AIBU to want to murder my DH?

[marthaisintheway]

I have visitors coming at 5 for a buffet tea and drinks.

I went out for a couple of hours this morning to buy last minute stuff and deliver presents. A list of jobs needing doing whist I was out was left with DH

I have just returned to find house in same v untidy state I left it in. No jobs done and DH in middle of kitchen ironing.

Now, I don't iron. Ever. But DH likes to iron EVERYTHING so he can knock himself out and do his own.

However,this is strictly a twice a year task. As you can imagine his ironing pile is of biblical proportions by this time.

It is this ginormous pile of ironing that is covering every work surface in the kitchen. The windows are all steamed up and he's got some sport on the tv full blast.
Apparently it will only take him another couple of hours, and yes it is essential that it is done now

I do feel I would be excused with no case to answer if I buried him under the patio.

That ginormous pile couldn't accidentally have a cup of tea dropped onto it? Oops! Then it would need to be washed another day?

What a plonker 😂 is this because it's too wet to do anything in the garden?

I don't understand ironing twice a year. Does he have enough clothes to last 6 months?

He has a huge array of nearly identical checked shirts. Only he sees their differences.
I think he has twigged that I'm not best pleased. A cup of tea and a mince pie has just been delivered from the launderette

Not unreasonable at all, but I think I'd just pile the ironing on top of him, way to last minute to dig up the patio with everything else that needs doing.

This honestly sounds more like a list of complaints about a butler … “Jeeves didn’t do a SINGLE ONE of the tasks I left for him! I don’t know why I pay the man!” Did your DH even agree to do any of those jobs or do you just leave lists of jobs for him every week?!

He asked me what needed doing so I wrote it down.

Not so much sympathy for him then!

Op, you grab the weapon, I’ll get the shovel.

You’re absolutely not being unreasonable 🤣

Happy to be an alibi

No court in the land will convict you. Kill him.

If he asked what needed to be done what is his reason for ignoring all those tasks and deciding on ironing instead?

Because it needs doing. Apparently

Get him a Corby trouser press installed for his special Christmas present, then leave him trapped in it (with the power off) until Boxing Day.

Justified homicide there!
Tbf to him my executive function is shite and if overwhelmed by big picture tasks its really easy to hyperfocus on one specific task.
Eg if have an entire room that needs to be made presentable I'll end up in the middle of all the filth carefully meticulously organising one drawer or something stupid.
And I annoy myself, so wouldn't want to live with me 🤣. But although doing a random put offable task instead of the urgent ones is fecking infuriating it he might not be being a deliberate twat, just a bit useless

I asked DH to clean the kitchen this morning because DD and I were baking and I was doing some jobs upstairs and it got messy yesterday as we were busy all day. He said no problem, in fact, he'd done it already.

Came downstairs, they are both watching vintage Dr Who, there was leftover food from yesterday still on the side, the sink was full of dishes and none of the worktops were clean. I asked him why he'd said he'd cleaned the kitchen when, if anything, it looked worse than last night. He said that he put "loads" of stuff in the dishwasher. I looked and found the dishwasher was half full and hadn't been switched on.

He does loads around the house, probably more than 50%, but there is zero sense of urgency or timing with him. It seems to be a common problem that most decent men are happy to do housework but completely unable to prioritise. Like the time I'd been away with work for 2 days and got home at 8pm and he hadn't even thought about what to make for dinner, but he had carpeted the airing cupboard.

I suggest, if you're using your garden, to avoid the patio route. Dig a new border and plant over with endangered plants.
I may have thought about this too much...

Oh wow just reading this made me feel stressed I feel for you lol x

He doesn’t want guests and buffet

I'm a landscaper and not busy this time of year if you need a hand with some new features under in your garden.

Open the back door and launch his ironing pile onto the lawn.

I'm trying very hard to not be stressed. I'm busying myself elsewhere and taking deep breaths.

Yep fine. I'll defend you

Oh the joys and challenges of family Christmases!

@marthaisintheway When you've dealt with yours, can you come round and help me with mine please? He's driving me potty.