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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to play chess?

12 replies

TurkeySoup2 · 26/12/2024 01:35

Honestly not sure why I’m posting sorry, I think I just wanted to get a fresh opinion or reassurance on this if that’s ok!

this will sound really daft, but has anyone ever gone back as an adult to a sport or hobby they did when they were younger? I understand I won’t be as good as I was back then, but does anyone have any tips or advice on getting back and not being put off by other people?

basically I played chess competitively as a child. I’m honestly NOT meaning this in a bragging way, but I was actually quite good at it and played at a regional and national level for my age. I was selected as being an up and coming player who could represent the country internationally in the future and I was lucky enough to win some big games on a national level

but playing chess as a young girl was really, really tough. First there was the fact it’s a male dominated game and I sometimes felt a bit of a outcast- there were other girls at competitions but it was predominantly boys and it always felt like a lot of pressure, as if I had to justify I was a good player even though I was a girl. Comments that I had a great grading ‘for a girl’ always stung in particular. Or the surprise that you beat the boys because ‘you’re a girl’. Then there was the social stigma that was associated with being a chess player at school - I was actually really embarrassed of my friends finding out. I completely hid it from them until I was in the newspaper for it and then they found out. Playing chess was quite literally seen as social suicide back then (honestly not even sure why!) and as a young kid that mattered to me and sort of made me resent chess. In the end I quit by the time I made it to secondary school and it was a bit disappointing for everyone as I was starting the pathway to playing internationally.

my parents were very supportive and took me to chess training multiple times a week and competitions up and down the country. They were deep down a bit gutted when I quit although they respected my choice.

but I want to get back into it now as an adult. But I’m just a bit nervous about going back to a game I’ve not played properly in a long time. Obviously I understand I’ll get beaten and I don’t expect to be good haha, but it’s just quite nerve wracking going back. And I know it sounds completely ridiculous to be worrying about this as an adult, but I’m sort of worried that people will judge me if they find out I play. I know kids can be cruel and that for an adult there’s no shame around playing chess, but I guess it’s still weighing on my mind from when I was younger. But equally I enjoyed the game and I’d like to get back to playing just for fun, and maybe even compete again the future.

i should just stop worrying about nothing and go back again shouldn’t I? There’s some local clubs where I live now so they’d be a good place to start, and I really want to, but the nerves are just holding me back ahh x

OP posts:
loropianalover · 26/12/2024 01:37

You’re really making a mountain out of a mole hill OP. Go back and enjoy it, nobody will bat an eye.

TurkeySoup2 · 26/12/2024 01:38

Should probably make it clearer as it’s all a bit jumbled up a bit in my OP (sorry it’s so long winded!) … I don’t expect to be anywhere near as good as I was when I was younger lol. The ship has definitely sailed with that one haha! I fully expect to be pretty rubbish when I go back lol. I just genuinely enjoy the game and want to go back for fun. Maybe in the future I’d like to compete again but I’m definitely not going in with the intention of picking up where I left off 10 years ago lol x

OP posts:
KenAdams · 26/12/2024 01:38

Why don't you start playing on an app first to build your confidence?

HotBath · 26/12/2024 01:38

You are giving other people’s possible opinions about chess way too much headspace. You want to start playing again. So do it. The only person whose opinion on this matters is you.

TurkeySoup2 · 26/12/2024 01:38

loropianalover · 26/12/2024 01:37

You’re really making a mountain out of a mole hill OP. Go back and enjoy it, nobody will bat an eye.

Honestly I totally am and I don’t even understand why! I’m not usually a nervous person at all but for some reason my mind/nerves are working overtime with this! X

OP posts:
Treyo · 26/12/2024 01:39

Just go do it, there will be a whole range of people from total beginners to the opposite. Realistically no one will care about the whole backstory apart from “oh that’s good you’ve gotten back into it”
create an account on chess.com if you want to try and blow off some of the covers a

Alalalala · 26/12/2024 01:48

You’re reconnecting with an interest and in doing so reconnecting with the powerful emotions you had the last time you had it in your life - the embarrassment, the sense of exclusion, the insecurity. That’s only natural! But these are old old feelings, from long ago, with no relation to you and your life and choices now. So reassure the teenage version of you that nothing bad will happen and there’s nothing to worry about - and go for it.

TurkeySoup2 · 26/12/2024 14:56

Alalalala · 26/12/2024 01:48

You’re reconnecting with an interest and in doing so reconnecting with the powerful emotions you had the last time you had it in your life - the embarrassment, the sense of exclusion, the insecurity. That’s only natural! But these are old old feelings, from long ago, with no relation to you and your life and choices now. So reassure the teenage version of you that nothing bad will happen and there’s nothing to worry about - and go for it.

Honestly I think you’ve summed it up perfectly- it’s like all the old feelings are coming to the surface again x

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 26/12/2024 15:43

it was predominantly boys and it always felt like a lot of pressure, as if I had to justify I was a good player even though I was a girl I wasn’t your standard and I was a bit older, but my team viewed me as their secret weapon. I wasn’t on the bottom board, so not a randum girlfriend dragged in to make up numbers, and most men at that time had no experience playing against a woman - some of them were scared stiff! I particularly remember a motorcycle cop whose MO was to clump in in his boots and slam down his helmet in an intimidating manner. He resigned quite early in the game.

If you want the easy option, go into it as if you’re a beginner. Admit to knowing the moves.

RandomMess · 26/12/2024 15:58

Find a local club and play for fun! Another idea is look at playing Blood Bowl - it's a games workshop game which has a board and set moves like chess but the different teams have different abilities/strengths etc but you also have dice so it's probability as well as strategy.

You can play in a league or a tournament (or both obviously).

randomchap · 26/12/2024 16:31

Get up to speed on chess.com before going.

They have lessons and puzzles, as well as bots you can play.

I started playing again recently and practicing online helped get me back to where I was when I was younger.

Enjoy it

Walkingwithdinosaurs · 26/12/2024 16:40

When you say going back to playing, what do you actually mean? Playing for fun or going somewhere to play other people face to face/competitions?

I played for my region up until I turned 15, I have a chess set in the house and my husband and I play regularly. I’ve lost all ability to think three ahead and I am no where near as good as I was but I still enjoy playing it.

Start with an app as others have suggested and build up your confidence and go from there. Life’s too short to worry about others.

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