To not tolerate bullshit from family, just because they're blood?

[tweedledee12]

I have three siblings - there is a clear split between us, and we are each very different - although used to be exceptionally close, now less so.

From social media and tv, it looks at though everybody gets on reasonably well - or at least muddle through as they're family and it's Christmas.

I just cannot stomach a sibling - their attitude towards my parents, towards me, towards anybody who dares disagree with them it awful! Their outlook is very bitter, jealous and mean - despite us all having the same upbringing.

I haven't had contact for almost 2 years - AIBU to think that this is more common than we perhaps realise? Maybe Christmas makes these things more obvious.

SNAP 😆

I don't talk to my sister- she took my husband on holiday with her family after he left me for another woman- no, I never understood that either.. we spoke through our dads dementia to support his care etc but now he's gone, there is no further contact. I don't miss her, she is completely unlike me and I would never have picked her for a friend. I think she coveted my ex tbh.

I think my view is I can be completely no contact personally but I am also an adult and have the capability to be able to be civil even polite and warm if I need to be in group situations. Things like funerals, big birthdays etc.

i think that makes it the easier way to live as then other family members don’t need to have bad feelings around them when we have to all be together.

i kind of think of it as a work colleague who I might occasionally have to interact with, so no bad talking behind their back, very vague non committal but not rude opinions if I’m directly asked about them etc but also no direct personal relationship outside of what is necessary. So “the workplace” can see that these two probably don’t like each other but this employee is always professional and polite so it’s not causing issues.

I think my view is I can be completely no contact personally but I am also an adult and have the capability to be able to be civil even polite and warm if I need to be in group situations. Things like funerals, big birthdays etc.

This is how I try to approach this too

No never. He’s got some social anxiety issues so doesn’t attend any family gatherings (not that we have them often). He still sees my parents (divorced) but only if they initiate contact with him. Even then he just sits there apparently, they talk and he answers mainly in yes or no, doesn’t converse. He doesn’t speak to my other siblings either.

I wouldn’t walk past in him the street as he lives almost an hour from me.

I have a challenging dynamic with my family but siblings have their own issues with each other too.
I'm low contact and do contact in a way I can manage that has less impact on my mental wellbeing. Having a partner who understands and is supportive is really important. I simply, now, won't do anything i don't want to just for the sake of it.

The eldest. Part of the issue in fact most of it is jealousy. There is a large age gap too. I suppose having to share a bedroom with a toddler when you are a teen is hard.

But then she puts on airs because her husband's family had a big house....didn't have a proper job from the age of 40 (no kids) husband was a drunk and died a few years ago, no inheritance from his family after all...so she is bitter that her younger sister in particular has done well (after a lot of hard work and sacrifice which she didn't do)

Jealousy completely!

The situation is similar with my sibling here - didn't have anything and was happy, met somebody with a champagne lifestyle and lemonade budget, and all of a sudden switched, and was so money obsessed, making out he earnt 'twice as much' as we did but when asked, didn't actually know how much we earnt. Still bragging but has nothing to brag about

I’m no contact with my sibling, my mum is low contact with them.

They are an alcoholic, who is manipulative, abusive and tries to play the victim.

im not having it, we both had the same upbringing, same opportunities and same guidance. They didn’t choose wisely while making life choices and I wasn’t taking their manipulation any more, been no contact for 5 years.

life is much easier now.

Echoes so much like that here - same opportunities, same upbringing, they made bad choices, made fun of my good choices, and are extremely angry at the world for the bed they made.

I'm sorry to hear it's your family too but it's also nice to know I am not alone

Honestly no contact was a last resort. I’d put up with abuse, lies, aggressiveness and also many years of ruined holidays as I would get a phone all from them or the police to say they had been arrested and had no where to go.

every family event revolved around them and everyone was on eggshells.

its horrible that others have this shit in their life but also comforting that my family isn’t abnormal 😂

My DB is also an alcoholic. Bit of a running theme here.