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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not look after my niece and nephew as it means dealing with a horrible SiL?

32 replies

howfartospar · 27/12/2024 15:08

My SiL can be very opinionated, bossy and falls out with lots of people.
She has been horrible to me previously and now I keep her at arms length for the sake of family peace.
My brother is quite hen pecked and I'm unable to just deal with him.
She's recently asked me to start babysitting my niece and nephew overnight. My issue is this would mean dealing with the SiL again and I want to say no. AIBU to do this and if not, how do I say no without it causing more arguments.

OP posts:
StuffedFullOfFromage · 27/12/2024 15:10

Do you actively want to have the kids?

Original poster
howfartospar · 27/12/2024 15:12

I'd love to look after the children, but not at the expense of dealing with my SiL I'm afraid.

OP posts:
Harkinonnowhear · 27/12/2024 15:16

howfartospar · 27/12/2024 15:12

I'd love to look after the children, but not at the expense of dealing with my SiL I'm afraid.

It is a question of which you want more. If you don’t want to interact with your SIL more and she will be the one you have to interact with to make this happen then say “sorry that wot work for me.” Give her nothing more to work with, no explanation or argument. She won’t like it, but who cares, she doesn’t rule the world. You wot have a great relationship with your niece and nephew though, that will likely be the cost.

GabriellaMontez · 27/12/2024 15:17

Regularly or a one off?

Newname71 · 27/12/2024 15:18

Life’s too bloody short to put up with people who bring nothing good to the party! Tell her no and leave it at that!

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 27/12/2024 15:19

Regularly ? Or just once?
I wouldn’t do it regularly.. she’ll probably be a PITA about how you meet her standards.

Hankunamatata · 27/12/2024 15:19

To stay at your house? I'd offer to pick up and drop off home to minimise interaction

HelplessSoul · 27/12/2024 15:19

Your SIL counts like bad news.

Two words will suffice for her.

"Fuck off".

Problem solved. That will really give her something to fucking moan about!

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 27/12/2024 15:21

If you don't want to have the children, just say NO

If you do want to have them, speak to your brother and give him clear boundaries & follow up with an email.
I would include

  • that you will only deal with your brother regarding babysitting
  • that if they want you to babysit on a specific date you need min 2 weeks prior notice
  • max 6 time per year (or whatever you are happy with)
  • that any judgement on activities, meals provided etc while in your care will end the arrangement

It sounds like your SIL is likely to become a CF so set down clear boundaries & stick to them. If she starts arguing the just pull back & say you don't think it will work given her rudeness & demands.

Don't sugar coat the truth, if she's difficult then make it clear she's the problem. It sounds like she has no problems in throwing her weight around.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 27/12/2024 15:21

I don't think you have the luxury of saying no and not having to deal with arguments.

Either you say no and end up with arguments

or you babysit and you have to deal with her and probably end up with arguments anyway.

Original poster
howfartospar · 27/12/2024 15:35

It would be a regular occurrence and their original babysitter cannot continue their arrangement due to ill health

OP posts:
Ellie1015 · 27/12/2024 15:42

If they need your help and you are happy to do it then it might be worth mentioning that you will babysit but all communication through brother. I dont think there is anyway to say that nicely, but if the need your help they may be willing to go along with it.

godmum56 · 27/12/2024 15:46

howfartospar · 27/12/2024 15:12

I'd love to look after the children, but not at the expense of dealing with my SiL I'm afraid.

Then don't do it. Say no onceand then refuse yo engage.

Santaisfillingthesacks · 27/12/2024 15:49

Tell sil you are happy to discuss your rates....

BettyBardMacDonald · 27/12/2024 15:56

I would not do it free of charge. What were they paying the other sitter?

I'd ask for that plus 20 percent, payable monthly in advance. Otherwise she will stiff you.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/12/2024 16:22

It's not normal to expect aunties to babysit (unless you want to) you can just say I don't feel confident doing that sorry

MumChp · 27/12/2024 16:25

howfartospar · 27/12/2024 15:35

It would be a regular occurrence and their original babysitter cannot continue their arrangement due to ill health

Be careful.

I would say no to regular nights but offer to cover if babysitter had a day of. I wouldn't save them lot of nanny £ if you are not on good terms with SIL. It will be a mess.

Dontbeme · 27/12/2024 16:28

howfartospar · 27/12/2024 15:35

It would be a regular occurrence and their original babysitter cannot continue their arrangement due to ill health

Okay so SIL said or did something that pissed the babysitter off so they up and quit. Say no, you know she will cause trouble so just don't deal with her at all. When the kids are older they may have an independent relationship with you.

BMW6 · 27/12/2024 16:31

When she's horrible to you do you tell her ? If you do why don't you ask why you should do anything for her when she's such a bitch to you?

If you say nothing then perhaps this is a golden opportunity to tell her that she's been a bitch to you so why would you do anything for her?

This goes for your brother too - he doesn't stand up to her so why would you help him out?

Moonlightstars · 27/12/2024 16:31

No chance. They would expect it of you. It will end in tears when you don't want to do it.
How regular is regular?

GabriellaMontez · 27/12/2024 17:09

howfartospar · 27/12/2024 15:12

I'd love to look after the children, but not at the expense of dealing with my SiL I'm afraid.

Then decide how you want it to work. In a way that is most convenient to you.

For eg think about what timings you'd prefer, where, who would be doing the drop offs etc.

Be prepared to say "no that won't work, i have plans" or similar if she starts to take the piss.

If you don't want to do it... don't. There is no obligation.

FrivolousKitchenRollUse · 27/12/2024 17:10

howfartospar · 27/12/2024 15:35

It would be a regular occurrence and their original babysitter cannot continue their arrangement due to ill health

Based on this update I'd say no. There's no way you could avoid interacting with her on this basis. Plus as others have said, sounds a recipe for disaster if something doesn't go quite as she wants.

Spirallingdownwards · 27/12/2024 17:14

Do you mean babysitting for evenings out or do you mean actual childcare whilst they are working? If the latter say no but offer to help if they have one off issues with their new childcare and if convenient at the time.

JimHalpertsWife · 27/12/2024 17:16

How frequently? Is it for them both to work?

MounjaroOnMyMind · 27/12/2024 17:16

What will she and your brother be doing when you're babysitting their children?