To worry for my son's welfare at his dads??

[questionqueeen2022]

Last week my baby (10m) came back with a razor cut finger tip hand poring with blood. His dad didn't take him to A&E even though he says he "didn't know how he did it" at the time (it only come out that he did it on a razor in the bath because I outright asked him as the cut seemed familiar as i have been razor blade cut lots in the past while doing my legs etc!? He swore blind he didn't know how he did it and he just "turned round and saw his hand pouring with blood". He brought him home immediately rather than taking him to A&E!
The next time he had my son I bought a baby pouch of food and told him it is in the bag and to please feed him. I picked him up 2 hours later and he had not fed him and my baby was starving (crying) hungry. He didn't tell me he hadn't ate but did say he'd not long woken up when I collected him. He also said he was going to pick my son up in a car he needed to "collect" the day after he'd been drinking all night so clearly over the limit!!

Please tell me if I'm over reacting? He's wanting to see him again tomorrow and I'm worried about his welfare!

Yanbu. I'd be very concerned too. A 10 month old should never have been able to grab a razor. I'd be reluctant to allow unsupervised contact in the near future.

Sounds like the parent needs supervision never mind being left unsupervised with a child themselves.

He definitely needs supervision.

I cut the tip of my finger on a razor several days ago and it still really hurts.

Perhaps you could speak to your HV about your concerns? She should be obligated to report to children’s services and then you won’t be in the awkward position of reporting him. Don’t allow unsupervised contact until you have done this and know he can be safe.

Unfortunately you have a long road ahead in co parenting so keeping it as amicable as possible whilst safeguarding your child makes sense if you can.

So you have a court order? If not then stop contact and state why. A 10 month old shouldn’t be near a razor and he can’t even feed a baby. He needs to be supervised.

There's really no point referring herself to children's services, they have no power over either of these parents. It's up to her to stop contact if she thinks it's not safe, not up to children's services, and that's all they will tell her.

Just an alternative perspective- I remember when I was about 5, when my parents weren’t looking I sliced all my fingers on a razor in the bath. It didn’t hurt and just left little flaps of skin which I thought was super interesting (I’m entirely normal now don’t worry). It bled a lot but was very superficial so did it REALLY need an a&e trip? My parents stuck plaster on my fingers and they healed up quickly

I think its more likely along with supervision that he needs to do a parenting class.

Can any of his family members supervise?

Agree with this. Health visitor can refer for parenting classes.

@InkHeart2024 I don’t understand your point. SS can do an assessment and if necessary provide support to improve his parenting. Safeguarding is the issue here. I wouldn’t expect this to fall into a child protection category but while the child is with his father he needs to be safe.

Inkheart is spot on. Child doesn't normally reside with the father hence SS will say it is up to resident parent to stop contact if it isn't safe. They won't waste resources assessing a non resident parent when resident parent can keep child safe

Yes I would be concerned for his welfare and if it's not court ordered I would stop contact at the moment. How involved was ex in your son's care before you split? Would he be open to doing a parenting course and learning the basics? And possibly a paediatric first aid course? If he's serious about being a responsible parent to his son, he needs to develop the necessary skills.

No it didn’t need A&E and people going to A&E for things like cut fingers is a big part of why the NHS is on its knees, but that’s a separate issue. In the OPs shoes I’d want some level of supervision.

A 10m old baby's hand(finger) POURING with blood enough to wet parents clothes, their own clothes a hand full of dry and wet blood and the father claimed he "didn't know how he did it" didn't need A&E? Well that's worrying. My son could have cut it on glass and swallowed the glass for all I knew as his "dad" was saying he didn't know how he did it.

Yes I'd stop contact for now and insist on him completing a parenting class.

Is your son walking yet? They need more supervision, not less, as they get into the toddler years and start grabbing everything interesting and possibly dangerous that they can find. It doesn't sound as though your ex is alert to the needs of very young children. Would he agree to visit your son at your house for now, where you can keep an eye out? Or is there a responsible grandparent around who could help out?

Unless it sliced an artery, I doubt it was poring blood .. probably looked a lot worse than it was, a bit of pressure, a clean up, and a plaster.

He didn’t swallow glass though .. you can’t go to Court and SS to say you want to reduce contact.. for something that didn’t happen.

They won't get involved in this type of situation. It doesn't meet the threshold. Not every situation of poor parenting meets the threshold for social services intervention. In this case it's the responsibility of the safe parent to protect the child. Now if he wants parenting support he can seek it out, but it's not going to be imposed on him.

Of course a razor cut doesn't need a and e. Keep it in perspective. A razor can't physically cut deeply enough to need an a and e trip assuming it wasn't a cutthroat type!

A razor cut defo doesn’t need an and e unless it’s to a main artery not a bloody finger tip!

the drinking and driving is the huge issue here in my view as it is fatally dangerous as well as illegal. I’d focus on that, can you talk to him about it?

A 10m old baby's hand(finger) POURING with blood enough to wet parents clothes, their own clothes a hand full of dry and wet blood

If your child's finger, from a razor blade slit, was pouring with enough blood to drench your clothes then unfortunately I suspect your baby has a serious blood clotting disorder.

Except that probably isn't the case is it, because you're spectacularly exaggerating.

Wasn't this on here last week?

It absolutely was the case and now I am worrying. What on earth would that mean? & how do I find out if he has this? Is it dangerous? He hasn't cut himself before other than a scratch so... would a GP be able to confirm

What did A&E say when you took him op? Surely they were concerned at all the blood soaking through clothes from a finger cut?

I'd have expected that the Dr's there would have already started investigating his blood clotting, given the amount he was losing.

I really don’t understand how a razor blade cut would cause that much blood loss. And how A&E wouldn’t have investigated it if it had. The food thing is not that big a deal. If he was sleeping up until just before you collected he clearly didn’t have time to feed him. The drinking all night before having his kid is terrible. Why would he do that? Regardless of the driving element I would not be happy for my child to spend time with someone who has been up all night drinking and is presumably drunk and tired. Has he a drink problem?

What did A&E say about the cut? Did you tell them he was with his dad in contact time because this could be evidence to help you to stop contact (which is what I’d be doing)