To ask if your siblings are like this too

[iCantStopppEating]

My sibling in her 50’s. I’m late 30’s and one sister is 40’s. The eldest one is very bitchy (I know there’s better words I can use! But too tired right now to think). For example she says really nasty things but not directly e.g. my sibling in her 40’s has had infertility issues and has had many miscarriages so has one child and decided that’s it no more. The eldest one makes comments such as it’s so boring having one child and her friend with only one kid is cruel as her child is lonely etc. etc. I’ve asked her not to make these comments but she doesn’t stop. That’s just one comment but she makes them numerous times including about over weight people directed at me. No one responds to her but it makes me really angry. I did have words about not saying anything about one child families as it upsets my other sibling but her response is so what.

I don’t want to use immature language like evil but that’s how I see my siblings overall the older one in particular.

DH thinks I’m bu as most people are like them and not everyone is as considerate as me! I don’t believe it how can they be so cruel?

funny thing is the one that makes the most comments is very popular and has tonnes of friends and everyone seems drawn to her. What are your siblings like? Is this normal?

I know this is AIBU so will be asked why I’m mentioning the ages reason is to show we’re not little kids but women and I don’t think comments like that are very normal

we only see each other 2 or 3 times are year and over Xmas get together it was horrible atmosphere with comments like this

God, no. I’m in my 50s & my sister is in her late 40s - we’re very close & have supported each other through a lot of shit.

That’s definitely not normal as far as I’m concerned.

My sisters aren't like this, although we are closer in age. I don't think that kind of cruelty is normal. I mean, we wind each other up - don't get me wrong - but we'd never be cruel. One sister has one child, I have two and the other none. We all live different lives. Has your older sister always been like this or do you think getting closer to the menopause has changed her?

I’d associate that kind of behaviour more with teenagers.

I think she’s always been this way. I notice it more as I get older. She never says it directly which makes it harder. It’s really difficult to explain but she is not lying about her friend as I know the family and I know the child really wants a sibling but she doesn’t need to talk about it around the other sibling.

DH thinks I am too sensitive and should just let these comments slide. I usually do but it’s so difficult sitting there listening about digs at one child families when so many suffer and having one child is amazing, not everyone is able to even have one child.

sorry posted too soon. He said the other 2 including the one with fertility issues are getting on with their lives whilst I’m back home and still thinking about it. I know I shouldn’t but I just can’t get over how she thinks this is okay to say.

My sisters and I have pretty different lives. None of us are mean or cruel to each other.

Would you say this behaviour is cruel on purpose or is it just thoughtless? I get confused sometimes as it’s not direct

I think most people like this are not actually cruel but they lack awareness. They just don't get it. I know you have tried to point it out but this just leads to someone like this getting defensive about what they've said rather than feeling stricken by the pain they now realise they've caused. I've noticed that such people are very often popular too. They are good company at parties but their sensitivity dial is turned right down.

I don't think you can get them to change. Just withdraw a little emotionally and seek closeness elsewhere.

I don’t understand why you bother seeing them tbh.

What does your sister with the one child actually say about it? Maybe she rolls her eyes and accepts her older sister is a twat. She probably doesn't want you to be worrying on her behalf. Just accept older sister is a piece of work and give her a wide berth.

I used to have a friend a bit like this and I think it is boundary pushing behaviour. They see how much they can get away with but when challenged will claim they never meant to cause offence etc etc. It probably comes from insecurity and sibling rivalry.