moving cheaper and easier. Likewise any outgrown baby equipment you own. Throw away/recycle any clothes or shoes of yours that you no longer wear and are too worn out to sell or donate. Things like old tshirts make good cleaning cloths which you’ll need for a house move anyway.

I’m moving due to my mental health, this area is making me feel worse it’s a small town so bumping in to extended family members is not helping me it’s awkward and all I get is horrible looks from them, I just want to be the best mum I can be and I need to be happy to be that, my daughter has only got me and where I am living my anxiety is terrible. Thankyou for the advice I have boxes thankfully it’s just the moving side worrying incase I can’t do it and having nobody on the other side to help me with heavy things and Iv quoted up having my gas cooker disconnected and reconnected is so expensive and then the washing machine then a man with a van they want 100s

This thread in mumsnet classics might have some useful info https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/4766930-single-mum
Someone who did what you want to do. Good luck.

She didn't move furniture like you plan to, but some other info is relevant.

hi, thank you for your reply Iv already done all this to help me pay for Christmas presents for my daughter so I’m currently up to date with it and have nothing else to sell, it is a great idea though and doing things like this does help

I’ve done this many years ago. I sold everything in the house I was moving from, all white goods, cooker, sofa, dining table, beds etc and then only had stuff to move I could physically carry myself.

i then bought everything again in the new place, used gumtree back then but nowadays you can get loads from fb marketplace etc.

if you’re on benefits you may even qualify for a grant? I wasn’t and didn’t but am sure I’ve heard about it.

Can you afford to move?

Do you have an offer of a new place?

Moving is stressful and can be expensive, I understand that you are anxious staying put but having no money or debt is also stressful. Your MH may not improve if you end up in a different but equally worse situation (terrible neighbours, poor living conditions, debt etc).

I think I’ve probably moved house more than most often with little babies, toddlers and little children x 4 in tow.
Usually on my own and all I can say is it’s entirely doable. I moved from one continent to the other literally the other side of the world entirely on my own. Cleaned the house from top to bottom and got five of us on a plane. You will be okay if you have to be.
The question is, do you really have to be?

Could you work whilst your DD has her free nursery hours? Any move will be easier with some money in reserve.

OP, the first thing you need to do is try and regain control over your mental health enough so that you can face the overwhelming task of moving house. It won’t seem so overwhelming if you do this first.

New Year, new start - go and see the GP and get put on some anti anxiety meds if you haven’t already. Ask them to run some routine blood tests to check you’re not deficient in anything (my anxiety disappeared just by getting my Iron and Vit D up to optimal levels) this will give you some resilience and head space to plan your next move.

I firmly believe that 80% of how you feel mentally is rooted in how you feel physically.

hi thankyou for responding, what gives me anxiety is living too close to family, I dread leaving the house incase I bump in to them because I live on the same street as them and other family visit them, I want to be able to walk out my front door to peace and quiet and sit outside so my daughter can play on her bike without seeing unwanted people, and to not keep getting bad looks and awkwardness, and then I feel sorry for my daughter because she recognises them and it confuses her, I don’t want her feeling the way I feel growing up. I need to move away from where I am now it’s not healthy it’s a toxic environment, I have spoken to gps and tried talking therapy it’s not helped me without getting to the root of the problem which would be a house move, I guess I am just scared of doing it alone I always had my dad for support but he’s not here now. You are rite 80% of how u feel mentally is rooted how u feel physically that’s exactly is what is going on with me now x

Wow u are brave good for you i wish i could get some of your strength, rite now I’m weak and tired mentally. And whilst i remain where i am living its never going to change i guess i am terrified of doing it alone i need to conquer the fear of it and just do it but then i get scared again. Its an awful feeling

Hi, yes I have an offer. I have terrible neighbours now (family) and that’s why I feel the way I do. A move needs to happen it’s just doing it and financially I am worried so just wanted some tips from people who have done it alone with no support. I am going to speak to the council to see if there is any help x

I think you could get a quote from a 'man and van' type removal company for taking all your stuff to the new place.

Check if you are entitled to free hours childcare. Get your daughter settled in nursery and then get yourself a part time job. Working is so good for your mental health.

I moved - on my own with kids . I paid for removals … and took what I could in my car .
Moving costs money - there’s no getting round that . You’ll have to save up. If your child is three you could work . You’ll get childcare help . It would also improve your mental health - not being stuck indoors near the people you don’t like .
Become a strong independent woman - then you don’t need to rely as much on other people.

Are you on UC?
You could apply for a budgeting advance towards moving, if you haven’t already.

There’s no getting around it, it’s going to be hard but by the sounds of it the move will be good for you. Keep holding on to that!

I honestly can’t relate because whilst I’ve often collapsed in a big heap afterwards.
In the moment and at the time the adrenaline kicks in and you just have to do what you have to do.
I’m a huge believer in just pull yourself together and get through it, then if you need to have six months off afterwards to sit in a darkened room. That’s fine.

You are totally rite! Thankyou for the empowering advice x

I’d try to do a list of what you need to take. Will you be needing to move furniture, if so how much? White goods? Basically all you need if you’ve not got much to move is a man and van, maybe with a friend. That can be done for a few hundred quid max. If you’re really on your uppers you could rent a zip can and do it yourself- but it depends if you’re moving sofas etc.

In terms of the new place- have you seen it? You don’t necessarily need new flooring from day one, you could manage with a few rugs etc for a decent time. See if you can get onto a local facebook group and look out for large rugs etc.

Just take it step by step.

I do also agree that if you can get your DD into a nursery for some free hours and earn a bit of money, even a few shifts in a cafe or cleaning houses that would also be worthwhile to create a bit of a buffer.