to not make an English Christmas dinner again?

[NoSprouts]

I live abroad (still Europe) in DH‘s home country with our kids (8 and 5).

I have fond memories of my Christmases growing up. Lots of food, drink, presents, music, games, laughter and fun. And most importantly, family. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. DH‘s family don’t really celebrate (a nice dinner on Christmas Eve, that’s it). This year it was just us four, on the 24th and 25th.

I‘ve tried my hardest to replicate my Christmas past. This year it got too much. It is difficult to source the food items I want (no fluffy potatoes for roasties, found parsnips a month ago and had to freeze them, only frozen sprouts etc). Bought 8 crackers online for £30. I often go home to England in Autumn and stock up, this year I didn’t so we had no Christmas pudding or mince pies.

After too much wine on Christmas day I realised I will never get to replicate a British Christmas if I‘m not with my family. My kids probably don’t care, they just want presents. It was so stressful to source and make this dinner that no one but me cares about (but I do care about it a lot).

Aibu to feel sad at letting go and just eating pizza next year?

Yanbu about being sad, I would be too as I love an English christmas 🥺

Maybe there are new traditions that you can create to make the day magical and new meals that blend the English elements with the ingredients available in the country you're in

Could be fun 🙂

Bought 8 crackers online for £30

Are crackers peculiar to the UK? I never knew that!

Why not do something else next year and then see how you feel - you don't have to decide you're never ever doing a traditional roast again, you can take a break and go back to it.

It's hard enough to make it feel like a 'proper' childhood/nostalgic Christmas when you're surrounded by shops that sell a selection of everything you could possibly want, when you're having to make do with things that aren't quite what you wanted it's going to feel near impossible. It might be time to establish some new traditions - it doesn't have to be giving up and ordering pizza (unless you want to) but it's worth putting some thought into what's available that would feel special and luxurious without trying to bodge a 'traditional' roast.

I would make a special meal with what is easily available there, and crowdsource the menu - maybe one favourite dish from every family member so if it turns out to be sausages, chicken korma and goida cheese on toast followed by chocolate ice cream and creme caramel, roll with it!

My mum is scandi so we do a probably shit version of a Scandi Christmas Eve. I still do it with my kids as does my sister. It means a lot to us even though we get most of it wrong. Your kids will love it in years to come (we've just had our 50th Xmas eve)

I suggest making new memories. Don't get stressed about replicating all of your UK childhood but maybe next year do the pizza and something from your UK Christmas. Better to pick one or two easy traditions and a pizza, than you being stressed out and trying to do it all for the sake of tradition.

Why don't you go back to the UK as a family next Christmas? Assuming your relatives are still there?

For other years just source the best local food. Which country is it? Might be seafood or something Mediterranean. Got to be better than dry turkey!

This is sweet to read, thank you. I did ask DS weeks ago what he was most looking forward to eating at Christmas and he said chicken with bisto. So maybe the kids do care after all.

I really like this idea! Unfortunately DH‘s family aren’t bothered about celebrating. On Christmas Eve we do a traditional dish from his country, we invited his DF and DB. DB was working and DFIL said he might come but he never showed up. Kids would choose sausages and cheese so maybe it wouldn’t be so bad 😂

When 2 people get together in England, their Christmas days can have been completely different. Over 30 years we have built out traditional Christmas. Buffet on Christmas eve, after I've had a couple of pints with my mates. Christmas day, biscuits in bed for breakfast. If mil here full Christmas lunch. If not sausage or egg and chips. Boxing day long walk....all the while watching shite on tv,eating crap and drinking lots.

it's how you as a family decide to celebrate....that's what the kids will remember

I wouldn't be so stressed about it - source what you reasonably can and go with that. I think it's nice to bring traditions from home with you, especially as it doesn't clash with your new country's traditions. Is there anyway relatives can ship some staples to you or one of these expat companies that ship UK items?

I bet your kids do love it and will remember - we do the Spanish champagne and grapes for NYE as my children's gran is Spanish.

You could also rotate - so not every year is hard to source items.

Why can't you go back to the UK if that's what you crave? Or it's a big busy chaotic Christmas that you want, see if there are other families you know who'd like to join up with you to celebrate. If they're from different countries even better, they'll bring different types of foods and traditions and you can try them all.
Re the mince pies, I'm also a Brit living in Europe and I realised a few years ago that making my own pies (mincemeat and all) made the best mince pies I'd ever tasted - much better than the ones in the shops in the UK! But having said that, which country are you in? Aren't there any international shops where you can get British goods if you're desperately craving Christmas pudding?

