DH is a twat - coming home on Christmas Eve

[HateMyLife887]

I am home with a 4 month old baby. DH, completely unprompted, says on the 23rd that he'll take the 24th off as he has a vacation day to still use before the end of the year. I said oooh great, nice to have a Christmas Eve together.

Morning of 24th - DH: guy from work says it's only a half day today so I might as well go in and use my day off another day. Will be home by lunch. OK.

Lunch time: guy was wrong, it's not a half day but I'll still come home earlier than usual, boss will let us go early, will be home by 3.

Evening, DH arrives even later than usual. Because he decided to go to the pub.

I was so angry. I explained he made wait home for him all day. Like WTF was that all about? I would have totally gone out with the baby if I knew he was just going to be at work today. Instead I sat at home waiting for him because we were going to go out all 3 of us!!!

He thinks I'm crazy and that I'm a nag and unreasonable to be angry for him going to the pub.

He can go to the fucking pub all he wants. Just don't mess me around telling me you'll be home!!!

I can't explain the anger, sitting at home like a dud, with a really fussy baby going through a sleep regression. I had zero expectation of him being home today. Why do this to me?

How bloody childish and selfish. I am sitting with hair colour on my head waiting for grown up teens to go to bed so I can do their stockings. Sending love. Is he often like this?

He definitely should have told you he was going to do that!

Hope he makes it up to you on the day off he actually takes.

He's a waste of space unfortunately. It's these sorts of events that reveal themselves early in relationships and especially when you have a baby. You need to decide if you are willing to put up with it. They don't change.

Enjoy Christmas then decide in the New Year.

@Geppili he's very disorganised about taking days off. It's a nightmare pinning him down for holidays and he always requests them last minute. I don't know why. And yes, he's done stuff like this on a VERY MINOR scale before I.e. being an hour later than he said coming back from something.

He's never fucked me around for a whole day before.

@timetodecide2345 it's a bit more nuanced than that, and there are lot of wonderful parts about him.

But yes, having a baby seems to bring out the worst in men (or just bringing them into focus?), I'm learning that the hard way.

That sucks but it's passed now, what's the plan for today? Make sure he does most of the babysitting today so you can relax and enjoy the day. If he is usually a good guy but just disorganised then just let this go for now, but if it carries on then do something about it. Having a baby who is going through a rough time sleeping can take a toll on you so not easy, get him to share the responsibility more too. Your tired and stressed and on top he messed you around all day 😞 hope you have a good day today

Oh love! I totally remember those days. Having a baby is such a sacrifice and any time together as a family rather than being on your own is such a relief so when you get the opportunity for these moments you look forward to them so much. We always do the lion’s share of childcare and these men don’t realise just how desperately we need them to support us. I totally get where you’re coming from. I remember crying so much thinking we were having a family day out one Sunday when in fact my husband had planned something with his friends!

Let it go. Enjoy your first Christmas with your little one and make some lovely memories together. Let him do the babysitting today. 😉 x