Family dysfunction - doesn't feel fair

[Bobthecatt]

My parents divorced when I was 10. My brother was 12.

My mother moved out, taking me with her, and my father kept my brother.

I never saw my father again, he didn't ever visit or want me to visit, never sent so much as a birthday card.

My mother made effort to see my brother.

Now I'm 40 and my brother is 42. We don't really talk; we're like strangers. He has a relationship with our dad, and a relationship with our mum.

I see mum occasionally, she was abusive so we have low contact.

She has much more to do with my brother - she wasn't abusive to him. I know my brother has benefitted financially from them both and has support from them - I have nothing.

It just feels shit today. Most days I just get on with life, but today it really hurts.

I’m sorry OP, people can be shit can’t they.

It may or may not help you to know you’re not alone. I’m the same age as you and spent a fair bit of the Christmas season feeling sorry for myself because my father decided years ago that I was far too inconvenient to him, while playing perfect father to my half siblings. I don’t have any relationship with those half siblings either. Lots of us out there with similar stories.

Thank you for your reply - I'm sorry you've been treated shitly too. It does help to not feel alone, although I'd rather no one else felt like this.

We deserve better.

I do hope you had a lovely Christmas 🎄

Do your parents favour boys in particular?

Either way you have to let it go. They won't change. My mother still treats my useless abusive brother better. I can't judge, I suppose she feels she's fucked up with him, but I'm ok/independent

I don't think it's a boy preference for my mother, but perhaps for my father.

I know, I need to let it go.