That feeling when you’ve been left out of a friends birthday

[Goodtoknowhey]

How do you brush it off more easily? I’m just far too sensitive
Another friend not invited also, so it doesn’t quite feel *As bad, but still…I’m such a person who really makes an effort to include everyone.
Obviously, people can invite whoever they want wherever or to whatever, but when you assume you would have been invited, it changes things doesn’t it? makes it awkward and as though, you think of them more than they think of you

Anyone else get sensitive about it?

It’s horrible OP at any age. So sorry.

Not a nice feeling

How did you even know they were doing something?

Photos came up on social media from
someone else at the party (we’re not really friends, just messaged a couple of times about kids things)

It would depend on what they were doing and whether it was something that costs a lot and they thought you may not be able to afford it. It would depend if they were travelling by car and didn't have room. It would depend if it was something where 6 could book and there are 8 of you. So I may have different answers for different circumstances.

Definitely, it’s such a shitty feeling. But maybe it’s that they think of you and your friendship differently, than you do. I’ve definitely had friendships where I thought i was close to my friend, but it would turn out that they would not see me that same way, and I found out the hard way. It is crap but try and focus on other friendships, and keep this one at a distance.

As others have suggested, I think we need more information before we can take advise - who did and didn't go, what is your relationship to that group?

Yes, that sort of thing is hurtful, it's not just you, OP.

The only way forward it to be gracious about it, and try not to give it more weight than it warrants. There could be a number of reasons you weren't included on this occasion, and if you can breeze through the aftermath as if it were of no importance it can pave the way to a more realistic understanding of your relationship in the longer term, strengthening your boundaries and adjusting your expectations so you can still be friends.

It looks to be a mix of people from different groups and a couple from ours, so a sort of mix up of all her friends

Seems to be an open thing, not far, I have no issues with money etc

Totally understand. Happened to me a few years ago. When I questioned it I was told they were special friends but I was the one she confided all her problems in. As if that was a consolation prize. Guess what, I didn’t want to be that friend. I’m still smarting years later.

It sucks. Happened to me years ago - but was a baby shower. I felt a huge fool because I bought the baby a lovely, expensive gift then that evening heard everyone talking about a baby shower months previously.

it’s embarrassing and it hurts.

That’s awful 😞 Yes, if I was told that, I couldn’t be bothered either, if you’re not special enough to be involved, what’s the point

Oh 😔 did you end up giving the gift?

My daughter had a friend first year of high school - they were genuine friends and it got to a point where since it would only add 10mins to our journey I offered to collect this friend on the way to school to save her parents the bus fare and let her leave a bit later on the mornings plus it was nice for my daughter to have company on the school run. Knew this friends birthday was coming up so we got her a personalised sports shoe bag to in her favourite sport. Realised after I had ordered it she was having a party but had not invited my daughter. Of course she didn’t have to but it felt awkward doing school run with her so that stopped.

That's interesting, had the same happen to me with someone. It's like you're their personal therapist, you know where all the bodies are buried, and you feel a closeness due to the intimacy of hearing their personal stuff.

But you're not part of the 'fun' friends. You're useful to them but they keep you separate. I'm very careful now not to set myself up as the listening ear, it's one way traffic!

Depends on how close a friend they are. I'd obviously be upset at being left out by a close friend. If she's having friends at her house, maybe she limited numbers because of space? I guess it still smarts a bit if you didn't make the cut 😟 try not to let it get to you or take it too personally. Just don't invest time and effort in that particular friendship in future!

I’d probably distance from them a little.

It’s often the case that these friends only see you as a friend when they are in need or need filler friends and you don’t make the cut to the fun stuff. It’s always the theme on these sort of threads as proven by some comments.

Had it happen to me too.. I was very hurt. I've continued to be polite to this friend, but been wary of her ever since, and she's gone down in my estimation.

While it wouldn't break a friendship to me, it would make me take a big step back and see the relationship in a more casual way. It's hurtful, sorry OP.