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Original poster

Boyfriend watching porn at 10:30 in the morning

29 replies

Flufffycats · 27/12/2024 10:58

I woke up this morning at 8:30, have fed the cats and done some cleaning. DP was still in bed asleep. At 10 oclock I went into the bedroom and he said he was going to get up soon and start doing some house jobs (the task for today is painting the spare room which we will do together). I went into another room to write a shopping list and I put my air pods in and they connected to DPs phone, and I heard a man moaning. I walked into the bedroom and said what on earth are you watching and he showed me the screen which was something else. And I said no… just then, what were you watching? He said oh I was feeling a bit turned on so it was a porn video. I said why???! At this time in the morning, with the door wide open, the cats are running around chasing each other, I’m in the other room tidying up and making shopping lists… why would you lie there doing that? He said he turned it off straight away because he knew it was weird. But it’s given me the ick, I feel a bit sick and disgusted. Am I overreacting? I know a lot of people don’t have a problem with porn, and some people do. I guess I don’t mind if I don’t know about it. If it’s late at night and I’m away or something. But at 10:30am while I’m walking around the house and he’s just RIGHT there as if it’s normal?

I don’t even want to speak to him right now I feel icky like he’s a disgusting person. Is this an overreaction?

OP posts:
Nogaxeh · 27/12/2024 11:01

It's your reaction.

You are allowed to have your emotions and your reaction to this and it's not for anyone to tell you that they're wrong. You have to listen to your emotions and heart what they're telling you, and your partner then needs to say the same when you talk to him about them.

SmileEachDay · 27/12/2024 11:05

Ask him if he checked whether the woman involved in the video had been exploited, abused, coerced or otherwise harmed before he got his rocks off.
Ask him if he thinks consent can be bought.

That’s where I would start.

Iaminthefly · 27/12/2024 11:08

Posts like this remind me why I choose to stay single.

Men are just so fucking grim. I'd feel exactly the same as you op.

Whatisgoingonheredear · 27/12/2024 11:08

From my own perspective, yes, I think you are overreacting. The cats running around are irrelevant, they're cats, not human children who will hear it. It's the 27th December and I think slow mornings not rushing around cleaning or writing lists are acceptable.
However, if you have an issue with porn and porn use in your relationship then that's a conversation to have with your boyfriend.

username299 · 27/12/2024 11:08

Was he planning on having a wank with the door wide open (Not seeing the relevance of the cats)?

It's your relationship. Some won't tolerate porn and others accept it. If it's a dealbreaker for you then end the relationship.

Original poster
Flufffycats · 27/12/2024 11:12

username299 · 27/12/2024 11:08

Was he planning on having a wank with the door wide open (Not seeing the relevance of the cats)?

It's your relationship. Some won't tolerate porn and others accept it. If it's a dealbreaker for you then end the relationship.

I just mentioned the cats because I couldn’t ever imagine being in a state of horniness and relaxation when there is so much commotion going on around me. Cats running around and hissing at each other, me shouting at them to pack it in, they’re running in and out of the bedroom where he was because the door was open, the sound of me walking around tidying up etc. I just find it strange that in that moment you’d think… I know what I’ll do… I’ll watch porn

OP posts:
neverknowinglyunreasonable · 27/12/2024 11:14

This pervert sounds like he gets turned on by cats. I'd run a mile.

Original poster
Flufffycats · 27/12/2024 11:15

Whatisgoingonheredear · 27/12/2024 11:08

From my own perspective, yes, I think you are overreacting. The cats running around are irrelevant, they're cats, not human children who will hear it. It's the 27th December and I think slow mornings not rushing around cleaning or writing lists are acceptable.
However, if you have an issue with porn and porn use in your relationship then that's a conversation to have with your boyfriend.

He doesn’t need to rush around though. He was still in bed which is fine, I never told him to get up. We are back in work on Monday and he said he wanted to spend today on the spare room but we don’t have any food in the house so I’m going to go food shopping before we start so that we have things in for lunch etc. this post isn’t about whether it’s acceptable to get up at 10am to go food shopping, I’m just looking for some outside perspective on whether I am overreacting and whether other people would find this unusual/disgusting. I guess I’m just looking to validate my feelings lol

OP posts:
Whatisgoingonheredear · 27/12/2024 11:16

I just find it strange that in that moment you’d think… I know what I’ll do… I’ll watch porn

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.
Doesn't make either of you right or wrong.

therealpatmustard · 27/12/2024 11:18

If it were 10pm, the cats were settled, house clean, and you'd popped your headphones in to listen to an audio book and discovered he was watching porn, how would you feel?

Is it the porn watching that's the issue, or that his priorities not aligning that morning?

Motherof1and2dogs · 27/12/2024 11:20

This is all down to you as a person. Personally I don't allow my husband to watch porn, I see it as a form of cheating and feel there is no need for porn, but not everyone will think this which is ok. I do feel porn brainwashes a lot of people into thinking certain things are ok or the norm when they are not, but we are all entitled to our own opinions, if it has upset you or you find it gross or weird, then speak your mind, never hold anything in! Relationships and marriages thrive from honesty and communication :)

Penguinface · 27/12/2024 11:23

Was your boyfriend trying to tempt you into bed? If you've got no kids, you may as well enjoy yourselves now!

INeedAnotherName · 27/12/2024 11:24

SmileEachDay · 27/12/2024 11:05

Ask him if he checked whether the woman involved in the video had been exploited, abused, coerced or otherwise harmed before he got his rocks off.
Ask him if he thinks consent can be bought.

