Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Staying at in-laws house

18 replies

Livia515 · 26/12/2024 11:31

Merry Christmas everyone xx Any support needed! My husbands family live 300 miles away and we are visiting tomorrow for 3 days. My husband always wants us to stay at his parents house but I prefer to stay at a hotel. My reasons are fil smokes in the house and it is generally not clean, no space to
myself which I personally really need. (For example once I arrived and my husband expected me to sleep on the settee in the living room with 3 other adults and 2 young children in the house. I hadn’t even been made aware of this before I arrived).
My husband has gotten angry at me in the past when I have suggested staying at a hotel which has left me very anxious to bring up the subject at all. I don’t know what to do as we’re leaving tomorrow 😔 Thanks for reading, suppose I’m just looking for some support before I talk to him - it’s also my due date today for one of my pregnancy losses this year!
Edited

OP posts:
Blanketssese · 26/12/2024 11:37

Don't go.
Is your husband a bully?
Why is he getting angry at you?
You are an adult.
Not normal to get angry at this.

Refuse to go and do some reflection on your relationship.

Do not have children with a bully.
Do not inflict a bully on an innocent child.
Have you family to stay with?
Go to them for a rest.

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 26/12/2024 11:38

You need to get your acting skills out now… develop a headache, keep going to the toilet, make throwing up sounds, go to bed… you’ve suddenly developed a D+V bug and it will persist through the night, meaning your DP will have to go alone and you have a nice 3 days at home keep up the facade until he leaves and whilst he is away have a serious think of his lack of consideration for your needs.Nobody can make you do anything you don’t want to do OP but I sense from your post you won’t stand up for yourself so feign illness x

FKAT · 26/12/2024 11:39

Blanketssese · 26/12/2024 11:37

Don't go.
Is your husband a bully?
Why is he getting angry at you?
You are an adult.
Not normal to get angry at this.

Refuse to go and do some reflection on your relationship.

Do not have children with a bully.
Do not inflict a bully on an innocent child.
Have you family to stay with?
Go to them for a rest.

This.

pinkyredrose · 26/12/2024 11:40

Why would he be angry, is he generally a hothead?

ShortyShorts · 26/12/2024 11:41

You would've been better off with the thread title, "I'm scared to talk to my own husband about things that bother me".

That's the real problem and it always will be from the sound of it.

Tell him that if you're going to accompany him you'll be booking a hotel.

Any angry nonsense and you'll stay home and have a much needed break from him.

LookItsMeAgain · 26/12/2024 12:18

Do you drive @Livia515 ? Book yourself in to a hotel as a treat and tell your DH that that is where you're sleeping when you visit his parents. It is a treat - end of. He gets to spend time with his parents and you get a treat of staying in a hotel where you don't have to do the washing up or anything. What's not to like.

Tell him it's a done deal and you're not going to change your mind. If he would prefer that a hotel isn't on the cards, then he goes alone - that is also a done deal. There are no rules to say you are joined at the hip to him and have to go everywhere he goes.

Treat it as a break if he does go alone. Then work out whether he really is the person you want to spend every day with.

Original poster
Livia515 · 26/12/2024 12:35

Thanks everyone xxx I should have mentioned we have a little girl who is 4. I have just told husband I have booked a hotel and he said ok! The thing is, this has happened before then he brings it up later and says things like I stop him and our child spending time with his family etc. As someone mentioned earlier I have said to him he could visit his parents without me, but he never has in the 10 years we’ve been together!

OP posts:
MeridianB · 26/12/2024 12:40

YADNBU OP. Why does he think smoking, a dirty house and sofa surfing is acceptable for you and a small child? His attitude is appalling. Stay strong!

Blanketssese · 26/12/2024 13:44

Do not have more children with a bully.

Octonaut4Life · 26/12/2024 13:46

I've said you're being unreasonable because it's bizarre to not have discussed this until the day you're going. If you feel that unable to discuss potentially contentious issues with your husband, it suggests a deeper problem.

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2024 13:50

So you’re staying in a hotel? Excellent! I’ve done the same, no way am I staying at mum’s, she smokes loads and last time I stayed, I got a chest infection and couldn’t breathe.

AntiHop · 26/12/2024 13:53

Good outcome op.

Flossflower · 26/12/2024 13:59

Your child should not be exposed to your FILs smoke.

Original poster
Livia515 · 26/12/2024 20:36

Thanks for replying everyone. We are staying at a hotel I won’t move on it. Just hope it’s not brought up against me in days/ weeks to come. Yeah I should have brought it up soon but I am extremely anxious around the subject and we’ve had the same conversation around it so many times. Hope you all have had a lovely day xxxxx

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 27/12/2024 10:05

If he does consider mentioning that you stay in a hotel whenever he goes to visit his folks, you could remind him that if you didn't stay in a hotel whenever he goes to visit his folks, he actually wouldn't go and visit his folks as he doesn't do it without you.
Perhaps next time he could go and visit his parents alone and he'd then have the time he claims you're withholding from him to spend with his parents???

Pussycat22 · 27/12/2024 10:28

If he makes your life a misery over this, is he worth being with? I hate soky houses they always feel unclean to me.x

Blanketssese · 27/12/2024 10:30

You sound bullied by him.
Talk to Women's aid.
Don't have more children with him.

Original poster
Livia515 · 27/12/2024 16:40

LookItsMeAgain · 27/12/2024 10:05

If he does consider mentioning that you stay in a hotel whenever he goes to visit his folks, you could remind him that if you didn't stay in a hotel whenever he goes to visit his folks, he actually wouldn't go and visit his folks as he doesn't do it without you.
Perhaps next time he could go and visit his parents alone and he'd then have the time he claims you're withholding from him to spend with his parents???

Thanks yeah that is a really good point! If he does bring it up I will say that too him. He is the type to believe what he wants to so he’s decided that because I don’t want to sleep at his parents house; he doesn’t get to see them! Which as you point out is not my fault! Xxxx

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page