To not invite mum to my graduation

[Frazzledmum77]

I’m 48 and completed my (first) MSc in April, 25 years after Bachelors degree. Graduation is in April and I’ve been selected for a prize so get a 3 course dinner afterwards with max 2 guests. Was wavering on the dinner as none of my friends from the course will be there (only one prize per subject), but decided in the end too exciting not to go and get the prize. Also have the option of additional meet the tutors event (very tightly) sandwiched between graduation and prize giving and in a different location. In other words it’s already a very busy and potentially logistically challenging day.

I’ve had a lot of comments from friends about not inviting my children (15 and 13) but have stood my ground on this. It’s a school day, won’t be much fun for teens and I don’t want any extra drama. When the dinner invite came through it was the deciding factor as I can only bring 2 guests so DH and one other. Not going to choose between my kids so not bringing either. I still get comments from friends though.

Now all of a sudden my mum (75) is angling to come. She pushed quite hard for it out of nowhere. I was really surprised and taken aback. She was pleased about the prize (although it led to a long story about how she once got a prize but never told us, she does tend to make things about herself) but honestly if you asked her what I was studying she wouldn’t be able to tell you. She lives 200 miles away, and is financially dependent on me and DH. She could make it to the graduation by train but couldn’t get home again as too far so would also end up staying the night. Which would ruin the romantic hotel booking DH and I have made.

My BFF appears to be on Mum’s side. I just don’t get it - I’m middle aged, paid for the MSc myself, the only person other than my classmates who supported me was DH by picking up the slack when I was studying. As far as I’m concerned he’s the only family member who deserves a ticket. Am I a cold hearted cow? I know plenty of others will bring parents and kids and good for them. But I wanted the day to be about me and my friends from the course and not managing diva family members. Now feeling very guilty though.

I hadn't even left home when I finished my post grad. I still took my husband-to-be rather than my parents, because he was the one who had supported me throughout. My parents came to my first graduation.

You do what you want. It sounds as though your mum will complicate things too much for you to really enjoy yourself, which is a shame as you've earned a celebration.

I agree - have a celebration family meal the week after.

Amazing achievement op ! Outstanding infact

very well done 👏

I think you are dh deserve a romantic night together and not have your day overshadowed- if your mum is financially dependent on you then you are already doing enough imo.. this is about you

enjoy 🎓

In fairness, they are boring. I've been to 3 of my own, one for each of two dc and work related ones when I'm course director.

It's less boring when it's yourself as you know a lot of the graduands but there are usually a few other classes that you don't know. As a parent, the bit with your dc is obviously super exciting but the rest is not.

Congratulations on your graduation! And the prize, what a fantastic achievement.

Stick with your plans to have an overnight stay in a nice hotel with your husband.

Arrange a family meal to celebrate all together later. This is one day when you can be selfish. Having teens and older parents there means you won't switch off and will be in mum/carer mode all day. Not what you want when it's YOUR celebration.

Ignore the 'it's your mum crowd' - it's great that there are people who have lovely mums and lovely relationships with them, those of us that don't understand!

Enjoy your time celebrating with only your husband. & congratulations 🎉

I didn’t find DD’s graduation boring at all. Sure, I was only really interested in seeing her walk across the stage, but the whole atmosphere of joy and optimism brought a tear to my eye. All those students, many of them very young, on the threshold of life and full of hopes and dreams, and others more mature brimming with pride at what they had achieved. There was an incredibly moving posthumous award as well. Not boring.

Would your mum fall for a little white lie? such as you've checked and all the tickets are now sold out. Such a shame.

Yes, this is what strikes me too. I can’t imagine be8ng swayed from my own plans by what someone else opined.

Congratulations on your achievement @Frazzledmum77 it’s a big deal
take who you want to,it’s all about you
Go for a meal after graduation with your mum,way more contained in term managing any post drink comments.

Tell your mum you have plans with your husband and / or tell her you’re mistaken and it’s only one for dinner. Invite her to a later celebration.