To ask for “inside voice”?

[kurotora]

As in the title. Is it unreasonable to ask DD4 to use an “inside voice” sometimes when playing? DH becomes very annoyed at me when I ask her to please use her inside voice.

For context, I’m a chronic migraine sufferer and autistic. I feel like I’m being a horrible mum but my head feels like it’s in a vice, and I want her to keep playing…just to be able to ask her to not shout every word. :(

'Inside voice' is a bit twee, can't you just ask tell her not to shout?

Asking her to be quieter is absolutely fine. Inside voice is a bit irritating an expression.

“Inside voice” is meaningless to my children - church is inside, supermarket is inside, soft play is inside and I expect my kids to use different volumes for those! And there’s lots of outdoor situations they need to be quieter for too.

Perfectly reasonable to tell her to stop shouting or ask her to use a quieter voice when playing or if other people are in the same space.

Inside voice is very vague and confusing.

"Mummy has a headache and loud noises are hurting my ears. Can you talk instead of shouting please?"

I actually started using “inside voice” as he was even more annoyed when I asked her to use a quieter voice or turn the volume down a wee bit. I appreciate it is seen as twee to use “inside voice”, but she’s aware of what that means.

Then you have a DH problem not a DD problem. Migraines are no joke and he should be considerate of this.

How often are you asking? And how loud is she actually being? Is it the words he objects to or does he think she should be able to be as loud as she likes?

I ask maybe once per week at most, which doesn’t seem excessive to me personally. I do my best to manage my own pain and light/sound sensitivity.

DH believes it’s cruel to ask her to quiet down when she’s excited or playing, and not letting her be a child.

if she was constantly being told to be quiet then it wouldn’t be fair. But expecting a child to avoid screaming and shouting or squealing in the house is fine. Once a week is nothing!

My son was unable to vary his volume as a child and that was later considered a sign of his autism when we finally got him diagnosed. You can certainly ask her to speak more quietly, but she may not manage for a while.

Yes you have my sympathy. I'm am also light/sound/motion sensitive and it's tough and people often don't understand. Unfortunately my ds whos also autistic is very sensory seeking so will spin/shout etc.