Fed up with Lazy Adult Kids

[ZiggyZowie]

DS ,29 and DD,27 here for Xmas , never offer to help and I'm sick of it.
Take it for granted coming home every Xmas
I feel like cancelling next year.
And yes I've asked them to help, but they just laugh.
Also never contribute towards food etc and I'm on a pension !
They have more money than me and they know it .
Wish they'd just fuck right off

Tell them well in advance next year that they can book a pub Christmas lunch for the 3 of you, and they'll be paying for yours as a thank you for the years you've paid for theirs ☺️

And they can put together a nice hamper to bring between them too

You raised them like this.

But yeah. Tell them No.

No I didn't raise them like this, bloody cheek

They were always brought up to do chores and earn pocket money.

They love you and your Christmas.
In a month's time book a nearby hotel for Christmas lunch next year. Book for six so you can each bring a friend.
Inform your kids and have them pay a third of the cost each.
That will give them an example of what they can do when it is their turn to host but they don't cook.

Announce that from then on you will host every second year.
When you do. Phone your kids two months out and asign two tasks for each of them. eg, provide nibbles and something for pudding, bring all the drinks and a salad. On the day ask one to decorate and set the table, another to help prepare the vegies with you. You need to proactively change those slovenly habits.

It sounds like you really deserve a break and you deserve to be helped especially as you are always hosting and cooking. Some people are ungrateful and just take things for granted unfortunately. You deserve gratitude.

I think it's a good suggestion that was made by another poster, for your adult children to maybe arrange a lunch either at a restaurant/pub or theirs for next year or you could do your own thing and just meet more casually on another day perhaps.

Yes these are good suggestions.

I'd already told them that when I was their age i used to contribute on Christmas day towards the food. My mum was a widow with 6 children,myself being youngest and one of us would bring the dessert,another the wine,another veggies and so on.
Looks like I'll have to really spell it out to them.

Don't ask, tell. At the end of the meal, if they haven't helped cook it, say 'that was lovely wasn't it? Now you two can do the washing up'! Then get up and move yourself into the living room. Should they try and join you, say 'have you finished it all already? Thank you so much! I'm exhausted after all the prep and cooking! Later we can have a few leftovers'. And stare them down. If they still refuse to do it (or laugh) say 'right. Thanks for nothing. Next year I expect one of you to host, maybe then you'll be a bit more appreciative.' Then sit ignoring them or take yourself off to your room. Yes you are having a sulk but it actually might penetrate!

Allocated and named tasks does the trick!

had 25 family members at mine today - 4-5 of us did the cooking,
all other family bought drinks and deserts
young uns who didn’t cook, did the cleaning with clear instructions and named people to do jobs

You say you didn't raise them like this, but you enabled them.

Take it for granted coming home every Xmas - but you always do Christmas though? Never once told them No, I have plans, No, its your turn, No, it's about time you took us all out?

Tell me the time you asked them to do something and then it got left, and left - more likely you got fed up and did it your self and they faced no repercussions.

Tell me a time you you did nothing for them at Christmas? Every year you do it all, all the shopping, all the prep, all the cooking, cleaning... you do it all?

They will sit and do nothing if everything Is done for them.

What you have to do is tell them what you're doing. What do you want from your Christmas?