I have a flakey friend (FF) and we are both 40 and single Mums, we have known each other since school. She has mental health issues and has had a slew of health issues. I have also been anxious and have thyroid hashimotos. I live alone but FF lives with very helpful parents. I am usually very sympathetic and I know FF has been through a lot including bouts of being unwell.
FF Grandma died last year and I sent my condolences and delivered a beautiful potted orchard to her door. I’ve also taken gifts and visited flakey in hospital.
We have mutual friends who I’m not on talking terms with from uni days. I acknowledge my part in it but it was many years ago.
FF went on tropical girls weekend in September - she was gifted the accomodation and just had to pay for flights. FF claims she has back pain on last day. Even so, she found the energy and money to leave her kids for a weekend and go to Asia last minute.
FF continually cancels at the last minute repeatedly and says it’s her depression, she’s just so exhausted and like this with everyone. Countless things have been cancelled or not committed to. We do talk a bit on messenger but she’ll reply 3/4 days later. I don’t mind as I know she has energy and time issues.
Most meetups are cancelled. We’ve caught up twice in over 1 year and she doesn’t work and lives 10 minutes away. She claimed she was closer to me than anyone.
In September my Sister died suddenly from
medical negligence/ given wrong medication for routine thing, and she said we should meet and chat. FF said she’d be available that afternoon and then said her parents hadn’t come home. I met her a week later for a dog walk and she left 10 minutes later saying her boyfriend was coming over to collect his things as they were breaking up (for 50th time) similar issue related to her time and energy. FF doesn’t work at the moment because of this health issue. I barely got to mention my sister before FF left. She then claimed she had pneumonia which I believe but it was well after my sister died.
FF said she was sorting through many things and wouldn’t be able to chat for a while. I said I completely understood and was very gracious though, gave her the benefit of the doubt and I didn’t contact,
By December FF got in contact with me again and said she’d seen a counsellor and realised that she had over committed with me as a friend - promising things and not delivering & this would have been hard on me. I said I completely understand and we chatted but I was restrained - kept it light and fluffy. I didn’t put in a huge amount of effort because my trust needed to be rebuilt a bit.
FF asked if my son and I would like to see Wicked with her DS & DD in next 2 days I have struggled with friendships due to anxiety issues and being a single parent and I don’t have a lot of family. We’ve also lived rural for 5 years & only just returned to city
I should have learned my lesson but swiftly agreed and told my DS8 we were going to Wicked with her kids (he loves them). I told him as I figured FF has seen counsellor & unpacked this so wouldn’t cancel & school holidays so she has to sit in a cinema regardless.
FF contacts me saying DD 13 was triggering her DS 11 during a sleep over so she took DD out to see Wicked. I said it was fine.
I told my DS and he let out a big sigh. He has a big move from old friends and is only child so gets excited about other kids.
I told FF I was letting go of the friendship and that deep down I feel like she doesn’t value or respect me.
Am especially emotional at the moment and I tend to be impulsive and emotional with rejection because of a traumatic history. It has cost me friendships. I’ve lost both my Dad and Sister, my Mum is extremely volatile so I feel quite isolated.
Have I done the wrong thing and why did I get the feeling in the end that this was a game for FF or an ego trip of seeing how far she could push the friendship. Like she wanted to sabotage it.