Can’t you just do a version/approximation of what you’d have in England? I can’t source every single thing from my home country (well, I could, but it’s just silly expensive so I don’t do it often) so I just do the next best thing. I’ll still have fish and seafood for Christmas Eve, just not always the one I’d have ideally.

I feel a bit sad that your family isn’t on board. Here we do Christmas Eve as in my country (which is the most important day for me) and then Christmas Day my partner does the roast.

I get it. I live abroad too, also Europe. Also struggle to source a lot of the ingredients.

I do a pared back version with some adaptations/inspiration from this country's (DH is from here) cuisine. I probably wouldn't bother anymore, but DH and his sister and parents have become such fans of my English (sort of) Christmas dinner that they ask for it - MIL even insists on raising and butchering a turkey for the occasion every year (they live on a farm....)

The potatoes here are so rubbish though I've considered growing my own!.

My parents are both foreign to the uk (where I was born) and are different nationalities to each other. Our Christmases were always a bit of a mish mash of different traditions and to an extent I've replicated these with my own children. The key I think is to pick the bits you like best and not to worry about the differences.

Why does it have to be ‘never again’?
It might not be next year or even the year after but it’s unlikely to be ‘never again’. You might come back one year to visit family? They might come to see you and bring you stuff…you might go to your ex-pat friend Carol (you haven’t met her yet) and she invite you over…don’t waste any time being sad or nostalgic over something that probably will happen again at some point.

I get it. We live overseas but are lucky we do have access to a British supermarket, but nothing fresh just frozen. I did go back to the UK in November and bought Crackers and a Christmas pudding. I know there is an online British supermarket, that deliver. Maybe next year you could source some traditional items from back 'home' I really miss M&S for picky bits, we just don't have the choice here

@bringmorewashing
For the potatoes I use the Frier variety (for chips). They seem to work really well for roast potatoes

We're on holiday in Korea and our Christmas dinner was Jjajangmyeon. We did presents the day before we left (we didn't want to lug extra luggage around). Christmas can be any way you want it to be.

Well if it's difficult don't do it but surely you can do better than pizza? I'd still make it a celebratory meal but with local foods.
And it's just me and my two kids every other year (in between we go abroad to visit family) and it's still very special.

As you want to keep it up, I’d keep up the bits you can do - roast chicken with whatever potatoes and veg work closest. Mincemeat, crackers, cake, puddings I am guessing you can get delivered. Something can stand in for holly, etc. Or adapt and make a chocolate Yule log from local ingredients.

Have a good old read of various UK traditions - and shape your own. Your kids will likely take at least some of this on with your children. Family traditions are important.

Eating pizza will make you and thus everyone miserable, so don’t do that.

Do you ever all go back together? If so, why not have a second English Christmas dinner whenever that is?

A friend or relative would happily pick up
crackers etc in the January sale and keep those for you until you visit later in the year, if indeed that’s something you will all do when flights are a bit cheaper.

Could be a really fun tradition!

You're probably judging your efforts too harshly. Your Christmas may not be the same as your childhood celebrations but that's not to say that they are not special and enjoyable for your DC. Maybe a fusion of British traditions and those of your new home could work?
One of my best friends emigrated to a very hot part of Australia when her children were quite young and she was determined that they wouldn't be having a BBQ for Christmas as she wanted her family to have a "proper" celebration. For the first couple of years she did a full traditional British Christmas dinner and says she nearly killed herself sweating in the kitchen making a roast dinner that nobody really wanted to eat until she realised it just didn't work. Now they have a pared down version of Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve night and spend the actual day in the pool because that's actually much more fun for everyone.
I think if we have happy Christmas memories of our own it is natural that we want to recreate those experiences for our children but actually they will probably grow up with equally happy memories of their own childhood Christmases, even if they are not replicas of ours. There's no one "right" way to celebrate after all.

I live in the US (originally from the UK) and my husband and kids don't care for a traditional English dinner. We chose some special dishes this year that we all love and are making that our newest tradition.

I have an English friend over here and we go in on Thanksgiving together sometimes and make it a mish mash of an American and British food.

Crackers are v easy to make at home, btw!

Make your own crackers will save ££. I bought a pack of 6 for £5 from Amazon, specifically chosen to match the tablecloth. They come with a hat and a rubbish joke then you add your own little present. Much much better than anything you could buy in the shops and very easy to put together. This year we had a whisky miniature, hair bows, a brooch, special chocs, a little bottle of perfume, mini bath bombs. Now doing jokes for PIL in their mother tongue so they don’t miss out. Everyone gets really into it!