To miss Christmas Days of yore?

[mainecooncatonahottinroof]

Until I was 43, my family, my husband and I spent every Christmas Day with my parents. My mum was an amazing cook. We had the best Christmas dinner. We literally left home an hour away and it was all done when we got there. Their home was festive and so welcoming. We didn't have to lift a finger because my mum did it all - she wouldn't have it any other way. Santa came to our house and also to my parents' house!! Even though sometimes our offspring preferred the boxes! Closest family for Christmas dinner and some wider family in the evening. Sitting around an open fire chewing the fat! A 'doggy bag' sent home so we could entertain the ILs on Boxing Day!

It's been nearly 20 years, how the hell did that happen! - and I still miss it so much! I've hopefully tried to replicate it for my kids but family members haven't been that close since my mum died.

One of my friends lost her mum this month and I feel so bad for her!

Anyone else?

Why I always hate the complaining threads, people need to be grateful their families are still alive and they were not alone today

I don't expect to be continuing to host Christmas into my 60s. As lovely as my daughters find it. It takes energy and planning and in fact this year we booked to eat out. It's a baton that should be passed on earlier I think.

Then there's no reason to be so insecure about a random comment, good for you

@timetodecide2345 Ha, ha, I was having similar thoughts earlier. I calculated that I was 30 when I first hosted so as my children are now 19 and 16, perhaps someone will host me in 11-14 years!🤣

Our Christmas tradition has evolved to large, extended family gatherings, usually in different houses & load is shared. It's fun for the kids & I appreciate having so many family around us.

BUT I'm starting to miss the simple Christmas with just us, DB's family every 2nd year & a couple of random family members who are alone otherwise. It was simple & no stress or fuss. I could spend the day helping DC build Lego or watch them enjoying a new toy, not rushing off somewhere for lunch with chaos & noise & someone else's schedule of games & activities.

I feel exactly the same. Really miss my parents. Kids all grown up and live away. Xxx

The way you feel now is probably the way she felt. My mum used to host and I loved Christmas. Now she has moved to a small house and I have to host my parents, siblings, their kids, my kids and I now hate Christmas and dread it every year. But everyone else loves it!!! It's a huge gift to them, but probably not appreciated as I try to pretend I love it too!

And I do completely agree with this, which is why I host and pretend to like it.

Oh, I really feel this, and know exactly where you're coming from.

My Mum was also the glue. Things started to change in around 2018 when cancer sapped her strength and she gently and kindly bowed out of the main event - we'd do a short visit and then DP and I would go home and host for my adult kids. It was still lovely but very different.

My DP died unexpectedly just shy of three years ago, and since then everything has just sort of unravelled in every direction. Kids do their own thing, and we've all talked about how we feel that we go through just enough motions to connect, be loving to each other and then respect each other's needs to quietly lick our wounds as we see fit.

This year, my DF and SM, in their 80s, separated for long complicated reasons to do with her badly managed mental health by the MH team. Won't go into the frankly unbelievable details.

So for the first time in over 40 years, I spent Christmas with my DF. We tag teamed a small Christmas dinner cooked on a portable two ring hob, a combination microwave oven and an air fryer - and it was great. Kids popped over for an hour - we had a sherry. Watched the King's speech. DF slept through Some like it Hot. I went home at about 7. He lives in temporary sheltered accommodation and is frail. My place is too small to host anything other than lap dinners.

But it was oddly lovely in its way. It's given me a bit of an impetus to think about building on it next year, when things have been properly sorted out - touching wood that DF hangs in there for another year or hopefully more.

I've learned so much these last few years. Especially not to sweat the small stuff.

Sending love and solidarity to all of you on this thread 💛 sometimes muddling through is surprisingly rewarding, even if it is so very bittersweet.....

Just to add DM died in 2020, which is why she's not mentioned in the context of Christmas present - in case anyone is worried we've abandoned her!!

All I do nowadays at Christmas is think about mum and dad. Big noisy christmases with the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins around a table in the kitchen extended with a wallpaper table and random seating. Mum was an amazing cook and although my childhood was firmly working class, mum was very fussy about special occasion food, so all kinds of amazing dishes, including memorably one year guinea fowl followed by an upside down prune cake with cherry brandy. When I got my first house I hosted one year ~ similarly chaotic and crazy. Now it's just me and my own adult kids who understandably, are very wrapped up in their own lives. Christmases from my childhood and from my own children's childhood have replayed and replayed in my head this year. It's very bittersweet.

Thank you. Yesterday was really nice actually. Better than last year. X