To think it's rude/odd to be making notes during a family group video call?

[Emmaheather]

Just got off a christmas group call with my family - parents, grandparent, siblings (all adults). My sister was relatively engaged but was there with a pen and constantly looking away to make notes.I have no idea what about and she missed a couple of things as she was looking away/not engaged at times. These things are always a bit awkward as a couple of the group have hearing problems which makes the flow of conversation challenging but this added another level of weirdness. Am I being unreasonable to think making notes is a bit odd and verging on rude?!

Each to their own, but I would hate a group chat family get together. I am an antisocial bugger though.

Making notes is very strange. Was she taking minutes to be signed off later? Bizarre.

Does she work from home?
Maybe today is a work day for her.

Hiw so you know she was taking notes? Perhaps she was wrinting her shopping list or something. Note taking would be weird for sure.

Maybe she was doing the crossword.

@Ladybyrd not really my idea of fun either but felt I had to join in

@Needmorelego no, not working today.

I was tempted to ask for a copy of the minutes but will keep my head down. I just have no clue what's so pressing you'd need to write it down during a a once a year family call.

I have no idea what she was writing m I didn't necessarily mean notes on the meeting. Yes, maybe a crossword. But even that seems a bit odd to me. I sort of think you should be paying attention to the people you are in a conversation with.

YABU

@ABunchOfBadBitches you don't think this is an odd thing for someone to do?
I'm not a brilliant multitasker and my hearing isn't great, so maybe that's why I find it odd

I can think of any,her of reasons someone's jotting.

They are making a list for themselves
They are listening to what people say the like/enjoy for future gift ideas
Making notes of what people say they are doing to remember to ask about them/ wish them luck
Doodling as need to doodle to focus

But I can't think of any reason someone else writing whilst on a call would bother me enough to be thinking about it once call ended.

I have to do something with my hands to be able to concentrate. I have ADHD but I don’t think it’s limited to having it. I struggle particularly hard with online group calls - social and work - so will doodle, write lists, knit etc. I will still miss things because I struggle so much with online meetings/ups overall, but the miss rate will be 30% rather than 70% 😆 I know some people will notice and think I’m rude but I’m really trying to be the opposite. Well mostly, sometimes I’m just rattly and can’t do it at all but I’ll catch myself on and tell them that

I presume she was doodling

My sister was writing down presents for thank you letters - that's a completely normal thing to do!

She was probably just doodling, which I think is totally fine on what I presume is an informal call with family. Tbh I think it’s a bit weird you even noticed.

I did just wonder that. I feel very awkward in any cam-based situations. Maybe it's the equivalent of dining out alone and playing on your phone/reading a book to make you more comfortable?

Well nobody on here was on this group call were they - so why not just ask the individual involved?

Really helpful reflections - thanks!

Because I was concerned she would feel criticised and was interested to hear other perspectives

If she was just writing her shopping list or something unconnected to the call, I think it's a bit rude (or at least she should move her camera so people can't see she is doing it ...)

But, if she's like my husband who has a dreadful memory he needs to write things down - so stuff like "sister's new dog is called Rex", "mum going for follow up hospital appointment on the 15th" or they will simply go out of his head and people think he is uncaring.

I would make the assumption that she was taking minutes and would ask her for a copy of them, in case there are some Action Points that you need to address!

No, thank YOU. It’s nice to be able to tell people and be met receptively. I am very aware that my needs are mine and not for everyone else to accommodate but I worry a lot about seeming rude. I remember when I was at school and a teacher mentioned women knitting at the Nuremberg trails as an example of their cruelty and disdain for the court but I was thinking “maybe they’re just trying to listen’. Not that the teacher was necessarily wrong - just an example of how I have a different response to these things.

She was probably just doodling.

Oh I definitely need to do that too! Probs a minor anxiety soothing thing, you’re right.

My wonky brain can’t deal with online conversations, the communication pipes just don’t work. I’ve put it down to needing the other sensory stimuli, a floating head on a screen doesn’t give me the body language and other clues I need to get the words to make sense. To recall later who said what when I need to piece together the room we were in, what jumper she was wearing, what chair I was on…all sorts of nonsense. I can look at my doodle pad or knitting or whatever for help with that too.

Oh no! I'm wondering if it was me😄. I was on a group chat with my in-laws earlier, and I was writing a shopping list because DH was heading out after the call to get last min bits for a dinner we are hosting tonight.

Was she doodling or making notes? How's her memory?

Video family call 😱 I would feign a blinding headache. Absolute hell!
Not the point I know. But yes, odd to take notes. I would have asked though.