My mum suffered with depression. Always took Valium throughout my childhood. Very detached - can’t remember going out for days, certainly we never had coffee together or our nails done etc. She just wasn’t interested. I’m the oldest of three girls and when looking back sort of took on a caring role with my two younger sisters. Dad was self employed and very hard working. Mum wanted more - a bigger house, private schools and pushed my dad to provide all that. Then when grandchildren came along they emigrated to the sun. She hated the cold UK winters. But, once in a warm climate hardly went out. Never sat outside on the patio of her beautiful house. Wanted more. Kept pushing, never satisfied. Sacrificing a relationship with her grandchildren for a life in the sun which she never took advantage of. I’ve tried to keep her happy my whole life. Tried to keep the family together. She died suddenly - and has left me feeling - what was that all about? I feel cheated of a relationship with my mother - why weren’t we enough?