Am I expecting too much

[Eightiesprincess]

So a bit of context first… OH father passed away 2 days before Christmas in 2020. OH has not wanted to celebrate Christmas since. However, we have 3 girls aged between 14 and 7 it has been a battle to get the house Christmassy each year and gets to the point where we are almost made to feel guilty for wanting to celebrate it.
This year the OH gives our 14 year old the money and the link for the present I wanted and left it for her to do. The present was supposed to arrive today (Xmas Eve ) (unbeknown to me ) however I’d taken girls out for breakfast with Santa treat.
We got back to find we missed the delivery , girls told dad I was upset ( I wasn’t - they were worried I would be if I didn’t have anything to open) so he sends them money to go and get me something from the high street
He then messages me and has a huge kick loft at me for having a tantrum because Santa didn’t get me a present and saying I’m worse than the kids and now is in bed claiming that he’s not going to speak to me until at least Boxing Day evening.

My arguement was - mine was the only present he had to sort out (including his family) but there has been zero effort. His argument is he sent the money to our daughter and that’s his bit done.

Am I wrong to expect more of him?

Grief is hard.

But that's crap.

Hope you have a lovely Xmas with your children.

You don't have to stay married.

As much as grief doesn't have a timescale, announcing he's not talking to you until Boxing Day sounds controlling. Did he show any similar behaviours before losing his father?

OP, I have no advice but my DH has suffered multiple bereavements in the last decade and a bit and it's changed him for the worse. He is very selfish now. I am lonely in my relationship but we have two young children and I don't know how either of us would survive financially without the other. I also feel bad considering leaving because these life changes are nothing he could control.

Grief is hard I.agree. I have not really participated much in Christmas in the last 3 years since my partner died. I don't have children so I can do as I please. Your partner has obligations, so should try and make some effort.

My mum died just before Xmas from a horrible painful death. I wouldn't dream spoiling Xmas for my kids. Christmas should be a time to appreciate and enjoy family

Xmas 5 years ago. The immediate Xmas wasn't easy but I still made it happy for my kids

I think the best Christmas present you could give yourself and your daughters is to end your relationship with him.

My mum died last year 6 days before Christmas. We still celebrated Christmas, as we had little ones to think of in our family.

This year (12 months after she died) we are still celebrating Christmas, and have a lively hand-blown bauble on the tree with 'grandma' on it, which my children hung up to make sure 'grandma' was 'celebrating with us'.

Your DHs behaviour is controlling and not acceptable...the bit about him telling you he wasn't going to talk to you for several days is awful!

Grief doesn’t have a timescale. My DD died not at Christmas to be fair but I have always done my level best to make sure DS still had a nice Christmas. I can say that the few Christmas after I hid how I felt. The first was the worst, I went to buy her something as a gift as I briefly forgot she had died. I always bought her slippers and PJ’s every year.

It feels bad as he is grieving but he is massively selfish.

I have kept quiet for the last 3 years as I felt bad and knew he was grieving but now feel that what's left of the girls magical Christmas's is being taken too. AIBU?