Trying to cut a long story short. I never knew my father growing up, raised by my mother but with a huge amount of influence from grandparents as my mother did struggle at times, she did try her best though!
Name changed just because.
I always knew who my father was and his name etc but never had a relationship. It was partly my mum making it extremely difficult for him, I get the impression that perhaps if he wouldn’t take her back he couldn’t see me then also he could have tried harder so fault on both sides. A relative has admitted how my mum and family made it very hard for him to see me but then he should have tried harder.
I am in my thirties, over the last year I’ve realised life is too short and met my bio father for the first time about a year ago. I’ve made it very clear I’m not looking for a father figure but it’s been nice getting to know him and about his family, his wife and kids etc. I just perhaps wanted closure and perhaps to meet new family and discover where I’m from. Too much time has passed to have any kind of father daughter stuff. I don’t see it that way at all, I see him as a new friend more than anything.
I was honest with my mother from the start but I don’t make a huge thing about it. Don’t talk about it unless she asks as don’t want her to feel bad or anything.
for context my mum married when I was a pre teen and had 3 more kids. Still with my stepdad now and much more settled in life than she was in my younger years.
however, this is my concern. She seemed okay about it but then she kept saying she wanted to come with me to meet him - I met him without telling her first as I knew she’d say she would want to come, she’s always questioning me about him, his wife, kids etc, calling his wife names - wife came a few years after I was born so the other woman aspect here. His wife seems nice enough to me.
she then talks about how he hurt and stuff. I get it, he did and I’m not dismissing that however a long time has passed and she seems to be thinking more of her feelings than mine. I just feel like she’s pushed my feelings aside.
she’s now added him as a friend on social media and I just feel a bit icked about it. I feel embarrassed by it. If my stepfather added an ex on Facebook she’d flip - she does have some serious jealously issues. He has his life etc and I don’t feel like she really needs to be involved in this being the grown adult I am?!
I have been nothing but respectful about the whole thing, not mentioning it to my mum unless she asks and definitely not in front of my stepfather as he’s a great man, she also seems to have a massive issue with me potentially building a relationship with half siblings as it’s not fair on my siblings her side but they are young adults and think they are old enough and wise enough to understand the whole family dynamic.
Aibu? I feel like just not bothering with the meet ups with bio father anymore and stopping it all because of the way my mother is acting.
what do I do?