Mother in law

[chloesl1808]

My MIL lives down in England and we are in Scotland.

She told us she was coming up on 23rd December but when I say she is the WORST person at organising her life, I would be underestimating. Her organisation and planning skills are non-existent. Anyway my husband never heard from her in the run up to Christmas and on her last trip up here, he explained that this Christmas we were just going to have it as just the 3 of us - me, my husband and our 1 year old daughter. So he never hears from here until early hours of Christmas Day!!! And she says she will be driving up on Christmas morning and she will be staying with us. My blood BOILS. First of all, the audacity to just assume you're coming here for Xmas but also to be staying here! Also, she is vegan and we are not so we didn't have much exciting foods in the house for her. I would usually feel bad about this but I didn't as she made me so mad just showing up like that.

I eventually got over this rude and disrespectful behaviour until today!!!! It continues... we had my husbands friend over to catch up with us as he lives in London now. He came with his girlfriend who is lovely. Anyway, try and cut a long story short, the girlfriend was explaining how she uses certain CBD items and my MIL (!!) then goes on to say she has certain illegal (in the UK anyway) items in her car. The girlfriend asks if they can go and try some and off they go. 2 woman, one in her 40s and the other in her 60's with children and grandchildren run off like 2 little kids going to a sweetie shop and disappear for around 2 hours to go and smoke said substance in MIL's car. Honestly I'm furious.

I am a very chilled laidback person and not stuck up when it comes to people using these substances but the thing that boiled my blood the most was that first of all they were in our house visiting us then running off to do that, we had ordered pizza so they then returned when my husband went out to look for them to wave them that the pizza had arrived. My house is now filled with the smell of the substance and my poor little girl was in the living room when they came in and filled the room with the stench.

To top this all off, I have just enjoyed the best year of my life on maternity leave raising our daughter and I go back to work on 6th jan so I was so excited for our Xmas day together and having a chill couple of weeks before I go back as it is going to be so hard for me.

Honestly I feel disrespected but may be overreacting. Like I say, I'm such a chill person but this really has hit a nerve with me. I told my husband already I'm so mad and he said he is to. He says he will speak to his mum but unsure.

Anyway just looking for any words of wisdom or for people to tell me to get a grip if I'm being ridiculous! Lol.

The difference is that where you live (USA?) it is regulated and a lot safer than a lot of the stuff we get over here. It is believed that about 70% of the weed used in the UK is skunk which is a lot stronger than "normal" weed.

Skunk can make the negative effects of usage such as anxiety or paranoia more likely or worse.

There are regular reports in the local news of the police finding another cannabis farm, and usually the person tending it is someone who has been trafficked here from vietnam.

You only need to read some of the threads on the secondary or further education boards and relationship boarda to know that heavy weed smokers cause all sorts of issues.

@ZadelRoad please don't minimise the OP's concerns.

@chloesl1808 I smoked weed religiously for around 10 years (outside of trips abroad, because thankfully, even I wasn't that dumb). It absolutely makes you paranoid, and depressed, and antisocial. I thought it was a positive, but in hindsight it negatively impacted my mental health to a large degree. It just numbed a lot of shit I wasn't ready to deal with.

Later, long after I'd given up, I started dating "the oldest guy in the club". And I had a few smokes. It wasn't the same as the old days. About 10 times stronger. Also he repeated stories over and over (and over) again. I'd say some of the dementia patients I worked with at the time demonstrated more cognisance.

Thank you for sharing your experience. The bit where you said about numbing shit so you didn't have to deal with it... totally exactly what she is doing.

That's all it really does. But you still have to still face up to it in the end. Hope she's ok.

The turning up out of the blue might be received very badly by some which I understand but I couldn't get too upset the ganja smoking, I'd have joined them.

I’d expect this kind of behaviour from an 18 year old back from uni. It’s annoying and disrespectful in a teen/young adult, but kind of understandable (would still need a telling off ofc but can be understood as part of the age and something to grow out of). It’s really sad in a grown up, old lady.

The real issue of course is with her smoking weed. While she didn’t smoke it in your house (good), she did smoke it close enough that you could smell it in the house, which isn’t really ok around kids.

Louder for the hypocrites in the back!

It’s really sad in a grown up, old lady.

