To be worried about my father in law

[Houseofteenbots]

Fil came for Christmas yesterday. He's been my fil for 26 years and has had many Christmas dinners with us. We picked him up before dinner. He waa very quiet. He seemed OK during dinner but still quiet. His portion control was very strange though. For instance he ended up having half the Christmas pudding! He was still quiet after dinner fell asleep didn't interact. He unwrapped his presents. The boys had money from him which he'd already given us to give them. We got nothing as he said he hadn't had time. He gave a Christmas card to one ds but not the other. A bit later we played uno and he got so confused. We've played it with him many times. He got very confused and mixed up. Tried to put wrong colours down. Didn't understand what a reverse card change direction was. Didn't understand about picking up 2 or wild cards or saying uno and just kept getting very confused. Afterwards he said he'd like his tea and to go home. So I did something quickly and dh took him home. It was all very strange. He said he had a good day enjoyed himself but I'm worried

If this out of character it would worry me too. How old is he?
MIL is 88 can get very confused when she hasn’t slept or has an infection but she is for the most part very with it.

It is out of character. It was very strange. Although the quiet part isn't. To be fair he's a quiet man

Definitely sounds like he is a little confused. Could be early signs of dementia. Does he live alone?

Yes he does since my mother in law died

Could be the start of dementia, could be a water infection.

I'd be booking him a GP appointment and getting either yourself or husband to attend with him. Could be a water infection ( easily ruled in/out) if not he can be referred onwards to relevant hospital department if needed by GP.

How old is he?

He's 79. 80 next year

Ask your dh to book at GP appointment for him and also that your dh takes his dad to the appointment.

Could be start of dementia, as PP said it could be a water infection. Urine infections in older age have completely different symptoms to the ones most of us will be used to. Even dehydration and poor kidney function without an actual infection can cause confusion. Very common at this time of year as everyone cranks the heating up, and doesn't like up to get more drinks as they're too cosy on the sofa, so ends up dried up and dehydrated. And some know they're not right but are hesitant to go to the GP because they are scared they have dementia.

Get him to a GP and make sure one of you goes with him.

This is often a thing of jigsaw puzzle pieces.... Theres likely things that your OH or children noticed that was odd about Grandad but you didn't. All your OH if he noticed anything and compare notes.

Tbf I get so confused by Uno and I’m 45

But it appeared FIL used not to.

How often do you see him? Is it a sudden change (ie, he was fine last week) or part of a slow decline?

My FIL is the same age and also on his own - he seems pretty "sharp" in general and is still fiercely independent so any change in his behaviour would be very noticeable, very quickly.

He definitely needs an appointment with his GP, but your DH should go and have a chat with him and see if he can gauge the extent of his confusion and how long it's been going on. Urinary infection needs to be ruled out first and that's easy to fix, but if there is concern that it's dementia a referral will need to be made to the memory clinic. Does he drive? Is there evidence at his home of confusion, examples might be out of date food in his fridge, poor personal hygiene, paperwork that hasn't been attended to, unusual levels of clutter or disorganisation in the home, etc.

Is this his first Christmas alone? It could be grief.

Do you have Power of Attorney?
Start thinking about where things might be headed as he ages and is now living alone.
Exclude infection first. And maybe ask for a memory assessment. The wheels can come off very quickly around this age.

She's been gone 9 years now

Ah okay, just wondering as it's my FIL's first one alone as he's definitely not his usual self. I hope you get to the bottom of things, it's so worrying when they go downhill.

Sympathies.

Depending on how much help he accepts you could either make him a GP appointment or simply write to the GP with concrete examples of things you are concerned about. Whether they do much about it does depend a bit on the GP - I care remotely for an oldie and wrote a long letter to her GP outlining some very specific concerns with examples (I'm a doctor albeit not a GP). GP did a very basic cognitive assessment and told me it was OK and is refusing to do any more (memory clinic referral etc) and that he can't due to referral rules. Friends who are GPs, some of whom work locally, say that they would refer on with a collateral history of concern from the family and that they haven't had any referrals bounced. We are going to try again after Christmas with another family member writing as evidence of issues continue to accumulate.

As this is the first time you've been worried an appointment to rule out an infection is probably a good place to start.

If you're close by, could you pop in for a cup of tea tomorrow and see how he is? It does sound like possibly the beginnings of dementia but could easily be confusion caused by a medical issue. If you're still worried after seeing him tomorrow, you can call 111 for advice.