Just want to process something and I feel really sad at how my family is and to an extent how I react to them. I really wish I stayed quiet but I am the scapegoat of the family and get blamed for everything.
My eldest sibling (A) falls out with everyone on a weekly basis. They quickly get back in touch with her as my mum makes them. I’m seen to be the troublemaker as I feel if she’s sworn at me and my DH without any provocation then I feel she should apologise. Whereas my other siblings get guilted into being nice and not cause any drama and my mum says she only has a few years to live and let her live in peace etc. etc.
My eldest sibling’s SIL had a baby 2 years ago after 12+ years of failed fertility treatments. I saw on fb and messaged her as I was really happy for her. We’re not close but have seen each other off and on for many years at family events and always have a nice time when we see each other. She replied back saying thank you and she’s looking forward to seeing me in a few weeks (her inlaws and my sister (a) and bil were organising a party). I didn’t want to lie anymore as previously my mum made excuses on my behalf why I wasnt at family events including her baby shower etc. truth is my sister had fallen out again with me that time and didn’t invite me. I would have happily gone and been civil as I have a million times before but there was no invite just like the baby shower.
my mum and other sister (g) brought this up yesterday (after 2 years!) and said I shouldn’t have messaged the sil but I replied I was genuinely happy for her and what could I say when she said she’ll catch up in a few weeks with me at a party I wasn’t invited to? My sister (g) then said I should be careful of her which is crazy as I haven’t spoken to the sil for over 2 years now and literally only saw her at family events which won’t happen now as I’ve been dis invited from everything. I told my sister (g) she’s closer to her as she seems to like every picture and comment on every post the SIL ever posts! She didn’t like this and told me it’s not my business to which I replied I did nothing wrong and I’m done making excuses on the eldest siblings behalf why I’m not at functions whereas rest of the family are.
I felt really guilty this morning and have tried to make it up with my mum and sister (g) and we’re civil but I’m so annoyed they never call the eldest out on her behaviour. She removed me from family group 3 years ago and whole family post things without me and I’ve asked to be put in but she keeps refusing and everyone lets her get away with whatever she does but I can’t ever do what I want and call out their behaviour
I know this sounds really silly as I’m writing this I’m realising. Any insights or advice please?