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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What is ex doing with his life?

4 replies

digimumworld · 27/12/2024 09:46

Me and my ex have a daughter together. She’s 10. Me and my ex broke up before covid. We’ve known eachother since school. Dated at the end of school, during uni. Had a surprise baby early in our relationship. Tried to make it work but he was financially and mentally abusive and no matter how much I tried to help him with his career he seemed very interested in dodgy ways to make a living - so we split up.

I’ve finally applied for CMS (don’t ask why it took so long!). We do not talk as every conversation leads to an argument - usually around money (he used to borrow from me and never pay it back. Gaslight me. Complain that he can’t afford to take our daughter etc).

We are in our early 30s. The CMS is £30 a month!

I’ve spoken to other girl friends who have been the ones encouraging me to do it and have shared how much they get - which is way more! I feel this is a poor reflection on my ex that this is all he can contribute towards his daughters life. He doesn’t see her anymore (since we split - but they text! (Rolling eyes))

I know I shouldn’t care but AIBU for wondering why this man just can’t seem to get his life together no matter what! And to feel a little sad that this is who my daughter has as a dad!

I want to add I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter. I think she is happier now that we’ve split as she would witness so many arguments. We have regular check ins about her dad and she doesn’t seem phased about him (aware she may need therapy in the future).

OP posts:
HotBath · 27/12/2024 09:49

I assume the reasons are the same as during your relationship, though?

Eyerollexpert · 27/12/2024 09:51

Been there done that! £30 a month I bet you have spent sleepless nights deciding how to spend this windfall 😂I have no answer 🙃

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/12/2024 09:52

Be glad he’s not your problem. What do you think he’s doing for work/money? I would think that HMRC have him on £13k pa.

digimumworld · 27/12/2024 09:55

My guess is that he is on UC or some kind of benefits. Maybe he is making unaccounted for money elsewhere - who knows.

@Eyerollexpert haha it’s the cost of vegetables these days! I’ve decided it will just be my daughters pocket money lol

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