Adult Christmas Lists

[PeppyPanda]

My DP refuses to take any hint/suggestion/ideas for my Christmas gifts…

If I see something I like in the lead up to Xmas and say ‘oh that’s nice I’d love one of those’ he will say ‘well now you can’t have it for Xmas!’

I usually end up with one or two nice things (like fancy pjs this year) and a lot of random things I would never want/need… usually odd stuff that’s popped on his social media…
I think I’d rather compromise - be allowed to make a few hints about themes/ideas. I’m not suggesting full blown list of exact items.

Also, this only applies to me - if the kids or other family ask for something or send a list, he’ll buy those things for them.

YABU - DP is right - Christmas is about the surprise, so stop being an ungrateful cow and if you want something just buy it for yourself.

YANBU - Hints are useful and avoids disappointment/wasted money at Christmas

Neither of you is right or wrong, but you’re both daft if you’re persisting in dropping hints he’ll ignore and he’s persisting in buying surprises you don’t want. You need to get yourselves on the same page, whichever that is.

My contrast my DH will only buy things I've pre-chosen and I hate it.

Grass is always greener I guess.

Can you look up the items you want on his phone/social media so he starts getting aids for things you actually want?!

We do lists
To avoid people ending up with stuff they don't want/can't use/don't like/duplicates etc. Also avoids people senselessly buying crap because they have NO idea or can't be bothered to think of something

Also some members of our family don't have a lot of money so Christmas is a time where they rely on getting the treat they really want and wouldn't be able to get themselves anyway.

We only buy things the other person asks for. I know many people won't like this approach. sometimes we don't buy each other anything other than a token gift such as shower gel if there is nothing we want. I would rather we saved our money for meals or days out rather than buying an item neither of us really wants just to have something to open.

I'm terrible for this.
Husband asks- I say I don't want anything- so get random stuff I didn't want.
He'd much rather I gave a list.

well now you can’t have it for Xmas!

What an odd thing to say simply because you’re admiring something.

Sounds a bit dickish to be honest! Why can't you have it for Christmas?

Start whispering stuff into his phone if he gets what's popped up!

I think there’s an underlying current of DP always knowing what’s ‘best’ for everyone else and having strong sense of his opinion/his way is always right - probably this is making me more irritated about this than the actual standalone point of Xmas gifts…!

The replies have prompted this good train of thought in my head though!!

Thank you x

We're all different but I think he's being a bit weird personally. My DH prefers to get suggestions from me, which is a win-win as far as I'm concerned as the results can be a bit, um, mixed if he goes off-piste with gift ideas. 😄

I much prefer lists as I hate waste. I will send DH links to things I would like in the month or so running up to Christmas, then it’s a semi-surprise as I’m not sure what he’s bought. Would much rather that than just getting a load of random crap.

He sounds a bit weird to be honest.

I don't like the list approach as I feel it just reinforces the notion that you are only exchanging gifts because of some societal expectation.

I have though over recent years stepped back from adult Christmas gifts for that same reason. This year I only bought a handful of nice gifts for DP and the only other adult gift I received was money from parents but they specifically stated they didn't want anything.

It's so much easier than years past!

DC (6) got loads but that's 'from Santa'

I just send dh amazon links and he orders them!

We do lists or talk about ideas of things we might like, especially higher value items. As well as the usual classics ie. People know I love gin, specific brands of chocolate, particular books etc which are hard to get wrong.

Personally it's my worst nightmare to fill my house with more clutter or tat I won't use or don't like. So I'd rather give and receive genuinely wanted things, than totally waste something. I will also always ask others for ideas - whether specific or general so I know I am never buying hopeless things for the sake of it.