Fed up of life

[AbsolutelyFriggingKnackered]

NC as I'm embarrassed of this to be honest...(not embarrassed about mental health but that I can't solve this currently!)

I'm fed up of life, that's it really. I know I shouldn't be, and my god there are awful things happening around the world and I should be grateful to be living , breathing and free, but I'm not.

To set the scene, early 30s, one child age 4. Have a husband who is generally very very great. Work FT in a professional therapeutic (ironically) role with young people, love it but it's emotionally/mentally draining. Currently trying to sell the house but no luck yet - sick of my house. A lot of wider family drama ongoing which is impacting my mental health but can't escape from (can't just go NC for example). On my 4th month of illness now with various kids bugs - currently got a chest infection. Sleep deprived from Christmas madness and a couple of family crises. Undergoing a postgraduate degree also.

I'm just tired. I rarely wake up happy these last few weeks. I know what I'd tell my young people if they felt this way but can't seem to apply this to myself at the moment.

Feel like my system needs a reboot or upgrade or something.

(Also ND - diagnosed)

Are you getting enough vitamin D ?
Would it be possible to organise a winter break somewhere hot and sunny ?

Sounds like a stressful few months. It's perfectly normal to be fed up under those conditions. Just remember that it's temporary, lots of what you mention will pass. I personally find December a slog, everything goes mental with work, commitments with the kids, along with the demands of Christmas and flu season. January will be easier.

Allow yourself the luxury of being fed up, and take care of yourself as best you can, but also remember it's going to get easier from here.

Thank you everyone, for your kindness, it's actually making me a bit teary.

The way I'm carrying on this last few weeks isn't okay - my bad mood is leaking out into everything I do and putting that on others isn't acceptable. I need to get my stuff in order - vitamin D is a good shout as I'm darker skinned so most definitely deficient. We do actually have a little family holiday planned for January so that might help. Holidays/breaks away always do. Very fortunate to have that option.

I need to practice what I preach essentially. Acceptance of where I am now. Awareness that it'll pass and a lot of self care and rest!

Thank you

Are you able to force yourself to do some exercise? It really does help but appreciate it's hard to get going when you are drained

I could do and should, I'll get back to exercise when I've got over this chest infection

When I'm at my worst I do 30 mins gym whilst child is in swim lessons. At my best it's 3/4 times a week. Even once a week makes a difference. It's uncanny

I think you are trying to do too much.

Full time, mentally draining work
A young child
Selling a house
Family drama
Postgraduate degree

This is probably what is making you physically ill. You need rest. Plan for future events like Christmas to be much more low key. Prioritise your needs before extended family.

Why can't you escape family? If it is damaging your mental health then you should definitely stop being involved.

Someone recommended Wintering by Katherine May on a similar thread. It has a lot of excellent reviews

Sounds like you have an awful lot on, and are doing a bit too much.

Am ND also and find when have a lot on my plate I begin to feel really stressy and need to slow right down.

I can relate OP. I am also absolutely shattered, and ill. Not great over Christmas! Your feelings are totally valid. Can you try to slow down if possible, take some things off your plate, up the self care? Make sure your upcoming holiday IS a holiday, don’t take on too much or over plan etc. Hope you feel better soon!

@AbsolutelyFriggingKnackered I absolutely feel for you. I work in maybe a similar field , outreach for children with behavioural problems, in the uk they call them prus. I’ve 3 children and absolutely zero support from family, my parents have absolutely no interest in my kids and my dhs family need help .. as they are all totally unstable and have mental health issues so we literally have to help them ….yup …even financially….we have 3 dcs..
I often wake up exhausted and burnt out but like you I give great advice to others .
@AbsolutelyFriggingKnackered early nights, exercise and good food . I feel a million times better with sleep

Sounds like burnout! You need to start prioritising you (easier said than done). Get some blood tests if you haven’t already, vitamin deficiencies (Iron, Vit D, and others) can cause fatigue, depression etc. Magnesium can also help with sleep, but of course consult a GP.

Maybe start the day with some bite size exercise, a 15 minute walk, 10 minute Pilates, some yoga? I do the 10 minute Pilates on you tube and they are manageable/enjoyable! I also try to end my evening with a walk after I’ve finished work, deep breaths and a bit of head space- even just once around the block!

PG degrees are grueling, they are mentally taxing and I think even the people with the least responsibilities struggle. If it’s a masters, remember you just need to pass, if it’s a PhD, you definitely need to slow down (marathon not a sprint).

See what you can cut responsibility wise from your life. This year, I cut out sending unnecessary Xmas cards & presents, we had extended family all on one day 2 weeks before the ‘big day’ and just had our little family at home on Xmas day.

You cannot do everything and as women we are so conditioned to take the burden of everything on, you need to do the minimum you can to ensure you can do the maximum in the areas that matter.

I’m with you. Life is very hard with moments of enjoyment and fabulousness. Hard to find fabulousness when weather is shit and the mental
load . Hard to moan when so many have it harder than us. We’ll be dead soon and fifty years after that no one will remember us.

Got to make the most of it tho. Exercise definitely helps. Wine also helps!

Thank you everyone.
I needed the reality check.

@babasaclover I've booked in for my exercise class tomorrow so if I don't wake up feeling shocking I'll go, if not I'll do a walk. It always does help, you're right about that.

To everyone else saying slow down, sleep, rest...absolutely. I know my body needs these things and yet it gets to a point in the year where I've completely let it all slip.

@WallaceinAnderland can't escape because it involves vulnerable people (range of needs, elderly and also an extended child family member who is in care) who depend on me for care - love them a lot but they need a lot and it takes a lot from us (not just me, have siblings that help a lot)

I've been thinking this a lot recently. As a young person I used to have health and death anxiety. It's been creeping in again recently and my thoughts seem to turn morbid. Hoping it's the weather!!!

You're probably right with approaching burn out! I really need to be careful. Started at a new workplace earlier at the start of the year as well so that won't have helped !

I've worked in PRUs and special education in the past, hats off to you, it's incredibly challenging both physically and mentally.

Sleep is the cornerstone of everything isn't it. I often hate sleeping (ADHD/ASC) so need to get on track with that again as I do feel 80% better when rested

I'm speaking from personal experience here: your body is telling you that you need to look after yourself. If you don't? It will make you - and I can only hope you have supportive family and friends.

Please do something now, before you're in a situation to find out just how supportive or not your network is.

You matter.

You have a stressful full time job, a small child, caring responsibilities for elderly and vulnerable relatives, and you're combining this with further study! Bloody hell, OP no wonder you're feeling fed up. Even without the constant stream of illnesses that would be 'too much' for most people.

People will tell you to prioritise rest and self care, and rightly so, but there are only so many hours in a day. Be realistic and ask yourself, does something need to give? If so, what can you feasibly scale back on? Can the postgraduate degree be put on hold until your child is a little older, for example? Can you drop a day at work? Can you explain to your siblings that you're struggling and would like them to pick up the slack with caring for your relatives temporarily? There is no shame whatsoever in taking steps to get a better work/life balance. You don't get a medal for running yourself ragged.