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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour in downstairs flat complaining WWYD

32 replies

Daffyducklet · 24/12/2024 15:12

Apologies in advance, this will be a lengthy one!

I've lived in my flat just over a year. I invited my downstairs neighbour round for coffee after a couple of months here. Earlier this year she complained in writing about noise that turned out to be the bathroom fan. I immediately turned the fan off on the wall so it wouldn't bother her - I hadn't realised she could hear it. I told her how to turn it off, but she's left hers on. It's not a big deal, it doesn't bother me, not that loud anyway.

Recently my partner stayed over a few times whilst in the middle of moving house, as the whole thing took longer than expected. He gets up early for work. I received another letter from same neighbour, quite OTT, the clomping around in the night must stop, she goes to bed early etc etc. He definitely didn't clomp around, but the floorboards do creak on the landing/ hallway. When I first moved in I called in the agency to rectify it, they did put in some extra support for the boards, but said it was the best they could do, and that creaking is normal.

I replied to her letter, explaining the above, and that I could hear her too, but accept that's part of living in flats. I received another letter, saying she makes no noise, goes to bed early, no tv at night etc etc. I hear her get up to the bathroom in the early hours, the fan goes on, and when she returns to bed I hear voices - she lives alone, retired, it sounds like tv or radio. Irrelevant, it doesn't really bother me. I only hear it if I'm awake anyway.

At the beginning of December I received a call, telling me the council had received my letter to close my claim for housing benefit and Universal Credit as my partner had moved in with me and was paying the rent! Obviously I sent no such letter. I asked them to describe the letter to me and it sounds like the letters she had sent me, especially as she signed with my nickname that I go by rather than my full name, plus handwritten, lined paper, she'd included my partner's name and date of birth - her ex went to school with him, but she got the date of birth wrong! Also I don't receive housing benefit! The letter stated she was also writing to universal credit.

I believe this is classed as fraud and have now reported it to the police, but have heard nothing back except a crime reference. I would have thought they could compare the letter sent to the council and the letters I have to determine if she sent them. I know it's not urgent and that they're very busy, but she was obviously trying to make my life very difficult! And I don't think she should get away with it.

On top of all this someone is ringing my doorbell in the middle of the night, my plants outside were dumped in the bin and then after I removed them from the bin they disappeared.

I'm feeling quite anxious about all this and creep around in the evening so I don't disturb her. I never have loud music on or the tv on loud. She hasn't mentioned anything like that, but did say she could hear me talking, and that she can hear EVERYTHING!

I've contacted the rental agency and they've spoken to her, so today I received another letter! Apparently I'm being paranoid, that she's left me alone, because I obviously want to be left alone as I don't call in for coffee! That I could have just knocked and spoken to her ... which is what I asked her to do if she had any further problems after the matter with the bathroom fan! She didn't speak to me, just sent a letter, so I decided to do the same.

I really do keep to myself, mostly to avoid any problems with neighbours. I'm looking for another flat, as I don't feel I can relax here anymore, but they are all very expensive.

Sorry for the lengthy post.

OP posts:
CarrotVan · 24/12/2024 15:14

she sounds very very strange.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 24/12/2024 15:15

I am so sorry op. She sounds unhinged. Start keeping a diary of every incident as this could be classed as harassment. In fact it's almost definitely harassment

Tittat50 · 24/12/2024 15:17

She sounds quite unhinged OP. I'm so sorry you're in that situation. I live in a flat and there are some sounds you can't avoid- bathroom light and fan.

I think it's probably best you get away from this person. As unfair as this really is. If she's retired she has all the time and energy in the world to get obsessed with every noise you make and to make life difficult. Moving is probably the only option.

CoastalCalm · 24/12/2024 15:18

Send her a box of earplugs and return any future letters unopened

Kentuckycriedfrickin · 24/12/2024 15:23

Send a letter, recorded delivery, and keep your own copy of it. Tell her in very neutral words that she is not to contact you under any circumstances and that any further attempts at contact will be reported as harassment. Follow through on that too and report all further contact, you'll have a stronger case as you will be able to demonstrate you made it clear you didn't want communication from her.

Thelittleweasel · 24/12/2024 16:11

@Daffyducklet

You need to be very clear with the Council/benefits etc that you are not writing to them and that you will only do so by "typed letters". Recontact the police chief inspector at the local station and insist that they speak to her at least "words of advice". If she is potentially setting out to cost you money that would be a crime. Writing letters signed by "you" may be forgery.

Daffyducklet · 24/12/2024 19:32

Kentuckycriedfrickin · 24/12/2024 15:23

Send a letter, recorded delivery, and keep your own copy of it. Tell her in very neutral words that she is not to contact you under any circumstances and that any further attempts at contact will be reported as harassment. Follow through on that too and report all further contact, you'll have a stronger case as you will be able to demonstrate you made it clear you didn't want communication from her.

I'm contemplating doing this, but wanted to keep out of it as much as possible by not replying to her.

OP posts:
Daffyducklet · 24/12/2024 19:33

Thelittleweasel · 24/12/2024 16:11

@Daffyducklet

You need to be very clear with the Council/benefits etc that you are not writing to them and that you will only do so by "typed letters". Recontact the police chief inspector at the local station and insist that they speak to her at least "words of advice". If she is potentially setting out to cost you money that would be a crime. Writing letters signed by "you" may be forgery.

