I’m struggling. My mum kindly agreed to come for an extended stay over Christmas (she comes to us for a few days usually) to be on hand to help with DD if I went into labour. I did two hours before she arrived, and then gave birth by c-section last Saturday. What I’m having trouble with is that she brought a hacking cough with her, and didn’t think to mention she was unwell before coming.
I’m really grateful for the childcare when I was in hospital and DD loves her, but my mum and I have a complicated relationship, where she struggles to listen, gets defensive, won’t take accountability for anything etc.. and I’m a snappy regressive mess. She has more tantrums than my two-year-old. I think what’s making it harder for me to swallow is that I had a really severe case of bronchitis when I gave birth to DD by c-section. The coughing caused my operation to take a lot longer and it was agony during my recovery. I think I’m still a bit traumatised tbh, because having mum here hacking up her guts literally nonstop has made me an anxious mess. I’m worried about getting it with this wound, but also my newborn catching it and my DD, who’s sharing a room with her. Mum knows I’m worried and has ping-ponged between getting defensive over ‘not thinking it was anything to worry about’ before she came, and lots of woe is me over it, hoping I’ll soothe and placate her feelings. Ironically she says she doesn’t feel that ill, only sore from coughing, but she’s also been milking being under the weather for sympathy too, which is a frustrating thing to deal with when recovering really slowly from major surgery on no sleep.
I’m just angry that she didn’t mention it before arriving so I could’ve had a think about whether plans should change and we should’ve found alternative childcare for when I was in hospital. It would’ve meant she had to spend Christmas with my sister who lives near her, but that wouldn’t have been a problem at all. I’m trying to see it as her not wanting to leave us in the lurch last minute but I’m so hormonal and worried that I’m finding it hard to see past the fact it wouldn’t be out of character for her to pick what she wants to do (I.e come to visit us) over what’s best, and the choice she made not to tell us.
There’s nothing I can do about it now obviously, but AIBU? I’m really finding it tough to let it go!