Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Argument over cooking Christmas dinner

14 replies

Youtoldmeonce · 25/12/2024 15:05

Back story-DH is depressed, been going on since he took early retirement a few years ago, he had some kind of breakdown after quite manic behaviour which involved mental health team.
Now he as very little interest in anything, tends to stay in bed most days till 6pm ish, then will sit & watch tv, he will often cook our dinner (we eat late). (That’s for another thread).
He gets bad tempered if I interfere or make a suggestions when he’s cooking. He sees it that if he’s cooking he does it all with no input from me.
So today at 11am I put the joint in the slo-cooker, presuming he was staying in bed, he appeared in the kitchen and when I asked him if he was ok he became angry and said no and that I was doing it again interfering with today’s meal.
I explained that I didn’t know what time he was getting up and the joint needed to go in. He’s told me I’ve ruined the day due to just doing what I wanted to do as usual! I said he didn’t say he was cooking todays meal his reply was that he does most of the cooking so I should have known.
He’s now gone back to bed. AIBU? With hindsight it should have being discussed about today’s meal, but it didn’t cross my mind and I’ve been busy with work, run up to Christmas etc. It’s only us at home so it will not affect anyone else’s day.

OP posts:
BleachedJumper · 25/12/2024 15:10

Tell him to stop being a miserable bastard.

In the new year, assess if this is a relationship/life you want to remain in.

HeyPrestoVinegar · 25/12/2024 15:13

Does this marriage enhance your life and make it peaceful, easier, and fun? That's the entire point, so if it no longer serves you, rid yourself of the angry bloke and enjoy life.

pizzaHeart · 25/12/2024 15:13

it would be better for you to ask if you usually ate together and he did cooking. As it seems the only thing he does ( like his lady domain in a way) so he is probably very sensitive to it . However he clearly overreacted saying that you ruined everything, you didn’t. It as a simple issue which could be resolved in a normal adult way.
I hope you’ll find strength to do something nice for yourself and enjoy the rest of the day in some way. I would put him in “unwell” category in a nice way - he is not well so he can’t join you and you try to enjoy the day by yourself.
And after Christmas I will think hard about the situation as it doesn’t sound like a good life for you.

applestewing · 25/12/2024 15:14

sod him

Cook your own dinner and he can sort his own too.

its sad he’s not in a good place mentally but that doesn’t give him the right to treat you like crap.

JustMyView13 · 25/12/2024 15:33

You’re right that with the benefit of hindsight, more open communication would’ve potentially avoided today’s row. But it might not have.
He sounds wholly unreasonable in his response, because he too could’ve communicated his plans.
Appreciate he has MH challenges but this isn’t a life I could live in.
MH challenges are ok. Using them as an excuse to be an arse are not.

Starlightstarbright4 · 25/12/2024 15:42

i absolutely would be telling him to shove it .

Having MH problems doesn’t mean you have to walk round on egg shells ..

biscuitsandbooks · 25/12/2024 15:43

Why are you married to someone who sleeps all day?

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 25/12/2024 15:44

What does he mean you always interfere?

BCBird · 25/12/2024 15:47

I sympathise OP. It can be very draining being with someone with depression. Look after your own mental well- being.

BettyBardMacDonald · 25/12/2024 15:59

BleachedJumper · 25/12/2024 15:10

Tell him to stop being a miserable bastard.

In the new year, assess if this is a relationship/life you want to remain in.

This.

Wtf??

You aren't obliged to stay with him just because he has MH issues.

Wonderi · 25/12/2024 16:15

Tell him to fuck off.

I am all for supporting someone with an illness, whether it’s physical or mental but you cannot compromise your own health for someone else.

Start putting yourself first.

User452023 · 25/12/2024 16:29

Maybe cos he's depressed this is the only contribution/enjoyment he has to look forward to. Making dinner probably means alot to him and lifts his moods. I would tread carefully because he does suffer with depression so he is not really acting as he should. I woukd continue to be patient. We can either react in kind to other people's moods or try to gain insight.

In the meantime what is he doing about his depression? cos it's a drain on you? He can't just be lying in bed all day watching TV, he needs to see your GP and get to the root of his depression because it's definitely not fair on you..

Porkyporkchop · 25/12/2024 16:35

He is draining the life and soul from you. Get out now. He is not grateful for your support , he is just abusing you.

Nothatgingerpirate · 25/12/2024 16:49

Bollocks to that, OP.
My husband is 75, had been depressed in the past as well, but isn't choosing to be a miserable bastard at home.
How about life with no husband?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread