To want us to move an hour from his family to be closer to mine?

[GeraldineGrang3r]

Currently live very close to DPs family. My family are just over 3 hours away and due to recent health scares with my family, I want to move closer to them, ideally within the next 1-2 years. Logistically speaking it's a faff moving, realistically speaking long term we'd need to find different jobs (we both work in niche roles so that's not straightforward), we'd potentially need a second car depending on where we can find a house / jobs etc. No DC yet but our original plan was to start TTC next year so that would add in additional logistics.

I want us to move 1 hour from here so that we're just over 2 hours away from my family and it would still mean we'd live in a decent area. DP is not 100% sure as he likes living close to him family, his Mum wants to help out with childcare etc (despite us not actually having any DC yet). AIBU to want us to move further from his family? I know 2 hours isn't just round the corner but it feels far more manageable for me than driving 3+ hours each way.

Okay from the comments at least it sounds like there's a pretty unanimous consensus that IABU. I don't think my parents would ever consider moving closer to us and his parents definitely wouldn't consider moving.

We are renting so no issues with stamp duty etc and we'll need to move at some point as currently in a 1 bed but obviously moving to a bigger place in same town is cheaper than moving an hour down the road. Train is an option but costs quite a lot of money.

I think by the sounds of it I need to find a way of making it work here. I don't want to move just round the corner from my parents as for starters I think we'd definitely struggle to find jobs near them whereas the city I was looking at sometimes does have options just not very often from a permanent job perspective. But also it just reverses the problem as at some point DPs parents health will decline too so then we'd just be 3 hours away from them and with my parents already declining health, they wouldn't be able to help with childcare much.

For those whose parents live further away, how do you manage it? Are you able to see them often?

My parents are 3.5 hours away. I see them 4 times a year but video chat twice a week. We stay in the summer hols for 10 days then also at Easter and Christmas or half term. Works fine. My brother is nearer them (1 hour) and other relatives too.

My DHs parents are in poor health and 15 mins away.

When we married my parents were just a few minutes away (OH had his own flat and I lived with my parents). OHs parents lived about 7-8;hrs by car or 12+hrs by public transport.
It was a big imbalance between the two sets of parents but fortunately we all got on well and OHs parents would holiday with us. Later when it was just his dad he'd come and stay sometimes for extended periods. Fortunately he fitted in well and didn't interfere or cause problems.

When his parents were ill (later dying) he had other family that could keep an eye on them and we'd visit when we could.

Later when my parents were seriously ill I moved in with them to care for them,(took early retirement) with OHs agreement. He came and stayed some of the time and helped as he got on well with my dad.

My in laws were 2.5 hours away. We went up there every six weeks or so for the weekend, and they'd come down every couple of months.
My parents were 1.5 his away in roughly the same direction. We saw them less, but by choice.

When things got tricky and both my mum and MIL (both widowed my then, as was I) were in care homes, I'd drive to the first, visit for an hour, drive to the second (3 hours from my home), visit for a couple of hours, drive home. Seven hours of driving, apx 3-4 hours of visiting plus grabbing some lunch somewhere. Every three weeks.

My DP live 4 hours away, PIL are 2 hours away. We can't afford to move where PIL are (and wouldn't want to anyway) and not enough jobs where DP are. There's nowhere closer to both families where we could easily get jobs and afford a house, and actually want to live. Both sets live south east.

We see them maybe 4-5 times a year, we used to stay at theirs but usually stay in hotels now as it's too much to ask them to host so it's expensive for us. They don't visit us.

We aren't as close as we would be if we lived nearer, we do see PIL more often (I'd say twice as much) but that's because we can go just for 1 night.

God there's absolutely no way we could have ever stayed at my DPs for 10 days!! They are on edge the whole time we are there. My dad struggles with the DC and changes to his routine.

My parents are amazing. Everyone pitches in, I take the kids out on my own so they can have some peace etc... as they live so far away they really enjoy us all staying as they get quality time with the grandkids.

Much better to be close to one set. You would massively regret s move when you have children and need support.

Echo what others have said...it's actually logistically more trouble living midway between two sets of family. You're always travelling 'somewhere'. Also, wouldn't it be better to live close to one set for childcare emergencies? I know what I'd prefer 🤷‍♀️

Yes I can see why it makes sense living near one set. I think I'm very much thinking emotionally (/irrationally) at the moment as my Dad relatively recently had a heart attack so I'm just desperately finding ways of making seeing them easier. But like others say, living part way is probably the worst of both worlds.

My parents lived 3 hours away and DH's lived 15 mins away.

As none of their 3 children lived anywhere near them, my parents made the huge decision to move to the village where DH and I live, about 2 years ago. It was a difficult decision to make, for a couple in their early 80s, but it was really the only one if they wanted family support.

Depending on their age and circumstances, would your parents consider doing the same?

Sorry about your dad's heart attack. My dad had a serious one 4 years ago and he's back to full health (he's 74).

Would your parents consider moving nearer you?

I'm sorry your Dad had a serious one too @BlondeFool. I'm really glad to hear he's back to full health though.

Unfortunately my parents wouldn't consider moving to us. They're very much homebodies. They still live in the same town they grew up in and I don't think they'd even remotely consider moving.