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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fed up of the pressure

13 replies

TheThreeMiracles · 27/12/2024 11:24

A good few years ago I was quite mistreated by mil, almost caused me and dp to split I ended up in hospital unwell because of the bullying! Most of Dp family have deleted me off Facebook with all silly excuses but I think it's quite obvious mil has slagged me off to them, obviously I can't be sure but it's quite obvious that's what's happened. It's very much I didn't do what she wanted so she turned on me ( happened with ex sil too )
My aibu is I decided a few years ago I wouldn't go to family gatherings with them all I felt so uncomfortable to the point it was making me unwell and dp was okay with me not going, me and mil are on good terms but after so long of trying to be part of and fit in with the family I've given up I've no interest anymore, however I got a text over Xmas really guilt tripping me into going to a family gathering like 4 or 5 sayings in the text like it would make my Xmas etc thing is I don't want too I don't want to go somewhere I feel so uncomfortable me and dp are in such a good place I don't want anything to ruin that again, I've spent yesterday with a migraine because of it, how do I manage this in the future ?
For the past 6 years I've said thanks but we are busy etc but it doesn't seem enough! X

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TheThreeMiracles · 27/12/2024 11:26

Just to mention mil does see us weekly / fortnightly but getting together with the whole family is too much for me especially when one of them has told me I'm not family! X

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TheThreeMiracles · 27/12/2024 11:43

Hopeful bump

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watchuswreckthemic · 27/12/2024 11:48

You were bullied to the point you ended up in hospital but you see your MIL a lot? I'm already confused

TheThreeMiracles · 27/12/2024 11:49

I eventually stood up for myself and said I wasn't having it anymore and things improved and we are ok now ( I wouldn't put up with it again )

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Sirap2 · 27/12/2024 11:50

I cant believe your partner still has a relationship with someone who bullied you and put you in hospital.....unless there's more to this story.

TheThreeMiracles · 27/12/2024 11:51

When i say ended up in hospital I had really bad chest pains ( it wasn't anything physical )

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Raininginparadise2 · 27/12/2024 11:52

Do whatever you need to do to protect your own mental health. If that means not spending time with extended family who don't really like you then that's OK. Just say you're busy or working or ill or whatever. Best wishes for the New Year. X

Screamingabdabz · 27/12/2024 11:55

Don't let your boundaries slip op. Keep it polite but just keep repeating ‘no sorry, that’s very kind of you to say but I’d rather not.’ These people bullied you and now it’s convenient to them, they want you to be a good girl and come to heel? No. Fuck that.

StormingNorman · 27/12/2024 11:56

TheThreeMiracles · 27/12/2024 11:51

When i say ended up in hospital I had really bad chest pains ( it wasn't anything physical )

You were having panic attacks?

TheThreeMiracles · 27/12/2024 11:59

@StormingNorman yes every visit but the chest pains was something I'd not had before

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StormingNorman · 27/12/2024 12:06

If the panic attacks have stopped when you see your MIL, and what was causing them has been resolved, then I would be inclined to start reintegrating into the family slowly.

Maybe meet one of his siblings for a (very) quick coffee? Keep the conversation light and neutral.

I’m also prone to migraines and anxiety so my advice in based on resolving your feelings for your benefit. Otherwise any family situations which come up in future will always make you feel unwell.

TheThreeMiracles · 27/12/2024 12:18

@StormingNorman his family aren't interested in getting together I don't think, it's more mil wants the family together I accepted along time ago i didn't fit in to the family and haven't wanted to go to gatherings since im almost at peace with it now for a very long time I tried to be part of them ( looking back I think it was quite embarrassing trying to be liked by them ) I think it's more the guilt tripping I need to take no notice of which is easier said than done for me xx

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TheThreeMiracles · 27/12/2024 13:12

Also sorry not drip feeding I'm just so stressed by it all I haven't seen any of them for years so it's not like I really know them ! When I have spoke to them it's via message inviting to family event then I'm met with a short blunt reply like " no worries" when I say we can't they have no interest in my kids, it's more mil wants everyone together but to me I'd be sat with a bunch of people I don't know ! Not my idea of Boxing Day! X

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