Children and gift giving

[Whatisgoingonheredear]

For context - big family, lots of children. We only buy for the kids.

Every year I ask what sort of things the children might like for Christmas, or what they're in to right now, so I can get them a gift they'll really enjoy (within reason as my budget isn't huge). This is also so my money is not wasted on something they won't use.

The same is not always reciprocated for our own. I know you shouldn't give to receive. But I put effort in to our gifts. My one year old was given something that says not suitable for ages 5 and under (by somebody with children so they do know), and my DD was given the same gift that she was given for her last birthday AND last Christmas. She was of course grateful and said thank you but I was disappointed for her all the same.

I half want to suggest that we just don't buy for each other's children and instead spend the extra on our own, or save the money. Not sure if I am being petty.

Rather than wait for suggestions, why don’t you suggest a theme for next year? So for the children in the family, they all receive…new gloves, or socks, or puzzle books etc

Put sizes and ages on your text to make it as simple as possible.

Or, just give up on the giving gifts for each other and suggest a meet up day instead.

You can do it without being confrontational.

Non confronting, Ask the repeat offender if they have the receipt as 'I'm sure youve not realised, but you bought this for her last year too'. Or give the children money and pop them in the present cupboard...

I have a relative who, when asked what their DC wanted for birthdays and Christmas would always say money, but never does the same for mine. We get gifts that sometimes are okay but often not or gift cards for shops we never go to (and aren't enough to buy anything decent without a top up). My DC would 100% prefer cash. It's frustrating, because it would effectively be criticizing their gift-buying if we said they'd prefer cash too (plus it's a relative of DH and he would never say anything).

Nope hate asking “any ideas of what to get your precious” as the answer always seems to be something obscure that is not found in a regular shop that the parent can’t be arsed to get themselves but their precious has asked for it so can’t let them done!! I’ll do my own thing and usually find that the kid is very happy……it’s the parent who suggested that certain gift that is narked!

What about setting up an Amazon wish list for your kids. It's easy for people to buy from then. I would also say next year not.... for .... As she's had it before! Some people just don't care about others though and are more interested in passing on gifts their kids didn't like.

We do birthdays only. There’s enough “stuff” floating around at Christmas to entertain any child.

the only exception to this is my sister who is single and wouldn’t otherwise get a gift. She is the family organiser and so we club together for her for vouchers

In my husband's family, because of years of not receiving anything from one particular family, each family buys one decent gift for their own dc and labels it 'From your aunties and uncles'. Works very well.

This happened to us a few times and I preempted it by sending a message along the lines of

Hi fam, x has just asked for connect 4, hungry hippos and slime but ive already spent more than I wanted to. Is there any chance you could pick her one of them up from you guys for xmas/bday?
.cheeky? Maybe, but you might get a but more success for you children.

Hi OP

Absolutely years since we have done gifts for other family members
We would buy our 2 boys now aged 18 and 21 one item (a lego or playmobil they wanted)
They received money from other relatives which was saved and is now in an ISA as they are adults

Martin Lewis does a great bit about giving presents

I think if you don’t know the child well enough to have some idea of what they would like, then better to just give some money or a gift card - or even nothing at all.

I agree that it is a lot of work for parents having to come up with lists of presents ideas for everyone.

My friends and family tended to come up with an idea, then text saying “would Dc like this/ what size is Dc, thinking of getting them x clothing item” or whatever, which I personally preferred.
I much prefer something someone else has thought of, it seems much more personal.

When mine were younger we would let everyone know that DC’s were collecting/playing with ( something where it didn't matter if there was too much or if there were duplicates) …HappyLand sets ( first birthday inwards) Lego, Duplo, Playmobil, Brio, K-Nex etc.

It also meant family could choose to spend any amount. A fiver set of lego to add to other pieces was great.

This is why I love an Amazon (or other place) wish list. We use it with our kids. We add items to it (for a variety of budgets) and then our family purchase off that or elsewhere and marks purchased elsewhere.
It also means I don't have to think about it at one point in the year - I add to the list throughout the year as the kids interests change etc and its ready for birthdays and Christmas etc.

The age thing wouldn't bother me to be honest though - I regularly by up in age (although 5 for a 1 year old is a bit much). My nearly 3 year old had a one 6+ gift - but it was something she wanted so not bothered

My family are very specific about the children's gifts as they are so particular about what they like! It does mean a lack of surprise for all but whilst I hope mine would express thanks, something they didn't like would just sit in the cupboard so we will give links to certain items if necessary.

A family game for a gift is a great idea. Loads of good board and card games out there.

Be upfront and send a message before any birthdays or Christmas' asking what the budget is buying for each others kids to make sure it is fair, or just send out their birthday/Christmas list 6/8 weeks before said event and say please let me know what you get so I can update the list accordingly, alternatively if you want to go off list please let me know just so we can make sure we don't have multiples of gifts.
That way you are all spending the same, and hopefully everyone is getting something they'd want. Inevitably you'll get some people saying they've already bought or whatever, but if that again is a multiple or not suitable, then ask for a receipt stating why.

I far prefer being asked for ideas. There are absolutely loads of things at a range of price points that my DC would appreciate. Instead DHs parents refuse to talk about it and every single year buy something a bit generic that my DC already have. They also sort of don't really believe in paying attention to DCs interests/hobbies etc & buying accordingly, and buy what they want to give, rather than trying to think of something that the DC would love. My DC are polite about it but its such a waste. I end up regifting loads of it.

Sorry for going quiet on this thread.
I think next year I will just straight up send what sort of things DC would like or just ask for money so they can choose something themselves. Purely because 3 things will be going to charity shops this morning, and I don't even think they're something I'd regift to anyone. It's such a waste.
It is a bit disappointing as I put effort in to the gifts I buy for the DC of the person who buys these bits (the duplicates and not age appropriate bits), I asked if they're still in to XYZ/would they like a gift based around those things or prefer some money, and then let them know what they'd bought in case there were any duplications elsewhere.

Historically this person has always told me what their children would like for birthdays/Christmas and sent requests that are not within our budget e.g. £25 - £50 per child (I tend to spend around £30 per family, so when a couple have one child they might get a more expensive gift but when they have a second they will both receive a £15 gift, to be fair to them), until I explained that as they now had more children, I would prefer to spend £10 - £15 per child.

If people don't want to have to think that hard then money is always gratefully received by DC. MIL also doesn't like shopping for GC as it can be a minefield so I just send her a few Amazon links and she picks. So it's not like it is made to be difficult.

OP you sound like a really thoughtful person. But it’s like every other situation. What you would like to receive is a reflection of your own values and behaviour. The reality is that what you will get back is theirs.