11 year old dd & santa

[santadilemma]

Ok, i know 11 is a bit old. I have basically told her that he isn't real BUT she looked so beyond heartbroken. So i ended up saying, 90% of people believe he isn't real but a few still believe and that he doesn't do the standard things like come into the house (creepy) and leave pressies. I more kindof explained it in a guardian angel way.

I don't know why. I basically screwed myself.

Yes i know im a twat for this and not being 100% honest it was just soooo hard.

So my question is, has anyone got any better advice for me in terms of how i follow on from this?

I think that today was probably not the best time for that conversation. Leave it until the summer before talking about it again, if you can. Otherwise, just ask her what she thinks. How could he get to everyone on the same night? Is magic real? What other stories did she once believe but not now? Tooth fairy?

Did you have this conversation today??!! What were you thinking?

That conversation needs to happen way back in September so there's a gap between being told and the bid day.

But too late now. There is the "Christmas spirit" which is similar to what you described isn't it, the point of doing nice things for each other etc the spirit of Santa is still alive.

When did you tell her? Please not today?

I think even if she chooses to still believe in it there will be a part of her that wonders if it's true because of what you said. It will probably be best to just tell the truth if she brings it up again.

You were cruel to have that conversation today. Do you enjoy having the power to upset your child?

You told her on Christmas Eve?????
please OP. That conversation needs to take place in the summer holidays.

Well I don't see anything particularly wrong with believing in Santa, people also believe in god. These things give people great comfort in a bleak world. Just because I've never seen either of them doesn't mean they don't both potentially exist. That's what I've told my 11 year old.

On Christmas Eve?!!! You literally couldn’t have picked a worse day.

I'm not going to kick you while you're down like the previous posters.

I wouldn't mention it again unless she does, just pull out the stops and make tomorrow a lovely, fun, family day and I'm sure she'll realise that Christmas can still be a wonderful day no matter who puts the presents under the tree.

Oh bless her.
I'm assuming she asked?

My 10 year old is determined to still believe.
I think she knows it's not real and has done for about 3 year but loves the ritual and so do i.

Filling the sack in a min 😊

My DDs are heading to bed having put out the carrot, mince pie and drink for Santa and the reindeer… they’re 16 (almost 17) and dtds are 13. Dd2 also just popped down to remind me which stocking is which because “you got them muddled last year”… “I mean Father Christmas got muddled”. Obviously they know but they like to play the game. They figure it out. I planned to explain that it’s a concept of giving without credit but it’s never come up. If dd asked, I’d be honest but despite mnetters obsession with telling dc about 9 years old “so they don’t get bullied”, it’s not necessary.

My horrible ex son-in-law told his son when he had just turned FOUR that Santa’s not real- and he picked the 23rd December to break the news. Absolutely broke that wee boys heart, which of course the sadist enjoyed immensely.

I have no advice. 2 years ago on Christmas Eve my then 9yo asked if Santa was real. He begged me to tell him the truth, not say what I thought he wanted to hear, but as soon as I started my spiel about St Nicholas and how the Christmas spirit is in all of us (which worked perfectly with my older dc) he burst into tears and said that he only asked for the truth because he was sure I’d say he was real, and would I please say he was! After checking he wanted me to say he was real rather than tell the truth, I said he was real. He still hid the satsumas and set a trip wire to check, but chose to believe the lie he’d asked for. 2 christmases later and we’ve no idea if he believes or not!

You have been extremely cruel to do this to your child on chrsitmas eve….shame on you

I mean maybe today wasn’t the best time, you’ve done it now, kids are resilient, she will bounce back, I’ve always said if mine outright ask then I’ll tell them, DS16 told me last year that he’s known since he was 10, he just didn’t say anything for DD’s sake. Dd is 12, although I’ve never told her she’s said a few things like maybe you can buy me, I mean Santa. I think she knows but loves the magic of it and just keeps going.

You didn’t….

My youngest. Has been asking in the last month some people say Santa isn’t real… but she’s 8.

We give a simple answer “well santa brings me presents” 🤷🏻‍♀️ and he does there is always a present tagged Santa.

Poor kiddo

My 9 year old is leaning this way but will not push it the day before Christmas and neither would I! If she asked next month I’d be more prepared but after a month of that elf, letters and stories, we’re all in for Santa.

Ok. I obviously haven't said that today, and actually i didn't really even say "he isnt real" i sort of said, what do you think, and that the typical, sack of presents thing isnt real. This has been over a period of a year or two.

So no to all the "you're a bad mum" types, obviously i haven't done that. Eye roll.

Im asking about how to follow on, what else could i say that keeps some magic but is also age appropriate and not a massive lie!

You really failed to communicate effectively in your original post.

Just leave it, don’t bring it up. Your kid knows already so there’s nothing much more to say.

Tell her about Saint Nicholas, who was real, and is also kind of in keeping with your guardian angel farce.

He was a real saint, tell her that. Also Father Christmas does exist, he is the love and thought that goes into making Christmas special for others.

Your follow up post gives a very different impression to the OP

I've gone with "the magic part is we all get to be a Santa" (giving without getting the credit). And prepped for them finding out by "playing Santa" for years for local giving trees and Mission Christmas. My just turned 8 told me the other week she didn't believe and has been even more excited to create the magic herself since then.

My DD11 had suspicions last year but I said well if you don't believe see what happens Xmas morning so she did. Then this year she knows he's not real but loves the ritual of putting his cookies etc out. X