15 month old and lack of eye contact

[Mumtobe202310]

Hi All,

Hope you and your LOs are all doing well.

My LO will be 15 months tomorrow.

Speech wise, he says 'Amma and Abba' which mean mum and dad in my language, but he can't say any other words as of yet.

I hadn't been worried all this time about speech, and still am not worried much about it but it's the lack of eye contact that is making me worry.

When I try interact with him while. playing, for example, he will look at the toys etc, but won't look at me, I try hard to get him to look at me such as by using the toys up to my fave etc. Sometimes if I call him by name it takes a while for him to turn around and look to me.

Recently, I've noticed that sometimes he will become quiet and look past something and if I wave my hands in front of him, he won't blink straight away, it would take 2 goes.

I will be asking the GP about this as I think it may be absence seizures.

He does turn around to me for example if I say blueberries which he loves or if I say puffin rock which he loves watching. He will sometimes hum along to miss rachel songs aswell. But yet, I can't help but find myself worrying about lack of eye contact.

Please can anyone share any experiences or advice with me as to does this sound like appropriate toddler behaviour as he is still little. I guess hearing from family members etc what other people can do whom are younger than him etc makes me worry more than I should. We all love our kids and just want the best for them, I wish people would stop with comparisons as it really can get to mums, especially first time mums who are going through postpartum all fresh and stuff.

Does he have a good sense of humour like does he giggle at any silliness? Also how is he doing physically like is he pulling himself up and starting to want to walk? He sounds bright from what you've said but do check in with your gut feelings about things, otherwise try not to feel to bad about milestones they definitely develop at different rates even as children at school. He should get a development check at some stage I think 2.5 or so. Bilingual children also are often slower to speak as they're processing so much more. I think lack of eye contact is not uncommon but it depends if he seems bright in other areas gross motor and humour etc

Thank your for your kind message. He has learnt to walk and loves to walk around etc. He is also teething a lot now too so everything he tries biting so much, he doesn't even want his matchstick monkey much anymore just other things. He does giggle at things he find funny too.

I think the reason I feel like this is because it's just majority time me and him alone at home and I try to limit screen time as much as I feel like I can. The other times I try reading to him but he refuses as he is now more into walking around etc and I don't mind that... it's just sometimes I want him to look at me and acknowledge I'm there kinda thing, I know I sound mad right now.

I have PND and I even had perinatal anxiety too so it's just so hard I guess at times to manage my feelings. I try so hard to not cry in front of him etc but I cannot help thinking sometimes that my lack of sadness maybe was felt by him and that's why he is more quiet etc. I had a difficult time with my ex husband in terms of emotional and physical abuse so the whole trying to keep myself together had really taken a toll. I feel like I wasn't able to be my real fun self with the one I spent 9 months loving inside of me and growing. I feel like the best versions of me was felt by others such as my cousins etc when I was younger and I used to babysit them etc but my own child who I wanted to give my absolute best to, I couldn't. That really upsets me. But yes, I will try not to worry so much about the milestones. Thank you so much again!

Hmm the lack of eye contact and not responding to his name are a little concerning. When you talk to him will he smile and make eye contact? It's definitely worth raising with your health visitor. They usually have a 2 year review where things can get picked up but if he's only 15 months that's quite a while away.

I get that you're anxious, OP, but you've posted this at least 3 times now, and I'm just not sure what else you're hoping for?

I couldn’t read and run. I’ve read both your comments, and you are putting yourself through the mill :( it sounds like you’re doing a fabulous job being his mum, and he doing lots of great things. I wouldn’t be overly worried about the eye contact as he’s doing lots of other good things. It’s true that comparison is the thief of joy, and milestones are something which parents use to beat themself up about all the time. I’m an infant teacher and children reach milestones at different rates, there is honestly no rhyme or reason to it. I have also in 14 years teaching never taught a child who had met every single milestone out there perfectly. They are only really useful if trends can be spotted within them on a child by child basis, but generically, and in an isolated snapshot they aren’t particularly useful so are best not adhered to as if they are the exact developmental pattern every child will follow! My child has a serious medical condition, and has never met a single milestone when they ‘should have’ according to age and stage. They were under the care of a paediatrician for their condition, and the doctor never once expressed concern at their delayed milestones - they are older now and have caught up with their peers in most aspects and lead a happy normal life, but I TORTURED myself with milestones when they were little, I got in my own way of enjoying my child. Please don’t chew yourself up over this, it sounds like everything is ok. Your child is loved by you, and that will always be the case no matter what - that’s the best possible me thing for him!

So sorry you've been through an abusive relationship and hope your safe and on a healing journey now. It's tough spending time with any one person 24/7 let alone a baby or toddler so it's entirely understandable you're not going to be jolly all the time and with PND. It sounds to me like he's a perfectly healthy happy boy. As spring comes around a while new world will open up to you both now he's walking.

Neither of my boys weren't great with eye contact and most likely are neurodiverse...I felt saddened by a lack of connection as my first would never play with toys in any kind of imaginative way (just saw them as a mere object and couldn't see past it to play imaginatively with it). I had to let go of the idea I could connect with him through role-play, he'd rather take something apart and reassemble it on his own. I'd take him to baby groups and all the others singing and dancing while he'd spend most of the time trying to figure out how the safety gate worked so he could escape. As they've got older I've been able to connect with them in a more grown up way with their topics at school and video games etc they like doing.

I think sometimes we expect a natural unspoken connection with our child like they're an extension of ourselves and must think and feel like we do but they're their own person and it's surprising how different we all see and interact with the world. My boys ignore things I'd notice and appreciate and enjoy and understand things I don't have any interest or capacity for but sometimes there's an overlap to connect over.

Be careful not to expect him to fulfil you emotionally and try to trust the process... be patient and prepared to see what he can teach you in time. Try not to feel sad if you feel a lack of connection. I know I did and i still do sometimes...just embrace those moments or in-jokes when they surface. This stuff is not easy and I feel for you doing this alone but you're not alone, you're doing a fine job :)

He will smile sometimes but won't hold the eye contact. Thank you so much for your response

😭😭😭 I guess I just wanted more people's advice, lol this anxiety ridden nature is horribleeee

Thank you for such a kind response🥹🥹 Your child sounds so lovely and is so lucky to have you as their mum and you are so lucky to have them too. I love how you highlighted the importance of enjoying your child and not torturing yourself about the milestones. It's so sweet of people like you when you don't want people to go through same hardships so advice them what to avoid, it shows the care and how you want the best for others. Thank you again so much

Hi op. Any updates? How’s your LO now

How is your LO now please?

Hi please update