Not sure if IMBU but I have reached a breaking point.
Massive backstory, exDP upped and left myself and our DC 2.5 years ago. DC are small, below the ages of 10. Turned out he lined up another woman and both of them are addicted to drugs and alcohol. As you may expect, exDP has been an abhorrent dad. Contact was supervised by his family or myself. He was always late if he turned up at all. He has gone on holidays and not said a word. Covered zero holiday / term time. Left DC plenty of times waiting for him only to not only not turn up but also not advise that he wasn't turning up. On top of that he kept messing with I made mistake, I want my family back telling DC he wants to come back home, then doing nothing about it. It has been a vicious circle with everyone trying to help him, him moving back to ILs then going awol again. He would fly off the handle, cause massive arguments, threaten, swear, punch things, slam things. You get the picture. Everything was always justified with drugs and how it's not him making the choice and he it really a soft person.
This constant cycle has caused significant emotional stress for DC (and me). DC started struggling at school, lashing out, and becoming upset. I decided to stop contact until ExDP gets help or takes me to court. Since stopping contact, DC has improved significantly—better behavior, school support (school aware of the situation and backstory), and a stable routine.
ExDP recently returned to ILs but has already gone AWOL to the OW ( we have lost count how many times this has happened over the last 12 months). Despite this, ILs were trying to get me to allow Christmas contact, despite my clear stance weeks ago and again recently that no contact remains in place. Their request upset me deeply—they show no regard for how DC or I feel. DC doesn’t even ask about their dad anymore, and I’m doing all the work as a single parent with a demanding job. I feel betrayed that they’d ignore ExDP’s continuous behavior and my boundaries.
They justify their request by saying they’re trying to support their son because he’s depressed about not seeing DC. Yet, he’s in his 40s and missed many events with DC even when contact was allowed. I’m especially hurt that MIL, as a mother herself, doesn’t recognize how enabling him prevents accountability and recovery. How I am expected to support exDP in his recovery despite the damage he has caused to me and our DC and the actual lack of effort from him to get clean and be more stable.
I’m now considering cutting them off or at least reducing contact to the bare minimum. I’ve worked hard to maintain their relationship with DC, organizing birthdays, Christmas presents, and family days out. Without me, they’d barely see DC, as ExDP never facilitates anything. This feels like a betrayal I will struggle to overlook.
What should I do?