To skip Christmas in the future

[Differentstarts]

My kids are young at the minute so I do Christmas for them but it's just so exhausting and not what I want to be doing at all. But as soon as their adults and have their own families I could think of nothing better then skipping Christmas and shutting myself of from the world for a couple of days. We have such a split family we have so many Christmases, we have another 1 tomorrow this will be number 4 and the thought of yet another Christmas dinner and being happy and upbeat and Christmasey all day fills me with dread. I just want to stay home and relax and sleep not help with cooking, do piles of washing up, play games and make conversation all day. Does anyone else feel like this or am I being grumpy. I don't think it would be so bad if we had 1 Christmas and we could stay home and then go back to normal life.
Yanbu when my kids are adults we won't do Christmas
Yabu I love Christmas and l will always have big Christmases even when my kids have left home

You're not being unreasonable but you need to put stronger boundaries in place. You dunt have to attend 4 Christmases!

I know i just feel so guilty i just want to keep everyone happy

I hear you, but I couldn't not have Christmas. We are on Day 3 and tomorrow is Day 4 of Christmas "day" and I am not doing this again. MIL has stayed for a week and I am shattered from running around cleaning up everywhere etc...... husband does the cooking but I do everything else and we are both on our knees.

But not yourself?

Grow a boundary as your new year's present to yourself. Learn the phrases,'I'm bloody exhausted so No Thanks, final answer', and 'I don't want to'.

But you're not keeping everyone happy are you?
The only person you are responsible for is yourself, and your actions are making your unhappy.
Just say no!

This is why I think when the kids are older it will be easier as they like going and people get them presents and get food for them and just assume where all coming as we have in the past. If I suddenly said no to everyone they would think something was wrong and I wouldn't hear the end of it

@Differentstarts seems pointless to suffer in silence until your kids are adults. You'll be broken by then!
Grow a spine and only accept invitation that you can mentally and physically cope with.

In actual life I'm very independent love spending time alone say no to things all the time but when it comes to Christmas I just feel guilty and want to keep everyone happy. I know after this week I can go back to normal and I haven't upset anyone in the process

When our kids were small we traipsed round lots of different relative's houses. Yeah, too exhausting. Not fair on you OR your kids.

Next year, Christmas is at your home, invite who you like. The other parts of your split family, will either have to do with just a video call, or you can do a "Christmas" in early December or in January with them.

One half of my family does that branch's "Christmas" in early December. Another branch, for years, did a "Boxing Day" in Jan or Feb because one member was never free at Xmas due to their job. Another part of our family just has to accept that we will never see them at Xmas.

Lost importantly, stay put, have all your things and your kid's things around you, and keep it simple.

i love christmas, but i couldn't do four of them. You really need to set some boundaries on what you can/can't do.

My family kind of compromise, we do xmas day in our own houses, then one or the other of us hosts on NYD to do a bit meal/get together for everyone.

At least that way we get a weeks rest in between!

Why though?

I don't know

I know you're not autistic as you haven't mentioned it but following the tips for an autism friendly Christmas will help in your circumstances. Keep everything low key and stripped back will prevent you from feeling overwhelmed.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/christmas-resources

Thankyou I will have a look as I have bpd which i do actually think is possibly misdiagnosed autism

I hosted The Big One for 10 people on Xmas day. Still shattered with all the prep and food shopping and more prep and more food shopping. Had lots of help from dd on day and ds and dbil last minute but I still said to myself during serving up dinner that this was my last one. I just felt like I was a restaurant owner and 10 large adults were here to stuff their faces for 6 hours.
Would be nice to be invited for the next 9 years to 9 Xmas dinners that someone else has slaved over. Just saying...

Which is what we women do.
It is not a Christmas thing.
I'll bet younget lots of guilt and pressure over all sorts of issues all year long.