To be thinking about the disappointment of not having a third baby?

[KittyPup]

We’re sat here on Christmas morning and both dc are excitedly playing with presents. Dh and I have had a tough year as we’re on opposite pages when it comes to having a third. As always though, the person who doesn’t want one overrides the one who does. I feel resentful but am trying to come to terms with it.

This morning, however, I just have an overwhelming feeling of sadness watching my two playing, instead of happiness. I feel the tears rising constantly, knowing that I won’t have a third and keep having to swallow them and blink them away. Dh is asking if I’m okay and I keep saying yes as I don’t want to ruin the day or upset him either. I am grateful for what I have but watching both dc, in my gut I just feel like we’re missing one person. I’m worried I’ll never shake this feeling and eventually it will tear Dh and I apart. I love him and want our marriage to work. Any advice on how to get through the day with a smile on my face would be appreciated.

Don't waste this time with your children and husband.

Put it to one side for today. They love you.

Tell yourself you'll review everything else tomorrow or NY or whenever.

But grab what you have now.

I understand how you feel. I had my second at 38 and really wanted another one but DH wasn’t ready. When he finally felt ready I had just turned 43 and had to experience all the blessings that come with TTC over 40, namely multiple miscarriages.

I was extremely resentful towards him. I don’t believe sweeping things like that under the carpet is good for anyone so I made it very clear and obvious, we discussed and argued about it many times. I also had counselling which helped but ultimately what helped me the most was time, it’s quite sad but true that time heals everything.

We’ve never stopped TTC but I had multiple miscarriages, 9 in total. This year I told DH that I was done, he wanted to keep trying. I got pregnant in June and I am currently 28 weeks.

I think it was ultimately a lesson for both of us and we emerged stronger and different people on the other side. I’m very happy to be pregnant finally with a healthy baby but if this was not meant to be I found my peace about whatever outcome.

@KittyPup try and distract yourself - I know it can be hard. I have one . I would have loved to have two but it wasn't to be. I only know my life as the three of us and we don't live near family so it's just us three today. My DS is still young and is so excited about Christmas. I've been building Lego and eating gingerbread men that he made already this morning (they were crunchy 😀). I'm just embracing it. Yes I'm thinking what would it be like if there was another but you k ow what - I'm happy as we are. We are happy. I just had to accept and remind myself to be grateful of all the good in my life..

Try and take some time for yourself today - a walk - have a cry - it's good for you! Release it.
Have a good day. Take care 🎄

This is so sad. I’m so happy to be entertained today by my daughter and her partner who are expecting their first baby any day. I was so worried that she wouldn’t have a chance to be a mother, when she wanted it so much.
enjoy your two and count your blessings 🥰

You know people will tell you you're unreasonable, but I get how you feel.

I have 3 and we started ttc our 4th now.

Unfortunately my period arrived yesterday and I felt a bit crap too.

However, I put on my big girl pants to make it a joyful day for my children.

Lots of love xx

Do you ever meditate. I'd practice some gratitude meditations they can be really helpful for bringing you back to the present and helping you come to terms with things.

I agree with your DH - I think this is more about the loss of your dad. I'm sorry for your loss. A baby won't fill that hole.

Gosh, I would love to have two happy, healthy children. Even one child, who is not disabled, looks pretty good right now.

I wanted 3 children too but my DH didn’t. Now that they’re older I’m so glad we didn’t have a 3rd as I have more time & money to give my 2 DC. Teenagers can be expensive and can need more emotional support through exams and friendships issues than you might imagine. I now look at the positives of not being spread too thinly and having more time for my own hobbies than I would if I had 3 DC.

@Azertyuio123 other peoples infertility isn't her problem is it?