Yes I spoke to the council and contacted universal credit to make them aware that I'm not writing to them in this manner. I'll try contacting the police again, I've tried once, but still nothing happened.

OP posts:
MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 24/12/2024 19:37

Would it be possible to have a door cam to see who's messing with your plants OP, at least that way if you caught her on camera, you'd have some proof of how batshit crazy she is?

RandomMess · 24/12/2024 19:51

I would also start living your life more "normally" so considerate but using the fan etc. I would keep a diary for 3 weeks and make a note of all the noise you can hear from her and put it in writing as in "these are the every day noises I can hear from you flat the same as you can hear from mine".

Flowers
kierenthecommunity · 24/12/2024 19:55

It’s not fraud, for fraud you need to make some sort of gain. It could be harassment if you could prove if the doorbell ringing and plant stuff is her. Could you get a video doorbell?

SpiritAdder · 24/12/2024 20:02

It’s not fraud but it is identity theft that is causing a loss to the victim. So still illegal.

OP, she sounds unhinged. I agree with documenting all this and getting ring doorbell or discreet CCTV to monitor who is vandalising your front area. Put new plants out. Contact the police again and ask about a non molestation order and what they’d need to put one in place on her.

I’d also turn your fan back on and not tip toe around like a scared mouse.

Abi86 · 24/12/2024 20:14

Daffyducklet · 24/12/2024 19:32

I'm contemplating doing this, but wanted to keep out of it as much as possible by not replying to her.

You can’t "keep out of it" unfortunately. You need to be active in protecting your interests otherwise this neighbour may escalate and continue to harass. Maybe consider a NMO?

Furthermore, my fan would be going on at my convenience.

JMSA · 24/12/2024 21:33

Wow, she's something else. I'd be throwing a party and whooping it up! Might as well give the old boot something to actually moan about Grin
Seriously though, she's deranged. Mind how you go, OP x

HPandthelastwish · 24/12/2024 21:37

Can you get the landlord to put up a camera outside they aren't expensive and act asa great deterrent.

Nogaxeh · 24/12/2024 21:43

This begins to sound like a movie starring Kathy Bates. She has developed a grudge against you and is prepared to act on it, to destroy your property and hurt you financially.

You cannot know how much further this will escalate. I would pack an emergency grab bag, in case you need to leave your flat in a hurry. I would ensure that your home is secure and she cannot easily gain entry.

It's impossible to force someone to act reasonably, and the law will not act until after the situation has escalated, so I would do what you can to move as soon as possible.

Reugny · 24/12/2024 21:46

OP as a tenant you are obliged to ensure your home is free of condensation and mould to protect the fabric of the building so you need to turn the fan back on immediately as it is winter.

Plan on moving but in the meantime live your life and tell her in writing that she is harassing you if she complains about anything that is normal day to day noise.

Redglitter · 24/12/2024 21:54

Daffyducklet · 24/12/2024 19:33

Yes I spoke to the council and contacted universal credit to make them aware that I'm not writing to them in this manner. I'll try contacting the police again, I've tried once, but still nothing happened.

You need to make it clear to the police that this wasn't an isolated incident and she's harassing you. At the moment they only have one complaint from you

Report every incident. Ask for your local community officers to contact you - this is their type of call.

Invest in a ring doorbell

Sparklesocks · 24/12/2024 21:58

Im sorry OP, having a crappy neighbour can have such an impact on your stress levels. 💖

TheYearOfSmallThings · 24/12/2024 21:58

Stop tiptoeing, buy wooden clogs to wear around the house, practise your clog dancing, and if you see her tell her you have finished being nice, and if she keeps this shit up you will buy a piano, which you are perfectly entitled to do, and practice it for hours every day.

motelhotel · 24/12/2024 22:00

She sounds utterly bonkers but speaking from experience she was probably quite sane when she moved into a downstairs flat 😂. When will builders and architects take noise into consideration when the build them 🙈

PigInADuvet · 24/12/2024 22:08

Sounds like the start of The Magpies by Mark Edwards. Good book, would normally recommend but maybe not to OP currently!

Daffyducklet · 25/12/2024 00:25

TheYearOfSmallThings · 24/12/2024 21:58

Stop tiptoeing, buy wooden clogs to wear around the house, practise your clog dancing, and if you see her tell her you have finished being nice, and if she keeps this shit up you will buy a piano, which you are perfectly entitled to do, and practice it for hours every day.

😂😂😂

OP posts:
Daffyducklet · 25/12/2024 00:28

Redglitter · 24/12/2024 21:54

You need to make it clear to the police that this wasn't an isolated incident and she's harassing you. At the moment they only have one complaint from you

Report every incident. Ask for your local community officers to contact you - this is their type of call.

Invest in a ring doorbell

Thanks 😊 I have cctv from upstairs but it doesn't cover the front door. I've no way of putting one up outside at the moment .. if I stick it there it'll probably disappear the same day! Need my partner to bring his drill over, after we've established how to fix it to the outside wall.

OP posts:
Daffyducklet · 25/12/2024 00:29

motelhotel · 24/12/2024 22:00

She sounds utterly bonkers but speaking from experience she was probably quite sane when she moved into a downstairs flat 😂. When will builders and architects take noise into consideration when the build them 🙈

According to her letter she's never had any problems before I moved in! The lady who lived here before was very old so probably didn't move much.

OP posts: