For hating the apps

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

I was in a 5 year relationship and found myself being cheated on for a fair amount of time on and off during the relationship. When I found out I kept my dignity and left. I didn’t need to live like that or bring children into it either. It dented me and my confidence for a long time.

Since then (1.5 years on) as a woman I’ve found dating really hard. Either I meet someone and I like them but for one reason or another it doesn’t work out, or I have to shut my feelings down because they’re not reciprocating so I block them out. Or I just stay away from it entirely because im
scared of liking someone in general. Of course this indicates that i am probably not ready to date. Being single is good in some ways but bad in others.

I just feel a bit confused by the dating scene and while I am getting therapy. I just wonder if others have experienced the same?

I find it all scary and intimidating.

I have told my friends that I’m not ready to rush. They’ve said that is totally understandable but it would help to dip my toe and go back out there again. Just not sure as yet. Aibu?

I'm hoping to get out there next year myself, after years of not dating

Yanbu, it's terrifying 😳 x

I’ve met some great people on the apps and many have stayed as some of my closest friends.

You need to have boundaries in place from the start and be pretty ruthless but I’ve never found them as bad as people say.

Yes and no. I went on a date three days after breaking up with my partner. I just go in expecting to meet an interesting person not to get married a week later. I have firm boundaries and high expectations of a partner but low expectations of a date, if that makes sense. At times, I have to stop seeing someone because something doesn't feel right - either a person or my own feelings towards them. But that Is ok and I try not to link it with my past experience. Chances are, it's not my previous relationship that makes it "not right", it's that I don't feel particularly strongly about the date. Which is a normal thing that happens. The more you date, the greater chance you have of finding a special person.

I want to answer both reasonable and unreasonable.....I was in an abusive relationship which shook me to the core! I came out of it not wanting any 'relationship' at all! I had the odd one night fling, I had intense friendships with benefits but I was determined never to be in that position again!
This lasted for 4 years before I went to my brother's birthday party and met a friend of his! He asked me out, I said yes and explained I wasn't into relationships but was happy to go for a drink with him! That was 25 years ago! We've been married 20 years this coming June!
Take it slowly, you still need time to get over your last relationship don't rush things, have fun! It will happen when you least expect it!
Good luck with your new life! Xxx

I love this story. I’m so glad you found the happiness you deserve, the best things arrive unexpectedly🩵