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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Calling a bereaved person

7 replies

BiscottiToffee · 24/12/2024 21:59

Hi,

We had a letter in one of our Christmas cards updating us on a family friend. We knew she passed away, but no details.

Her husband mentioned that according to their orthodox religion, they would hold a memorial service on the anniversary.

However, he only mentioned the town name. It's fairly close to the Christmas period, so I intended to phone early January to confirm where it was being held. It's end of January.

My mother has said I absolutely cannot telephone and she thinks a letter would be fine. So he can consider his reply, and if he wants us there.

I know he would absolutely want us there, as I've known his wife since I was a baby.

As an aside, because I have coeliac disease, I was going to ask if there would be food. She thinks asking would be rude. I intend to take my own food, if there is, so my friend's husband doesn't have to worry about dietary restrictions when he's busy with everything.

Should I phone/write? Is it rude to ask about food?

I can't WhatsApp or email as I only have his landline.

Merry Christmas all!

OP posts:
Porkyporkchop · 24/12/2024 22:01

I would phone to find out details but probably leave out the food question and just pack something in my bag in case.

Dontletthebedbugsbite2 · 24/12/2024 22:02

It's not rude to call, I wouldn't worry about food until you speak with the husband and he tells you the details. I would take food anyway &, if you need it then you have some with you. If he didn't want you there he wouldn't have mentioned the service.

AngelontopoftheTree · 24/12/2024 22:03

Agree with Porky

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 24/12/2024 22:03

Porkyporkchop · 24/12/2024 22:01

I would phone to find out details but probably leave out the food question and just pack something in my bag in case.

I second this. I'd wait until mid January and if you've not heard, then call, offer your condolences and ask about the details. Don't mention the food.

BitOutOfPractice · 24/12/2024 22:06

It’s absolutely fine to phone to ask about the service. In fact I’d phone to offer condolences as well. Don’t mention food. That would be weird.

Themaths · 24/12/2024 22:07

A letter would arrive well in time if you sent it on Friday? Don't mention food now but you could in the next correspondence if you've had a reply.

BiscottiToffee · 24/12/2024 22:17

Thanks all.

I'd already sent condolences as she died in the summer. I didn't phone because I knew he was abroad.

I'll phone early to mid January in case it takes a few attempts to catch him.

Thanks re: food. I'll just pack some easy snacks.

OP posts:
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