Calling a bereaved person

[BiscottiToffee]

Hi,

We had a letter in one of our Christmas cards updating us on a family friend. We knew she passed away, but no details.

Her husband mentioned that according to their orthodox religion, they would hold a memorial service on the anniversary.

However, he only mentioned the town name. It's fairly close to the Christmas period, so I intended to phone early January to confirm where it was being held. It's end of January.

My mother has said I absolutely cannot telephone and she thinks a letter would be fine. So he can consider his reply, and if he wants us there.

I know he would absolutely want us there, as I've known his wife since I was a baby.

As an aside, because I have coeliac disease, I was going to ask if there would be food. She thinks asking would be rude. I intend to take my own food, if there is, so my friend's husband doesn't have to worry about dietary restrictions when he's busy with everything.

Should I phone/write? Is it rude to ask about food?

I can't WhatsApp or email as I only have his landline.

Merry Christmas all!

I would phone to find out details but probably leave out the food question and just pack something in my bag in case.

It's not rude to call, I wouldn't worry about food until you speak with the husband and he tells you the details. I would take food anyway &, if you need it then you have some with you. If he didn't want you there he wouldn't have mentioned the service.

Agree with Porky

I second this. I'd wait until mid January and if you've not heard, then call, offer your condolences and ask about the details. Don't mention the food.

It’s absolutely fine to phone to ask about the service. In fact I’d phone to offer condolences as well. Don’t mention food. That would be weird.

A letter would arrive well in time if you sent it on Friday? Don't mention food now but you could in the next correspondence if you've had a reply.

Thanks all.

I'd already sent condolences as she died in the summer. I didn't phone because I knew he was abroad.

I'll phone early to mid January in case it takes a few attempts to catch him.

Thanks re: food. I'll just pack some easy snacks.