I couldn’t disagree more. It really pisses me off that getting old apparently means you have to stop being yourself and conform to some kind of stereotype. She’s resolutely herself and as far from sad as it’s possible to be. I hope she finds herself in more congenial company for the rest of the year. I note the younger woman gets a free pass.

@BIossomtoes Sounds like you've discovered it and think it's your next bff. It isn't. It is damaging. It isn't a harmless little buzz. In terms of psychological use, it numbs you and stops you facing up to the root cause. It also causes paranoia, significant short term memory loss, and triggers a raft of mental health problems, including depression, anxiety and schizophrenia.

I discovered it over 50 years ago, had a blast with it and outgrew it. Evidently you’ve misunderstood my post - I was referring to the really horrible ageism which is so prevalent on MN. And I stand by every word.

That’s some piss taking right there. To have the audacity to invite her self and then to bring drugs to your house … that’s f**ing amazing.

I don’t know how you’ve not told everyone to get the F* out. I’d of completely lost my shit. Rampage is what I would have went on.

I would ensure you’re sitting at the table when your husband speaks to her to make sure your concerns are brought up.

No not USA. Another assumption.
There are many different strains you can get prescribed there is no such thing as "normal weed"

No one is minimising anything, my points aren't about the fact someone doesn't want their kids around it, that's a personal choice, it's the bucket loads of misinformation that comes up about the plant itself every time it's mentioned. And if the mother in law is suicidal there is a high chance she has something else going on that causes that. People are quick to decide it's the pot that causes that. Like alcohol people often use it BECAUSE they feel a certain way and was never actually caused by drinking or smoking. Drinking and smoking can exacerbate those feelings but not necessarily cause them.

There are many cases where people point the finger at pot being the issue when something happens when the issue they've described isn't a result of pot. They like to use this in the news to try and make sure people get their pitchforks out when there is talk of legalising it. Alcohol can be way more dangerous but I bet people still drink around their kids (be it with dinner or whatever) and that's OK...

Like with anything it isn't for everyone but it also isn't the sole cause of everything many seem to think it is.

Why on earth didn’t you turn her away? Harsh but it would’ve been the very last time she tried pulling a stunt like that! Now that you didn’t turn her away, she’ll do this kind of bullshit every time she fancies

That's disgusting. They wouldn't be stepping foot in my house after smoking weed. 🤢

chill. she’s coming to see her son and grandchild in what is known to be a family holiday. esp when she lives so far. you are being outrageously unreasonable.

No she’s not. She’s there for however long you let her. I’d be telling her to go home tomorrow.

Not an assumption, a question.

Where are you that you can get it prescribed?
I know that weed consumption doesn't cause anxiety and paranoia, but it can in people who are prone to it.

As I said in my post, it isn't prescribed or regulated here.

Another issue we have here is the increase in numbers of drivers driving under the influence of weed and other drugs.

Do you have any evidence of the amount of children being murdered?

She sounds like an absolute nightmare but at least she isn’t local! The philosophical arguments about weed are not really relevant. If you are very anti-drugs then it’s worth setting boundaries now about not having it near your children. That’s one got your husband but if you won’t then you must.

i think alcohol is much more harmful than cannabis but your children are not my children and to be honest I wouldn’t want an uninvited pissed up granny in my house either.

Set out your stall now though. Your home, your children and your rules. I hope you get a more relaxing New Year!

Ah yes, sorry. If it's only 1 or 2 children being murdered it's all hunky dory isn't it? 🙄

If you are in the UK you it is possible to get it on a prescription. Many other countries are the same these days.

Yes, medical cannabis is legal in the UK and can be prescribed by specialist doctors to treat certain conditions.

Who won’t be remotely interest in personal use

It's still a silly argument, though.

The harm you cite isn't inherent to using cannabis, it's a consequence of it being illegal (despite legalization being quite popular with the UK public). I can buy it legally where I am, so zero ethical concerns.

If you think eating meat/dairy is unethical in and of itself, then the harm is in the act, rather than indirectly arising as a byproduct of government policy.

(Not excusing the poor behavior of the OP's guests, btw)

Anyone who writes "blood BOILS" then repeats the phrase along with a couple of so mads and a furious and excessive exclamation marks cannot be described as chill or laid back.

Maybe puffing on a dooby could help with that? 😉

OP your MIL is having a crisis and you don’t give a shit - does your OH give a shit about his mum?