That’s where I would start.

This was my immediate reaction to your post too OP but if you are fine with him getting excited over exploited women too then it's not relevant.

However I also see what you are saying about a busy and noisy household, with zero expectation of privacy, and he's there wanking away. That is just gross and definitely ick inducing *vomit

albapunk · 27/12/2024 11:25

So he was horny, and rather than disturb you he chose to watch a porn video. The cats are irrelevant. Most of us have probably had spontaneous sex amongst chaos. It happens.

It's a little grim that yes, you heard his porn and he could have been more discreet but if you generally don't have an issue with porn use, and otherwise have a healthy relationship I wouldn't be bothered. Not all porn involves exploited women or unhealthy expectations.

Original poster
Flufffycats · 27/12/2024 11:26

therealpatmustard · 27/12/2024 11:18

If it were 10pm, the cats were settled, house clean, and you'd popped your headphones in to listen to an audio book and discovered he was watching porn, how would you feel?

Is it the porn watching that's the issue, or that his priorities not aligning that morning?

Edited

Good point. Yes I think I’d feel different then… there’s something about a place and time. I feel like it’s somehow disrespectful to just lie in bed in the morning watching porn while im walking around and the door is wide open and I could walk in. I feel like it’s a private thing but he’s just watching it as if he’s watching a normal TV show. Seems odd.. like is he really that unable to control himself to just not watch it whenever he feels the urge? I’m happy to be in the wrong though, and I hope I am. I would prefer people to tell me I am being unreasonable so that I know it’s ok and is normal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flufffycats · 27/12/2024 11:27

albapunk · 27/12/2024 11:25

So he was horny, and rather than disturb you he chose to watch a porn video. The cats are irrelevant. Most of us have probably had spontaneous sex amongst chaos. It happens.

It's a little grim that yes, you heard his porn and he could have been more discreet but if you generally don't have an issue with porn use, and otherwise have a healthy relationship I wouldn't be bothered. Not all porn involves exploited women or unhealthy expectations.

Thank you for this perspective

OP posts:
Dramatic · 27/12/2024 11:27

It's not something that would bother me but if it bothers you he should be understanding about that

Original poster
Flufffycats · 27/12/2024 11:29

Penguinface · 27/12/2024 11:23

Was your boyfriend trying to tempt you into bed? If you've got no kids, you may as well enjoy yourselves now!

No because he was very embarrassed that I’d caught him (which is why I’m confused about why he was doing it so openly then?! It’s as if he can’t control himself or something). I’d have rather him just ask me if I was feeling up to anything, but his go to was to watch a porn video out in the open. He wasn’t even using ear phones, which is why mine connected to his phone

OP posts:
therealpatmustard · 27/12/2024 11:44

Flufffycats · 27/12/2024 11:26

Good point. Yes I think I’d feel different then… there’s something about a place and time. I feel like it’s somehow disrespectful to just lie in bed in the morning watching porn while im walking around and the door is wide open and I could walk in. I feel like it’s a private thing but he’s just watching it as if he’s watching a normal TV show. Seems odd.. like is he really that unable to control himself to just not watch it whenever he feels the urge? I’m happy to be in the wrong though, and I hope I am. I would prefer people to tell me I am being unreasonable so that I know it’s ok and is normal.

Show quote history

I don't think anyone is right or wrong.

I would feel the same if it were DH, perhaps personally my bigger gripe would be why he didn't turn that sexual urge towards me. It would also be frustrating that he was that easily distracted.

If you don't mind the porn aspect, then perhaps discussing how he can channel that differently would be a better idea.

As a suspicious person, I would be wondering how often he watched porn though. DH to my knowledge has never really been into it so if I caught him, I'd feel like it was too coincidental to be one "one off", I'd want to investigate further for my own info.

Ablondiebutagoody · 27/12/2024 11:50

I find it a bit strange that you are ok with porn in general but he's not allowed to feel horny at 10:30am.

Agix · 27/12/2024 11:53

God, mumsnet is so full of pick-mes.

Of course it's weird and gross OP.

DonnaBanana · 27/12/2024 11:58

SmileEachDay · 27/12/2024 11:05

Ask him if he checked whether the woman involved in the video had been exploited, abused, coerced or otherwise harmed before he got his rocks off.
Ask him if he thinks consent can be bought.

That’s where I would start.

I hope you make similar checks for the people in the funny memes you probably laugh at sometimes.

SmileEachDay · 27/12/2024 11:58

I’m constantly aghast that so many women are “fine” with porn, given the very well publicised links with exploitation, abuse and severe emotional and physical damage - largely of women (and girls, which is a further issue)

I wonder how many would be “fine” with their daughters being involved - either with or without her consent.

It takes about 3 seconds of critical thinking to see the issues.

DonnaBanana · 27/12/2024 12:00

You also need to consider whether you’d rather he didn’t do this and you have a horny DH lurking around all day or if he just got it out of the way and was a bit calmer for the day. Pros and cons both ways

Busywithsomething · 27/12/2024 12:07

If you accept him watching porn generally then I'm not sure what the significant grumble is here. But if you aren't happy with him doing it ( as I wouldn't be ), then you could have a serious talk about it. You will probably not be able to stop him ( I think the majority of men under say 40 probably can't stop themselves), but he would be forced to be a bit more discreet if you make your feelings clear on the subject. It's virtually everywhere on the internet now and the genie can't be put back in the bottle unfortunately.

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