MIL and photo of DPs ex

[Emonade]

We have just arrived at my MILs after a horrendous journey, she lives about five hours away from us, our DS is eight months and she has been up twice in that time to see him! Since my DP and I got together three and a half years ago she has made it very clear she hates that he's moved up to be with me and we have never exactly had a cosy relationship! When you walk into her house the first thing you see is a large photo of my partner and the family and my partners ex girlfriend, my partner has asked his mother numerous times to take it down cos it's dead awkward but she never has but today we've turned up and she's cut a picture of Mary Berry out and glued this over my partners ex gf, is it me or is that sort of worse?! I do just find it funny now but AIBU to think that especially now we have a baby she could've just took it down?!

she's never made an effort

Since you've had your baby, she's visited twice in eight months, despite living 5hrs away. She's made an effort. You need to recognise that.

It's actually my DP who asked her to remove the photo I wasn't really arsed, he was with his ex for a long time but she had an affair with one of his best friends! So didn't end well. I absolutely can't bake.

Is it a group photo?

I think your DH needs to chill.

Also twice on 8 months when she lives 5 hours away is effort!

How often have you visited her?

I think you should be really grateful she has only visited you twice.

My mother used to change the photos in her living room according to who was visiting her. So if it was me and my DS and DH she would have our pictures around the room. Then when we'd left she'd take them down. If my brother and his family were visiting she'd put their photos up. The rest of the time she had my sister and her families photos up because they lived near her and went to her house regularly. I actually found this really offensive and asked her not to bother putting my families photos up just because I was coming to stay. But she of course ignored how I felt because that's what she always did.

You would think your MiL could at least take the photo that upsets you down for the duration of your stay but she sounds bloody minded, just like my mother.

Sounds like something my mum would do!

OP, my DD endured a Christmas of her MIL showing everyone FB memory photos of her new husband with all his exes over the years: "this was Christmas 2021, Brenda brought her puppy, awww i miss that dog., this is Christmas 2020, doesn't Sandra look great. This is Christmas 2018 with Tina in her Grinch jumper: it was hilarious.!" She was then gifted a loofah and a child's candy floss shower gel. And watched helplessly as her kids were gifted 50 (that's not a typo) parcels of plastic crap EACH. And 20 (again not a typo) parcels of designer clothing for her DH. She told me it was surreal.
Some MILS just live up to this worn out stereotype and I will never understand it. We make our SILs welcome and treat them the same as DDs. Wouldn't occur to us to do otherwise. This DD moved a long way as it was more practical for SIL's job. We've never complained or guilt tripped SIL. I just believe as a mother/MIL I have a duty to be supportive. I shall tell her about Mary Berry...and let her take inspiration!

Genius

I agree. It's a long journey and if you don't like her why would she visit more often?

To be honest I don’t see the problem, I was still friends with my ex’s mum and my DH ex is still friends with his mum. You can’t expect her to welcome his partners with open arms then just delete them when he gets a new one. Ex partners are not the enemy

Please replace Mary’s face on one of the pages with a pic of the ex’s head.

This is fucking genius @Emonade PLEASE do this!!

Oh god and this is the next genius suggestion. I’m snorting a bit laughing.

Hilarious! I think you've got absolutely the best attitude towards this OP. MIL is clearly trying to wind you up so the best thing you can do is to laugh it off - she is ridiculous!

That's even more like the other post

That's horrible the pictures should be because she wants them around not to please guests....and a loving mum has favourite memories of everyone of her kids/grandkids.

Yes I agree @jannier.
That's how I felt about it.
I actually used to be pleased to see my and my families photo on display when I went there because I thought it meant she actually missed us - we lived a big distance away. When she told me she only dug the photos out for the duration of our visit I was really upset. She was actually just putting on a show of missing us and caring.

Am I the only one who doesn't find the Mary Berry thing particularly funny? Why an elderly baker?! Now if it was someone famous who was the same age as the ex then that would be funnier

That's absolutely hilarious, well done that MiL. Laugh along with her.

I think that’s quite funny if a little nuts! I don’t think I’d get too worked up over a group photo - it might be mildly annoying- but if it’s a nice photo of everybody I’d understand. My DH’s nan had a picture of a family holiday up with my DH and a girlfriend at the time in it - I didn’t mind. Although it was one of many photos on the walls.

My DH did have to have a word with his mum though when we visited her house (he hadn’t been to hers for years for various reasons although we had seen her) to find a picture of his and his ex-wife’s wedding up in pride of place (just the 2 of them). Considering they’d been divorced quite a while and I was engaged to him (not an OW) it seemed a bit much!

I'm looking forward to DS being old enough to ask "who is that cuddling daddy?" and I can say "it's Mary Berry"!

She’s missing her son. Try to imagine the shame situation with your own child in 25 years. I’m sure it hurts that’s she’s so far away. Be kind !

I think maybe she is trying
to be lighthearted about the picture . This is an in joke with you that can run for years . Not too often maybe a gap of three months when she least expects it . How old is she ? Five hours in a car by yourself might be overwhelming for her . My DS moved 4 hours away and I do have to psych myself up for the journey .

I think it's really controlling to expect someone to get rid of a photograph in a house you're visiting.

Did your son ask for the photo to be removed before you were on the scene or only after you were on the scene?

My parents have a large canvas print from my wedding which has the whole family in - probably about 40 of us. A rare image of us all together. My bro has his ex gf and ex step kids in the picture. I would not expect my family to take this down for a new partner. You can barely see her and the kids in the picture as there is so many of us. And unless you knew she was an ex, the way they are standing he could easily have his arm round one of our cousins and kids are standing just in front of them.

So I think it depends on the photo anyways.

But the Mary berry thing is rather amusing!

Ugh I laughed so hard at this comment 🤣