What made you want to do that then?

[WhyDoWannaDoTha]

Cut all my hair off. Fucking love it! I feel so free, funky and it really suits me. I've had varying reactions to it, and that's fine. I know it's a shock but my hair was only chin length anyway so not that bigger deal.

Reaction 1: Oh my god! You look so different!
Reaction 2: I love it! It really suits you!
Reaction 3: what made you want to do that then?

Reaction 1&2 - Absolutely fine. Not everyone will love it.

Reaction 3 - Bloody annoying. If reaction 3 is accompanied by reaction 1 or 2 then fine. But it feels abrupt and rude by itself.

Am I the only one?

And before the vipers stir - no I'm not crying into my pillow about it and yes, I just chuckle and say "I fancied a change".

I'm curious because I remember reading a thread about people who say "you look so well" and half the thread took it to be a compliment and half the thread thought it meant you look fat.

What are you curious about? What’s your AIBU?

YANBU, I had a couple of years where I ranged from a Grade 5 to a Grade 1 & loved it.

What are you curious about? What’s your AIBU?

Hmm, thought it was fairly obvious.
I'm curious about whether or not I'm unreasonable with assuming that the phrase is rude.

No, it’s not rude.

Some people (me included) may have been forced to have short hair as a child because their DM didn’t want the bother of looking after longer hair.
While this has shaped my life, in that even somewhat North of 60, I still have long hair (albeit now silver) I wouldn’t assume that someone opting for a short cut is of the same mind as me, so yes, to comment in the third way is rude!

No it’s not rude- it’s a question which they’re genuinely interested in the answer. What was the reason you got it all chopped off? I don’t see why that would be rude?

I would be curious and probably asked too. Don't see it as a negative reaction

Not rude. Yabu

No not rude. I get asked it frequently post massive chop. I tell the truth, long hair was way too much work and the final straw was when it got caught in a zip.

I think it could go either way depending on tone & context.

but more often than not, implies it was a stupid choice.

It's not an elegant response. And does suggest negativity.

I had my hair cut short in my mid twenties. Like you it wasn’t particularly long before, Mostly it had varied between chin to shoulder length

I started with a short style that was a bit longer at the back and sides and then in my late twenties went full pixie when a new hair stylist I went too said it would really suit me. I’ve never looked back for 15 plus years. It suits me far better than longer hair which never looked right unless I tied it back. It has been massively freeing for me too, easy to wash and go and I don’t waste a chunk if my life faffing with my hair. I get loads of compliments even from random strangers, friends and colleagues have copied it with varying levels of success (it doesn’t suit everyone) and my DH, whose typical preference was long hair on women, loves it.and wouldn’t change it. I had a pixie cut when we met.

Nevertheless, I still get the odd comment a bit like yours but it’s more about how the person commenting would never cut their hair off. For a lot of women long hair is a comfort blanket and if it suits them and they’re happy then good for them. I would never say “what made you have long hair then?” Short hair is better for me, I’ve even had a critical comment once when travelling (from an Egyptian man) saying that a women’s beauty is in her hair so it shouldn’t ever be cut short.

The comment you’re getting may or may not be rude depending on the tone and delivery.

Enjoy and welcome to the short side,

YANBU if that is the phrasing that was used. It isn't a genuine question, It's a varient of "what the fuck did you do that for". Only even more irritating and smug.

I think socially, there’s a perceived value in women’s hair, which is why it can be so devastating going through chemo treatment (not the only reason, but it genuinely is a lot of women’s main focus of concern.)

There is also an association of ‘hysteria’ in choosing to drastically rebel against your image/femininity, that some people look at very negatively. Think of when Britney Spears shaved her head, it was labelled as a very public display of her mental health issues.

Basically, as a woman a lot of people think your social value, perceived goodness is to do with how you look, and it’s very deeply ingrained for a lot of people.

It would be a genuine question. It might influence how I respond.
If you’re all about practicality you don’t care that I liked it better long. If you’re all about being brave and opening a new chapter, then I’ll applaud your courage and determination.
I’d expect an answer like: I swim or go to the gym every day and want an easier life; I’m growing in the grey/out the bleach; I’m experimenting with my inner lesbian 😜; or I fancied a change.

Interesting that we have opposite responses again! I might have to adopt the attitude of assuming the best in everyone.

Same as a PP - my DH was really against it and he begrudgingly did admit that it really suited me. Hair is an emotive subject for many people.

I am fully embracing the short side - I genuinely feel more powerful ?! But I mostly love how I actually style my hair way more now but it takes a 3 minutes.

There is also an association of ‘hysteria’ in choosing to drastically rebel against your image/femininity, that some people look at very negatively. Think of when Britney Spears shaved her head, it was labelled as a very public display of her mental health issues.

Absolutely agree with this. My dad's first reaction was "oh for goodness sake - are you revelling again?!"

Had to remind him I'm 40 and not 16 and not really into rebelling anymore.

I had a short pixie, many many many years ago...my hair is particularly floofy and unmanageable, so keeping it short was easier. Everyone said it suited me, but the main thing was I liked it!

Sadly I've loaded on weight over the years and short hair makes my head look like a pea on a beachball, so I have a short curly bob with a bit of volume to balance out the chins these days.

I once bumped into an ex-boyfriend through work - he'd last seen me in 1996 when I was a size 10 with short hair. 15 years later I was a size 18 with very long hair. He said, "Wow, you look really...different!"

I think we both knew he wasn't talking about my hair 🤣🤣

Sounds like the reality is that it really does suit you and you’re looking fab. Perhaps some people are a bit put out by this, it happens

It’s not rude. It’s a neutral question asking why you made a drastic change in your appearance.id see it on a par with your Reaction #1.

The tone & how the question’s phrased make a big difference, though.

Yes, tone is everything.
Asking in a polite, neutral tone is okay. Asking in a deliberate and incredulous tone is rude.
I wouldn't ask someone why they cut their hair, because there could be many reasons, not all positive. I'd tell someone it looked good, etc., or at least frame my reaction in a positive way.

Surely you can tell by how it's delivered? With a slight frown or scowl then they obviously do not like it. If it's with a smile then maybe a thought that it's brave (though why Idk).
If a friend of mine who's had the same style for years suddenly cut it to a pixie I'd ask her why too! But probably with a 'wow looks great'. If I didn't think it did I'd still try to say so thing positive.
Exception to this is mothers. They have no problem saying exactly how much they disapprove of a duff cut.

Not rude, overthinking

It's similar to when people ask 'why are you single' I think. What they mean is "You can't possibly be happy with that so what was your thought process?'

So yes, I think it's rude.